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Worried about appointment -- having a pity party... Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

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  #1  
Unread 02-21-2002, 04:20 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

Hi ladies--

I have my appointment next week for more chemo (I'm assuming). For some reason, I am really upset about this appointment. I am worried that something is wrong, although I can't put my finger on any specific reason. Things have been going pretty good (aside from feeling yucky on chemo) and my CA-125 is going down. I know that I have problems with anxiety and I am seeing a psychiatrist for it (and am on medication) but I just am dreading the upcoming days until my appointment next week (Tuesday, February 26). I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and she sort of understood, but I am still worried. Today I asked a social worker from the hospital who works with cancer patients to be with me at my appointment next week with me and my husband, so that should help. I feel guilty posting this because I try to be helpful to the other wonderful ladies here, but I just feel like I can't take my own advice these days. I have a lot of faith in God, but when I get this way, I just feel so alone. Do you ladies have any advice -- how do you handle the anxiety during the upcoming days until your appointments?

I love you all,

Cyndy
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  #2  
Unread 02-21-2002, 05:38 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

DEAR CYNDY,

1ST OF ALL A HUGE FOR YOU.

I TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL WITH THE ANXIETY,
I HAVE HAD THIS ALMOST ALL MY LIFE, AND IT ISN'T A JOY
AT ALL. I THINK THE BODY NORMALLY GOES INTO A FRIGHT
FLIGHT, ( FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD ) WHEN WE KNOW WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING THAT WE DREAD, WE JUST FREAK!!
OUR MINDS TRY TO ESCAPE , BUT IT TAKES A TOLL ON OUR BODIES. WE THINK THE WORST POSSIBLE.
PLEASE TRY TO TAKE WHATEVER MEDS YOUR ON FOR THIS ANXIETY
AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX!! IT'S HARD, BUT YOU MUST KEEP DOING THIS UNTIL THE DREADED FEAR DISAPATES.
JUST DEEP BREATH. THINK OF HOW GREAT YOU'LL FEEL ONCE
THIS APPT. IS OUT OF THE WAY.
TALK TO YOU DR. , GET SOME REASURRENCE FROM HIM.
WE TEND TO THINK THE VERY WORST.
I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THAT I TRULY SYMPATIZE WITH YOU .
I KNOW YOUR FEELING ALL TO WELL.
COME ON, CHIN UP!! YOUR GOING TO BE O.K.

MY PRAYERS WILL BE WITH YOU. PLEASE DO PRAY, IT DOES HELP.
  #3  
Unread 02-21-2002, 06:27 PM
{{{Cyndy}}}

Of course you are scared, sweetie. These are scary things we are dealing with. It's normal..and it's ok to be frightened. Now is not the time to tough it out or be strong. We all need some hugs and comfort and pampering. The people around us can try to understand, but until it's them it's happening to, they really don't know how it feels.

You know, I remember thinking when I went in for surgery...yes, my husband loves me, my friends love me, everyone is being supportive...but I will be the one on the gurney. It's a lonely place. It's scary and hard for those that love us, true. But it's our bodies bearing the surgery and treatments and poking at.

What helped me was knowing that lots of other women I did not know, had never met, but knew my fear, were reaching out to me and telling me they cried, they were scared...but they made it. They made it! I can make it, too. I could hardly wait to come back and say to everyone.....'Hey...I made it!'.

And you are going to make it, too, Cyndy. You have love and prayers from all of us showering you in protection. We will be your strength when you are drained. Lean on us....take us with you in your heart to your appointments. Hear us whispering to you...'You can do this, Cyndy, yes you can!'

And then come back here and get some more hugs and some brownies. ~~~~~~~~><~~~~~~~~ for Cyndy!

{{{{{{{{{{{{healing hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

kaatie
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  #4  
Unread 02-21-2002, 06:59 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

Hi Cyndy!!
Sending more hugs to you hon!!
These appointments are so hard, ( I have one next Friday, my first 4 month checkup) and the anxiety is awful leading up to them.

You said it yourself, your CA125 is low, and they told you the chemo was working, so you have every reason to feel that this appointment will be a good one. But you of course are concerned, and thats so normal.

I am sure this is a case of nerves, and that things will go fine for you, and you have so much support and love here Cyndy!

Don't you dare feel guilty about posting. You are going through a rough time, and we are here to help you through it in whatever way we can. You are very supportative of all the ladies here, and thats what this wonderful place is all about.

I am praying extra hard for you that all goes well. We will be here waiting for a full report from ya!!!

Pssst....rumor has it that Kaatie makes the best brownies on the site!!

Try to have a relaxing restful weekend and do something fun!!
Love and Hugs,
M. xoxo
  #5  
Unread 02-21-2002, 07:04 PM
Pretending

Anxiety & Worry....
I told my dh I wish I were an airhead. If I were an airhead I wouldn't worry. I wouldn't think about the future, because I wouldn't realize the gravity of what could happen, what might happen. Airheads just know that there will be a tomorrow and that is it. The only thing that I have in common with an airhead ( I think...) is that no matter what, time doesn't wait for either of us. So no matter how much I worry, and no matter how much an airhead wouldn't, the same amount of time passes, with the same consequence.

My dh says - so pretend you're an airhead. And that is what I do. I make little deals with myself. I will not think about my appt. or test for 1 hour. Everytime I find myself thinking about it, I say stop it you airhead, outloud! Iknarf & I were talking about making little bargains with ourselves for different things.

Cyndy I can really empathize with you. There is just nothing like the bad feelings we can get. But...we have to keep telling ourselves that we will ALLOW ourselves the pleasure of one blissful hour of "airheadedness" and do it.

I hope you feel better soon. RobinS
  #6  
Unread 02-21-2002, 07:23 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

More s for Cindy:

You are right!!! You are so supportive to all of us. As I said before, you are
one of my hero's and role models on this site. But that doesn't mean we
expect you to be an iron woman. But you are a strong person. Getting
hit with this recurrence may have hurt more than the original diagnosis.
And you are dealing with it! You would be inhuman not to feel great levels
anxiety. And if by chance your new chemo drug isn't doing all you had hoped
for, there are still so many treatment drugs out there. Get out the little
"There's No Place Like Hope" book and read the chapter called the Dreaded
Doctor's Visit. I loved the little part about ice in her veins when her feet would not carry her into the doc's office. On Monday I have my first big three month check up with my gyn onc surgeon. I had all my labs taken from my
port on Wednesday. My first ca125 in three months. I too have been feeling pretty darn anxious. Sorta like being handed a future in three month
increments. I was thinking of posting with the same question you did. How
to handle the anxiety. When I read your post I knew on some level I was
not alone this coming weekend. I am in good company with you Cyndy.
And Maria too, will be sharing our feelings as her appt approaches.
So remember, you are not alone. We are all together here, even if it is
cyperspace.
oxoxoxoxkarenann ovcaIIIc
  #7  
Unread 02-21-2002, 07:33 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

{{{Cyndy}}}

Everyone has already said it so well, but I wanted to let you know that I will keep you in heart and mind and prayer. Good luck at your appt, and please, PLEASE come here anytime that you need us (or even if you don't need us--we just like seeing you)!

And you'd better grab some of those brownies quick--they have a tendency to disappear fast, but they are SO good for you!

  #8  
Unread 02-22-2002, 05:45 AM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

Cyndy,
You have been an inspiration to me!!!! I do not believe that there is any concrete way to handle the anxiety. I think we just need to take it one moment at a time. Keep very, very, very busy.
I try to go out alot, the less time I spend at home alone, the less time I have to think about anything.
I have pity parties frequently, never mind the doctor's appointment, but just that this happened to us, and how we have to live our lives now. At 38 years old I have never felt so old. My only solution is to keep busy, it is my sanity, the less time I have alone with myself, the less I think. I can understand what RobinS meant about being an "airhead"
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and there will only be good news. There is a power to positive thinking.
Love,
Valentina
  #9  
Unread 02-22-2002, 02:45 PM
Worried about appointment -- having a pity party...

Cyndy,
I am so glad you asked for support!! I'm sure that was not easy for you!! You have been so strong for so many of us here!! I will be praying for you! Now go and keep yourself busy, and hopefully it will be next Wed. before you know it!

RobinS, I love the comment about being an airhead!! You know, worrying doesn't make the time go faster and for that matter, it doesn' t change the outcome either!!

: )
  #10  
Unread 02-23-2002, 09:08 AM
Thank you

Thank you all for the wonderful answers to my posting -- I really think you are all angels -- it is so wonderful to have a place where we can vent our feelings and receive support -- what a Godsend.

I will keep you posted as to how the appointment goes and will try to keep busy this weekend --

By the way Kaatie -- I can't wait for the brownies!

Love,

Cyndy
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