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No one to help me after TAH. No one to help me after TAH.

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Unread 03-04-2002, 04:22 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Another military spouse here! Aren't we coming out of the woodwork? Heh.

I strongly recommend you contact your hubby's command. Hysterectomy is a major surgery and he will more than likely be given the time off. Even if it's not 2 weeks, he can take the 10 day emergency leave for this.

Do you have a name and number for an Ombudsman? I used to be one and I didn't know if all branches had them or just Navy.

I'm sorry you are going through this right before your surgery. I could never handle 2 little ones on my own after this surgery. It really knocked me on my butt! I'm healing, but slowly and with tons of pampering!!

What about a parent of yours or his that could just stay for a few days? Maybe they could have a dominio effect? One stay for 3 days, another arrive the day they leave, etc.

Also, contact the chaplin on the base, they have tons of resources I have found.

Let me know if I could help you in any way. My email is always on!

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Unread 03-04-2002, 07:09 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Sara, Joann (and all military spouses)-
It's amazing what we go through, support systems being there and sometimes not. Here's a chuckle for DH was talking with his mother over the weekend and mentioned that I might have to have surgery in the next few months. Get this- she said, Please let her know so she can change her plans.
If I am having surgery, she WON'T be coming out in June! Heaven forbid that I should go and have something as BORING done such as a hys!!! Would mess up her CO vacation, that's for sure, if the ol tour guide (me) was on the sofa!!
This somehow reminded me of a Monty Python skit- Run away! Run Away!!!
M-I-L is lucky- I'd come and help if she needed it...
Joann-I hope you get to really know the AFIT spouses- we ended up truly supporting each other, esp with childcare when we were down with a stomach virus and some had to go to the ER. I can't think of any assignment where we got so close to people in just 18 months- and we were scattered from Huber Heights to Centerville. Just something to look forward to! (the support, not a stomach virus, LOL) Nina
Unread 03-05-2002, 03:41 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Well, ladies, here is where I stand. Dh cannot get any time off except for the 3 days I am in the hospital. Not only can he not get time off, he has to work every weekend too when he is normally off. The child development center is full and the one family care provider is full as well. DH asked his mom to come down for just a week and she said she couldn't, she just got home from a 6 month vacation and is tired. We will continue to look for a sitter just for the day of surgery but I have serious doubts. It's OK, I have been on my own here for years, I will manage.

TAH/BSO 3/13
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Unread 03-05-2002, 03:59 AM
No one to help me after TAH.


I'm sorry to hear that his command is so unmoving. My hubby said that each command is so different!

I would help if I could girlfriend!

Unread 03-05-2002, 06:17 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Oh Joann...
Your situation is giving me the chills. I would tell your doctor, mention that you will be going home from the hospital without any support and that you will be a full time caregiver to your children. Say what you have written to all of us, every bit of it.
And then ask what you should do...
What would happen at your DH's office if he were suddenly incapacited? Would the work continue? Of course they'd manage.
And emergency leave is granted for a death in the family. This situation qualifies as urgent as well.
Your other option is to delay surgery- if you were close to family in Ohio, could they come out or at least care for your children for a week? But, as I wrote to you that I spoke with an RN friend whose DH was at AFIT at the same time as mine, it's not a great time to have surgery as they can get time off...but there's such an avalanche of work and classes that one can fall behind very quickly if a day is missed. AFIT gets its money's worth out of their people! But...and this is the plus, the spouses did have a good support network.
I'd definately make your situation known to those in charge- the words "family support" are meaningless if those in need are told to fend for themselves. Have you gone to the base chaplain? Please try there- often they know just the people to call. Do call. No one should be expected to do what is being demanded of you.
Imagine- if an active duty person underwent major surgery and on the day of release they said, Now, get back to work!
That's what's being asked of you- and you have TWINS.
Call if you haven't yet... and let us know. And for heaven's sake, what base is this??? This is awful! Hugs and prayers across the miles...Nina
Unread 03-05-2002, 07:07 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Hi, I just read your post and my DH is old navy, and he said you can go to the base commander and put in a chit for emergency 30 days leave and that way your DH will be there to help you out & he won't get any feathers out of whack at work so to speak. Just a thought. mari burket.
Unread 03-05-2002, 07:55 AM

Hi I also was worried about taking care of my 3 yr old, my husband only took off half of one day..and so far i have been ok with her.. I get her to watch cartoons and let her bring her toys around the house.. I was lucky my surgery was on a tues and i was released on a thursday.. so i had DH all weekend. Maybe you could arrange for DH to be home half days at least, or find a support group maybe through the military that could come to your home while you are there and help you, at least your toddlers would have their mommy right there....I am alone alot with my toddler and i am one week post op. I am doing well thinking positive and doing things slowly, but not needing my pain meds until bedtime, just ibuprofen seems to help during the day...i didnt want to leave my little one with strangers either and my family is far away, no help, and my DH is a civilian working for the military so i understand they cant always get away... i do things in sections , a little at a time then ly down rest. we also have a computer our 3 year old has her own games to play, that helps , she keeps pretty occupied, and i have held her on my lap without pain, using pillows...Goodluck hope everyhting falls into place for you, this is temporary....I thought she would really miss me in the hospital , but she had dad and she was absolutley fine no crying etc for mommy... i was relieved.. Take care and god bless.
Unread 03-18-2002, 08:11 PM
Any new developments?

Have you been able to work anything new out for help with the kids? You have been on my heart and mind!

God Bless,
Unread 03-19-2002, 04:51 AM
No one to help me after TAH.

Well, we had/have no help at all. DH went back to work yesterday, only 5 days post-op and I just got home Sat. I had to call him to come home after only an hour or so. I couldn't keep up with the twins, my daughter ran out of the house and I had to get her and my son jumped on my tender belly. DH brought his work home and when they fell asleep in the afternoon he went back to work for a few hours and then worked from home all night. The house is a mess, the laundry is piled and there are no groceries. If I didn't feel so good hormonally and emotionally I might just cry. Instead I am resisting the temptation to clean everything and I am resting. I feel better as each day passes so hopefully I can tend to the twins after this week is over.

Thank you for your continued thoughts!

TAH/BSO 3/13
Premarin 1.25 (I love this stuff!)
Unread 03-19-2002, 03:20 PM
No one to help me after TAH.

maybe DH can pretend he's on his own for a few more days and do the shopping, laundry, dishes, and kid care like single moms do I dont know. I wish I knew where you were and that my wonderful family could help you too!

I am thinking of you lots and hope you continue to recover each and every day!

God Bless,

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