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Should I let my daughter come to the hospital Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

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Unread 03-04-2002, 04:45 PM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

My TVH/BSO is scheduled for 3-18. I have an 8 year old daughter who is very attached to me and is already starting to cry thinking about me going to the hospital. I have tried comforting and reassuring her but I am worried about when it comes time to leave. I have to be at the hospital by 6:00 am and I am worried that when she wakes up and finds me gone , she will not be able to go to school. I thought it would be better for her if she went to school and be around friends , but my husband was thinking about letting her come to the hospital and stay in the waiting room . I told him I was afraid that my appearance might scare her. She has never spent the night away from home , even though she has tried a couple of times , but We've had to pick her up because she gets so homesick.
Any suggestions from princesses who has been there?
I also want to say thanks to everyone . This site has been my lifesavor. I check it every day and get the much needed support I need.
s to all of you !!!!!
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Unread 03-04-2002, 05:12 PM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

So glad you found us!

As for your 8 yr old daughter, you know her better than anyone and I think you should do whatever you think will cause less stress on her AND you. If you think she will do better if she can see you right before (and after) surgery ... have her come. But if you think she might get very emotional and cause more stress for you, then I think you need another plan. After all, this is YOU having the surgery and YOU don't need any extra stress at all! My 20 yr old daughter came with DH to the hospital and I really wanted her there ... but a 20 yr old is much different from an 8 yr old. I know you are very worried about your daughter, as any mother would be, but I am worried about you and hope you will make this as easy as possible for yourself.

Best of luck, Terri.

Unread 03-04-2002, 05:16 PM
my daughter

My daughter is older, 16, & able to drive herself. She lives with her father now and we have had some mom-teenager concerns lately. This surgery has seemed to patch up some things. I had my surgery early in the morning and my daughter arrived the first day after school with flowers. I was very out of it and barely awake to take a quick glance at visitors. The next day she was back with a dozen of my favorite chocolates although I didn't have much of an appetite. She sat by my bedside doing homework until my husband arrived. She was reassured each time she came in that I was getting better daily. She walked with me around the hospital. Now that I have been home, she has come every day after school with only a couple of exceptions when she's had to work early. She comes by, checks on me, reminds me to take it easy. and feeds the dogs for me. She has been such a help and support. She told the school counselor, a dear friend of mine, that she didn't realize mom had been so "sick" for so long and never knew the pain and discomfort I had been in. I think our appreciation for each other has been a positive one. It's wonderful to have my loving daughter back.
Your daughter is much younger and hospitals are scary places. Perhaps someone can bring her by for a quick visit to reassure her that you are okay after your surgery. Keep her busy requesting that she makes you a pretty card or picture to hang on the hospital wall. A hug from mom can help chase away the fears.
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Unread 03-04-2002, 05:28 PM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

Hi... I too have a young daughter (10 yrs) and step-daughter (8yrs) and my daughter will be at the hospital with my husband and parents. We have a very close relationship and she was a little teary-eyed last week and wanted me to explain what I was having done. So, since there are some things with birds & bee's we have discussed, the easiest way to tell her was that I was having removed what she lived in for 9 months before she was born. And with here being so mature for 10 and she knows well of mommie always bleeding (because of a few accidents that have happened) she said so then you will feel so much better. So in turn she asked me if she could be at the hospital to see me before surgery. I think it is up to the individual but if you think your daughter would feel more comfortable being at hosp. it may be better than at school worrying.
Unread 03-04-2002, 05:57 PM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

Thank you ladies for answering. I feel better already. I will definately think about letting her go . Maybe it would be better for her to see me ( and me see her ) right before and after wards. Thanks for the encouraging words. Best Wishes to all of you . Terri
Unread 03-04-2002, 05:59 PM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

My kids are older, 23 yo dd and 18 yo ds. But, 25 years ago when my Mom had a hyst, I was 21, and I went to the hosp and saw her as soon as she got back to her room. I thought she was going to die. Her roommate said "don't worry I was out of it like that yesterday too and look at me now!" She did look so much better the next day. Remembering my Mom's surgery I told everyone except dh not to come visit me til the next day.

You know your daughter better than anyone, but even at 21, I was really, really scared to see my Mom like that. And I am the type who has always been able to watch a dr or vet do any type of procedure on anyone or anything. You yourself don't have a clue how you're going to look those first few hours to untrained eyes. Maybe to the nurses, etc you appear completely normal, but to loved ones of any age it can be extremely stressful. The next day would be much better.
Unread 03-05-2002, 08:07 AM
I have 2 girls

I have 2 girls ages 6 and 10. I know what you're going through. I have to agree that it's better if they see you the next day or even later depending on your planned stay. The hospital I was having surgery in is 4 hours from my home and I had to be at the hospital at 6:00 A.M. so my DH and I had to go spend the night in a hotel the night before. I missed my girls terribly. Since it was so early, I didn't want to call and wake them before the surgery to talk to them either. My children are very close to their grandparents, who live in the same town as we do so it was convenient for their grandmother to take them to school and pick them up. On the day of the surgery, she let them go to school but then told them she would pick them up early so she could keep them informed. This kept them busy and gave them something to do but also they looked forward to getting out of school early and hearing from their Dad and Mom. I knew I was going to be in the hopital at least four days so we planned in advance for the day they would come to see me. They looked forward to it and this gave me time to look and feel better before their visit. I had had the same experience of seeing my own mother immediately following a major surgery and I was in my teens. I was horrified! I didn't want that to happen to my girls. Also, I didn't know(for several days) who had visited me. I was on so much pain medication that I didn't even remember phone conversations. My DH stayed with me the entire 6 days I ended up staying. He made a daily record of visitors and phone calls for me and it wasn't until I got home and read it that I realized people called and visited that I had no memory of. Again, do what you think is best for your family but IMHO letting her stay with family or close friends would be a better experience. She can call often(as my girls did). My voice on the phone seemed to suffice!

Good luck! : Kim
Unread 03-05-2002, 08:24 AM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

Hi Terri, I agree about maybe waiting until the next day to have your daughter visit you at the castle, but only you know her well enough to know what is best for both of you. I have 2 boys, ages 12 and 8-1/2. Beforehand I explained the surgery in detail to them (they asked) and the older one was probably more nervous than I was. The younger one has always been pretty easygoing about things and took it in stride. I had them stay with their dad (we are divorced almost 7 years now) for 3 weeks starting the weekend before surgery. My 12 year old (7th grader) has a cell phone which he keeps in his backpack at school so he can call me with schedule changes due to after school activities and such. I made a deal with him that I would call him and leave him a voice mail as soon as I was able to after surgery, and he could check his voice mail at lunchtime and after school and then call me back in the evening to chat. I did call him shortly after I woke up, and even then my mom took the phone away from me after I told him I was OK and added to my message because apparently I sounded pretty out of it and she didn't want him to be scared. He called me back later and told me I had sounded so drunk! (How does he know what drunk sounds like? Movies? TV shows?) But that evening (it had then been about 12 hours since the surgery) I was able to sort of have a conversation with him. Also my BF came to the hospital shortly after my surgery and had to bring his 7 year old grandson with him (no babysitter)...I guess it went OK but I noticed the little one spent most of the time looking out the window. I suspect I looked and sounded a little scary to him. He's used to seeing me totally in control of everything and really with it, and here I was barely able to finish a sentence because of the morphine. The next day was a lot different, I had showered and gotten off the morphine and was much more myself and able to talk to people. This was only my experience, and yours may be different. If you think the benefits to you and her of having her there outweigh the potential negatives, and your hospital allows it, go ahead and let her be there (with your DH). You might want to have a backup plan though in case she becomes frightened or you change your mind. Whatever you decide, make sure you give her the idea that you are looking forward to this and confident that it will make you "all better". Good luck and
- Linda
Unread 03-05-2002, 08:24 AM
Daughter coming to hospital

I was able to see my children the morning of the surgery cuz it wasn't until noon..But I really didnt want my kids there the day of the surgery cuz I didn't want to scare them. I was pretty out of it and it would of been hard on me too to make sure I was presentable to them..they came up the next day after my cath was out and my IV was only a hep lock..And the needle I had in my hand did scare them But i was up and about when they came and was even able to come home that day per my request..It is hard on the kids to go thru this with their moms and they worry..My hubby did call them as soon as my dr came and told him I was in recovery so that they didn't worry anymore about me being okay..But these are just my thoughts on the matter..
Unread 03-05-2002, 11:12 AM
Should I let my daughter come to the hospital

Boy, thats a tough call, my thoughts are that she will feel isolated
and frightened at school and left out. I'd take her to hospital with her coloring book and crayons and things, maybe you could have someone on standby to pick her up if it was too tiring. If she
is very dependant ( not a bad thing) on you it might be better
for her to be near you. Also gently explain to her that you will be fine even if you appear to be out of it right after the surgury,
I think she wants to be with her parents, lord only knows what would be on her little mind at school. You know your child best.

My experience was that I was drowsy after surgury but not in raging pain ( drugs). I don't sleep well with drugs in my system,
maybe after she see's Moomy woke up and is fine but wants to take a nap, dh could take her to Mcdonalds or something and then bring her up the next day. Only you know whats best for the little sweetie.

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