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I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry) I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

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Unread 03-06-2002, 08:02 AM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

Hi Everyone!
I found this wonderful site on my search for answers about my hyster, I have read lots of post that have helped me out,I've even had a "wigg out" session in the chat room(thanks you to all the wonderful ladies who talked to me that BAD DAY) but I do have a few concerns that I haven't run across yet I hope some one can help me calm down!

I have read alot about how much pain everyone is in before the hyster (cramping and such) and how much better they feel afterward,but my problemis I feel no pain at all now.(I guess that's not really a problem hu?) I had no idea I had a problem til I went for my yearly pap and it came back abnormal. I had the same problem about 8 years ago and had laser surgery to "correct" the problem and I was fine til now. I had a Colposcopy and my Dr. took 3 biopsies, then I waited (not very good wait) When he called me back he told me that I had Severe Dysplasia (high grade, I think is what he said,he also said something about it being "borderline" I was in a complte state of SHOCK!) He suggested that I have a Leep?? because he thought it was my FIRST go around with this, when I told him that It was the second time, he told me to consider a LAVH to solve the problem once and for all!! I have 3 wonderful children and my tubes are tied so it's not like I need any of that..... so I decided that was the way to go. I just don't want to take any chances of this turning in to something SERIOUS. I'm going in on the 15th for my pre-op (surgery is 21st) I'm SO NERVOUS!! I had made my mind up that this is the right thing to do, but now I'm questioning myself (I think it's mostly because of fear. not that I think I made the wrong decision.......I have no idea what the heck I'm trying to say here... I have many weird fears and thats where the feeling like an Idiot comes in.... My fears are,
1, I'm in No pain now, and I will be in LOTS afterward
2, that I wont wake up
3, that something will go Majorly wrong (bladder problems etc.)
4, that I wont be able to take care of my kids afterward
and the list goes on and on.....
I have read post where some of the ladies are nesting,,,, well I aint....I don't want to do anything and I'm stressed about getting nothing done!!! The only thing thats getting done here is WORRY!! and whinning...can't forget to add that.
I'm sorry for the Long rambling going on here (now you see why I haven't posted) It's just that everyone around me keeps telling me "Its NO big deal"......and they are frankly tired of hearing me WHINE about it.....It may not be a Big deal to them, but it is to me...
I guess I have no question.....I just wanted to hear some kind words.........

(I'm really not as weird as it seems....Just don't handle stress well)
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Unread 03-06-2002, 08:30 AM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

I had the same concerns as you. I wasn't in any pain most of the time. I felt I could wait to do this. I was afraid of the pain after though, I had a TAH. Every once in a while I would panic imagining my kids having to grow up without a mother, my fear was not waking up or having complications after surgery. The gas definately came but I had no problems with it as long as I walked. My surgery went fine, no problems. My recovery is going good, 1 week now, there is only pain when I get up and move around too much and then it's not nearly what I thought it would be like. All my stressing out before hand (I did alot) was for nothing this surgery ended up being ok.
TAH due to endo, kept ovaries
Unread 03-06-2002, 08:35 AM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

Oh, Lisa, I just had to reply because you sound EXACTLY like I did when I was pre-op!

I had a large fibroid, but had no pain or discomfort, so I was really questioning this surgery. I was afraid that I would be in worse shape afterwards, that I would have permanent bladder problems, that recovery would be a nightmare, that sex wouldn't be the same, that I might change my mind and decide I want kids some day, etc. etc. etc...

I was so obsessed with the upcoming surgery, it was all I could think / talk about. I KNOW everyone was sick of hearing about it.

Don't apologize for being so upset right now. This IS a major surgery, and you have every right to be "obsessing" about it!

Please keep reading the posts here, and asking any and all questions you have. The ladies here did a wonderful job calming me down, answering all my questions, and just generally holding my hand. Hang in there!
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Unread 03-06-2002, 10:05 AM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

ahh bless you!
I am 33 and have 3 children 8 5 and 3.I also was in no pain prior to surgery and apart from childbirth have never felt real pain before.So i too was scared.I had my PAH on 18th Feb and its not as bad as you think honestly.Yes it can be uncomfortable at times,but on the whole its really not that bad.
i am just over 2 weeks op. i still have gas but just moving helps with that.The children are being quite understanding,and you just find other ways of doing things.I just take 2 nurofen at night time and 2 first thing in the morning and thats all.
Just tell your friends not to make you laugh too much although my nurse did tell me laughter is the best medicine.
Youll be fine honest.
Just yell if you need a chat i am on here most days
love debbiexxxxxx
Unread 03-06-2002, 12:04 PM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

Lisa, I know just how you feel. I have never had a problem with pain. I have dysplasia, and unexplained heavy periods with clotting. I've had lupron shots. I had an endometrial ablasion (to hopefully stop heavy periods) with plans to do a LEEP at the same time. The dr had so many problems I wound up needing stitches in my cervix making the LEEP impossible. I found a new Dr. At that point I'd been bleeding for 3 months. The ablasion was considered a failure and there was no guarantee the LEEP would take care of the dysplasia so he recommended a hyster. A TAH was the first doctors original plan of action until she read I have lots of adhesions from 4 previous c-secions. Both drs stated a hyst with all these adhesions will be difficult. I too worry about problems occuring. I worry about the possible bladder problems. I worry about possible new adhesions causing problems. This site has been a God send. The posts from all the women who have had positive experiences is a big help. At times when I get really nervous I read the posts in cancer concerns. That really puts it all into prospective.

Best wishes to you,
Unread 03-06-2002, 12:06 PM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

Lisa, I'm so glad you posted! I have many of those same anxieties and concerns.

I'm not in pain all the time, just before & during my period. Most of the time I'm fine. Every few weeks I get this weird intestinal thing (happened last night, yuck) that might or might not be caused by endo. But I'm so used to coping with menstrual pain and that intestinal thing that when I panic about the surgery, I tell myself better the devil you know.

But my basic reason for wanting a hyst is unchanged: I want my FREEDOM. I want freedom from cramps. I want to explore a possible answer for my intestinal condition. And I'm willing to take the risk of complications, partly because I'm so motivated to never again have menstrual cramps, and partly because all the research I've done tells me the risk is acceptably low.

I really believe I'll come through this well. I have a great doc and hospital.

Anyway, hang in there and good luck!!

Unread 03-06-2002, 04:53 PM
We're always here for you!!

Hi Lisa!

Sweetie the reason for this WONDERFUL site is to give you support and hopefully ease some of your fears and tears. My surgery is the day before yours.We wiil be going through this together... But we also have all of our sisters going through it with us. I had the same thoughts you have. I was stressing out soooo bad I was causing myself major anxiety attacks. But I read sooo many posts about the fears that a lot of our sisters had pre-op. I learned that this is normal. After all.... we are getting ready for major surgery.
If you go to the home page and go towards the bottom, there are some pull down menus. Go to the one for 'Ladies in Waiting' 'Pre-op Hints". There is a lot of good info in there. There is a section called " Fear & Death Thoughts " This helped me & maybe can also help you.

& for you.Try to relax a little. I know it is easier said than done. But maybe you can find things around the house to try to occupy your mind a little. My thing now is to clean my closets and linen closets. I tackled the cabinets under the bathroom and kitchen sinks today. Tomorrow will be the pantry and kitchen cabinets. I've cooked a bunch of meals that I froze so I won't have to cook a lot during recovery. I plan a trip to "Sam's" to stock up on toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, etc.
I know it helps to talk about the surgery because it seems to be always on our mind. I know I drive my DH crazy talking about it all the time. If you can't get anyone to listen.... Remember..Here we are!! WE will listen to you and give you our support!

Unread 03-06-2002, 05:10 PM
I feel like an IDIOT! (very long, sorry)

I think a lot of us LIW's go thru the same emotions. I do not have any pain either. Large fibroids, heavy bleeding. As much as I want the hysterectomy - I also questioned my decision after making it - although just for about 10 minutes! haha. It really does help to keep yourself busy. Even if you don't feel like it - cleaning your home and preparing will make you feel better. It takes your mind of the surgery and you know that the closer it gets to your surg. date you will start wishing you had done certain things around the home. So hang in there with the rest of us and we will all be thru it soon!!!!!!!!!!
Unread 03-06-2002, 05:35 PM
Hi! Just about identical to you!!!

10 days ago I had I LAVH BSO., as a result of High Grade Dysplasia. This had been going on for five years, 3 LEEPS and 2 Cone Biopsies. First irregular PAP 15 yrs ago.

I had no pain -- we are not the same as our Endo Sisters. I am 47 yrs old, and because my Ovaries will not work for much longer -- and I do not want to end up in my Dr's Ovariary Cancer Clinic -- I also, on recommendation had ovaries removed.

So Post Op. Home 28 hours post op. 2 Days somewhat uncomfortable -- like a beached whale!! A hormone shot to last me 4 weeks -- decide then....

Went back to work after one week. Desk work, but just fine, would have done nuts at home -- already read two books and watched more TV than I have in a life time.

The gas was the worst part. I took a stool softener, but it still took 4 days to have a bowel movement. Boy, did I feel better after that... still have to be careful what I eat -- really high fibre!!

You will be fine.... you will wake up.... your family will be fine... you will need some rest... pain goes away quickly, and yes, you will have Gas...

And then, quite likely it will be totally over then for you!

Email me privately if you wish. [email protected]

Warm hugs for you,
Unread 03-06-2002, 05:40 PM
I feel like an IDIOT

I have gone through the exact things you have except I had a benign tumor on my left ovary 4 years ago and they had to remove the whole ovary. They sent me home after surgery-The pain was almost unbearable that night but I was fine the next day. This is the second time I have had severe dysplasia on my cervix and doctor suggested Hysterctomy - He also added by the time we got to surgery it probley would be cancer because it went from A cells to severe in a matter of 3 months. That was January. My surgery is tommorow and I'm not really scared or nervous thanks to everyone on this site. It will probley hit me when they are wheeling away to surgery. I will let you know if it is worth it when I get back online. Hang in there and keep reading. Crying is a great stress reliever as RobinS told me when I had my breakdown in the chatroom. Hugs & kisses!

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