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I'm already an emotional basketcase.... I'm already an emotional basketcase....

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  #1  
Unread 02-11-2002, 07:56 AM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

My TAH-BSO and bowel resection surgery isn't until March 19th, over a month away, and I'm already an emotional basketcase. I am scared...of the pain, length of time in hospital, being away from my kids, complications, making wrong decision, etc.
How do I calm down?
If I'm this emotional now, is it just gonna get worse? My head is telling me that I'm doing the right thing, I really need this surgery. But my heart.....oh gosh, its breaking! And I haven't even taken my first depo-lupron shot yet (I have it, just haven't gone to the bathroom to do it yet)

I hope this topic isn't taboo, but I went through 4.5 years of infertility before my twins were conceived (via frozen embroyo transfer). They are now 2.5yrs. Even though DH and I never planned or talked about having more kids, I can't help but cry knowing that decision is being taken away from me. Is this a normal feeling? It hurts more than the infertility did, yet I know I should feel grateful that I have my two healthy kids. And how do I explain to two toddlers that their mommy is leaving them for 7-10 days (that's what doctors have told me my hospital stay will be) How do I prepare them? Should I let them come visit me?




I hope I'm posting these messages right. I haven't gotten any replies to my first post.
Thanks,
Lysa
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  #2  
Unread 02-11-2002, 08:38 AM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

HI Lysa,

Welcome to Hyster Sisters !

I'm sorry your first post fell through the cracks. And, I am really, really glad you posted again.

First of all, let me say that all your feelings are very normal. This is a very difficult time -- the decision making, the planning for surgery, the waiting until the day arrives! But, quickly let me also say that this is the hardest part of the whole process. The actual surgery, hospital stay, and recovery is much easier than the waiting. I know that is hard to imagine, but you will hear it over and over again. And, it is true!

As for whether your question is taboo -- there are no taboo topics on Hyster Sisters. You can't think of a question or concern that someone has not already experienced. So, please never hesitate to ask what is on your mind.

I was 57 when I had my surgery, and was menopausal. My children are 32, 28, and 22. I definitely did not plan to have any more children. But, I still had that "pang" you are talking about, realizing that my ability to have children was definitely behind me. This is a topic that is talked about quite a bit on the site; it is a process that we have to go through. Of course, as with anything else, if you are having difficulty dealing with it on your own, then I would encourage you discussing it with a counselor. They do wonderful work and can help work through issues and bring peace to you.

As for letting your kiddos visit in the hospital, I think you should wait and see how you feel about it at the time. Of course, the hospital and your doctor will make recommendations also. The only thing I would worry about would be how they would react seeing you in the hospital and if they would be upset when they had to leave, and that might upset you. Also, I would worry about them being in the early stages of a head cold, and exposing you to illness.

Stay in touch with us and voice your concerns and questions. We want to help you as much as we can. You will be surrounded with love and support here.

Take care. Blessings and s
  #3  
Unread 02-11-2002, 01:31 PM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

Hi Lysa,
My surgury is 2-26 not only am i going nuts I think my dh is ready to send me now.
My problem is carcinoma on my cervix and dysplasia . I have no symptoms but doc is afraid of cancer if I don`t get this done. I still don`t know if it will be TVH or TAH.
Try to find things to keep you busy. buy a gift for the kids and pack in your suitcase . You hospital might have rules for young kids in the hospital. But make no decision till you see how you feel . But if they do come to hospital wait till you feel better and have them come only for a little while . Bring home the gift you bought them while you are away. kids are able to handle more than we think.
God bless and good luck
Lucy2
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  #4  
Unread 02-11-2002, 02:01 PM
little ones

hi , i am new to this site, today i registered and only after reading your pre-op thought.I have a 3 year old and my biggest worry was not for myself but for her. This will be the first time we have been apart, and i lost sleep for two days until i finally reached the right decision about whether to have my husband bring her up for a visit. She has 3 older siblings whom she loves and i know they will be giving her extra hugs and kisses while i am gone , but i can easily see her crying and throwing a tantrum if she were to be brought into the hospitle to see me for an hour or two , then wisked away only to leave mommy behind. I think it will be too hard on her .So my husband and i agree that i will drive myself at 530 am to the hospital and i will call them later in the afternoon and talk to her on the phone and tell her the doctor is making mommys tummy better and that i will be home soon. If she cries and fusses at least she will be home with daddy and her sisiters and brother so she will be ok... i will miss her dearly, but the monthly pain i endure takes time away from her and the rest of my family, so it is worth the short time of being apart., besides my sister and my dad will be with me at the hospital so i will have family close by after i come out, I am having a TAH on Feb 26th. I have been told 2nights/3days in the hospital , so i will be thinking positive so i can get home to my family. The older 3 kids are my step children whom live with us full-time so they are really like my own. I love them dearly. So maybe becasue i had abdominal surgery in 1995 for an ovarian dermoid, then c-sec in 1999, i kinda know what to expect. I respect my physician with whom i have worked with personally, i am an ultrasound technologist, that is where the historian comes from. I have been measuring and watching my uterine fibroids for years especially after they grew during pregnancy. You would be surprised at how many women i see in my profession who suffer from gyn problems. I always ask myself what actually has caused the female population of this world to have so many problems with their reproductive system, COUld it be environmental? i dont know. I am just awaiting my day with optimism, success , and the knowledge that i will no- longer be in pain 60 days out of the year.:-D
  #5  
Unread 02-11-2002, 07:06 PM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

(((((Lysa))))

Your sadness is quite understandable and you shouldn't feel guilty over it. Yes, you have wonderful kidlets already but that doesn't negate the pain you are feeling with the loss of your womb. I would love to chat with you further. If you would like to come on over to Aching Hearts, I would be more than willing to offer you a shoulder and supersized industrial tissues. Until then, I will carry you in my prayers.

Tender hugs and many prayers,
  #6  
Unread 02-11-2002, 07:09 PM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

If you haven't checked out the chat rooms yet, by all means go there. You will find lots of wonderful women who will answer your questions and uplift your spirits with their good cheer!
Run, go, check it out. They make me giggle and answer my questions and encourage me!
  #7  
Unread 02-11-2002, 07:20 PM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

{{{HUGS}}}}

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. As you read and post more, you may find some good ways to cope with this anxiety...even just the sharing of the emotions with other sisters is so reassuring. If it weren't for this place, I would have gone bonkers before my surgery last March!

I also have a little girl (5 at the time of my surgery) and I struggled with leaving her just as you are struggling. But I happen to agree with Great Historian...it would be more traumatic for both of us to have had her visit and then have to leave Mommy...tantrums, hysteria, upset child, upset daddy, upset mommy, upset nurses & other patients...

Kids are amazingly adaptable. I told her the "doctor will fix mommy's tummy" story, too...and I got a little gift for each night I was to be away...my mom and DH gave her the gifts at bedtime, from me. We talked on the phone several times a day...she did GREAT!

Keep reading, keep posting, stop by Chat, and we will all help you get through this. Hang in there...you are going to be FINE and will be able to be the mother, wife, woman, friend and person you want to be, without all the pain, bleeding, and anguish you are now enduring.

s to you!

Karen
  #8  
Unread 02-11-2002, 08:18 PM
(((Lysa)))

Great big coming your way! All of the anxiety and stress you're feeling is so normal. I was the same way. I was worried about my kids, my DH, etc..... "what is something happened to me?" I was worried about the recovery, physical and emotional. I have a history of depression so I was super worried about the emotional stuff! Those are normal fears!

I scheduled my surgery at the end of September and had it Dec 7. It was the longest two months of my life!!! I found hystersisters.com. I was on here daily, sometimes more before.
They answered all my questions and made me feel so OK about my surgery! No matter how dumb I thought the question, it was never dumb to them! Sometimes there are ladies who are on the chat room all night with someone just talking and "holding their hand" to get thru to the the next day.

This was my salvation from insanity! You are having a lot done and what you're going thru is so OKAY! Don't feel bad about being scared.

Another before I leave you!

Blessings ((((Lysa))))
Janie
  #9  
Unread 02-12-2002, 08:29 AM
Re: little ones

  Quote:
Originally posted by great historian
hi , i am new to this site, today i registered and only after reading your pre-op thought.I have a 3 year old and my biggest worry was not for myself but for her. This will be the first time we have been apart, and i lost sleep for two days until i finally reached the right decision about whether to have my husband bring her up for a visit. She has 3 older siblings whom she loves and i know they will be giving her extra hugs and kisses while i am gone , but i can easily see her crying and throwing a tantrum if she were to be brought into the hospitle to see me for an hour or two , then wisked away only to leave mommy behind. I think it will be too hard on her .So my husband and i agree that i will drive myself at 530 am to the hospital and i will call them later in the afternoon and talk to her on the phone and tell her the doctor is making mommys tummy better and that i will be home soon. If she cries and fusses at least she will be home with daddy and her sisiters and brother so she will be ok... i will miss her dearly, but the monthly pain i endure takes time away from her and the rest of my family, so it is worth the short time of being apart., besides my sister and my dad will be with me at the hospital so i will have family close by after i come out, I am having a TAH on Feb 26th. I have been told 2nights/3days in the hospital , so i will be thinking positive so i can get home to my family. The older 3 kids are my step children whom live with us full-time so they are really like my own. I love them dearly. So maybe becasue i had abdominal surgery in 1995 for an ovarian dermoid, then c-sec in 1999, i kinda know what to expect. I respect my physician with whom i have worked with personally, i am an ultrasound technologist, that is where the historian comes from. I have been measuring and watching my uterine fibroids for years especially after they grew during pregnancy. You would be surprised at how many women i see in my profession who suffer from gyn problems. I always ask myself what actually has caused the female population of this world to have so many problems with their reproductive system, COUld it be environmental? i dont know. I am just awaiting my day with optimism, success , and the knowledge that i will no- longer be in pain 60 days out of the year.:-D
  #10  
Unread 02-12-2002, 12:32 PM
I'm already an emotional basketcase....

Your feelings are perfectly normal! I have an 8 year old daughter but could not have any more due to endo. I also felt very "cheated" that the decision to have more children had been taken away from me. I have tried to focus on the blessing of having my daughter but sometimes it is very hard .

My daughter was a little frightened when she came to see me because I was so sleepy. Since your children are younger you might want to wait a day or so until you are fully awake. You might also see if you can find some age appropriate books on going to the doctor or going to the hospital for them. Also, I tried to keep my daughter's schedule as normal as possible while I was in the hospital. With the help of relatives and friends she went to school, piano lessons etc...and I think this helped her. Best Wishes to you for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. God Bless!
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