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Only 4 Days To Go..... Only 4 Days To Go.....

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  #1  
Unread 01-31-2002, 07:36 AM
Only 4 Days To Go.....

Hello Sisters,
I only have 4 days and haven't done everything. NESTING? I don't think so. I feel depressed and sad most of the time, specially when I'm alone(DH is at work & DS is at school) and don't feel like doing anything. I have my share of mood swings/panic attacks and it only gets worst when I had some caffeine. I learned not to have any caffeine at all. DH is worried I'll have a heart attack first before hysterectomy.
I'm not like the other sisters that they clean,clean,clean. I wish I could just do that, then maybe it will make me feel better. I don't used to be like this. My neighbors think my house is immaculate ( maybe they're making it up) and called me a cleaning freak. But it sure don't feel and looks like it. I wish I could just clean,clean,clean.
I find myself dazing off and just looking around and not accomplishing anything. I just don't feel right, I'm not sick, no bleeding (finally) no aches and pain (for a change) nothing. I need to do something but could'nt get myself to do it. Next thing I know Castle day is here. I haven't even finished my shopping yet.

I have some GOOD/BAD Dilemmas too...
A) GOOD> My son got picked as "TERRIFIC KID" this week
BAD> Ceremony is tomorrow... My Pre-Op testing I'm going to miss it.
B) GOOD> My Godfather (fr.NY) will be here the day before my surgery (I haven't seen him for 5 1/2 yrs.)
BAD> Now I'm worried about him getting comfortable and how or what their going to eat
C) GOOD> My Mother-in-Law and her Husband will be here to care for my son while DH and I are in the Castle
BAD> They will be here same time my Godfather is and I hope she realize that she needs to cook too
D) GOOD> DH had taken a week off and he said he will take another week if needed
BAD> He will be sooo stressed and I'm worried about him being sarcastic and snaps at everybody

Thank you for letting me rattle on. ***MARY***
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  #2  
Unread 01-31-2002, 07:56 AM
Only 4 Days To Go.....

Oh (((((Mary)))))....please go easy on yourself. I think it's normal to feel sad and depressed at this point. My surgery is the same day as yours, and I had my first crying jag this morning all the way to work and now at my desk, so I truly understand your feelings. I'm sure that you, just like me, are super sensitive to anything and everything going on around you right now.

The things like shopping and making sure people are comfortable and taken care of will work themselves out. Believe me, they will. As women, we shoulder so much of the burden and responsibility for everyone else's happiness and comfort. Well, it's YOUR turn now. and I'm hoping your husband will realize this and give you all the TLC and loving that you need right now.

Try to dwell on the good things in your life and, at least for now, let go of the bad or negative. Just let that negativity drift off in the water behind you (so to speak). I will actually mentally visualize letting go of my negative thoughts this way. Almost like a meditation.

We all love you and care about you, Mary. I'll look forward to comparing recovery notes with you.

Take GOOD care of YOU...
  #3  
Unread 01-31-2002, 08:42 AM
Only 4 Days To Go.....

I am an obsessive little homemaker, too. BUT....

I was too stressed to do all that nesting and you know what, nobody has died yet! My toilets haven't been cleaned for 2 months. It's o.k.

HERE IS WHY:
WHILE I AM RECOVERING IT IS NOT MY JOB TO CLEAN THE HOUSE, even if it started out not clean and I probably should have done it. IT IS MY JOB TO REST AND RELAX AND RECOVER,

I am sorry you won't be able to see your son get his award. I know you want to be there. Let him know that you wish you could be there, and why you can't. Even a young child can be understanding in these circumstances (if not immediately, eventually) and it will be o.k..

It sounds like you are in the habit of taking care of everybody and trying to fix everything and make everything good for everyone. It's their turn to take care of you for a while. Let them and don't feel bad about it. I kept wanting to and wishing I could do the work and the caretaking when I was not able (or shouldn't)

Over the years I have learned something. You and they will feel alot better about it if instead of worrying that you can't do it and they have to, etc. you substitute expressions of gratitude for the things they do for you.

All these grown-up people you are worrying about are big enough to take care of themselves, aren't they? I'm sure they will work it out. Of course, you can talk to them about your concerns and ask for their cooperation.

My husband was snappy and tense for a while. To tell the truth so were the other members of my family. (They were worried about me and had to do what I usually do. So, it is more work for them.) I knew it was going to happen,I knew I was going to HATE it. I couldn't prevent it and I couldn't handle that, they had to.

I tried to handle it one day when they were all being grouchy with each other. Suddenly they were all grouchy at me instead. I decided to stay out of it let them work it out among themselves . That worked alot better. I couldn't fix it anyway, without disobeying my Dr.s orders. It's not worth doing that.
I get one chance to heal right so I can go back to taking care of them as I am accustomed to doing. I also learned they don't need as much taking care of as I was doing, which is a good thing. I can find lots of other useful things to do, and they will be more independent.!

It helps to talk about these things ahead of time, and how you would like it to be, and what would help you feel better fastest. A calm atmosphere is much more conducive to rest and recovery. Tell him/them that. Then let him handle it. If he gets irritable, well, it's to be expected. You might feel uneasy if he was having surgery, too, because you love him.

Your Dr. may be able to prescribe something to take the edge off your anxiety/depression symptoms. You should definitely talk to him/her about the way you are feeling.
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