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Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

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Unread 03-25-2002, 07:17 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

I tell you, my loving husband thinks that my having this surgery is a far fetched scheme for getting out of housework!

And, with surgery only 32 hours away, the man is suddenly getting aches, pains and who know what else. I tell you, when I need him the most, he's going to crumble and I'll have no recourse but to fend for myself. Susan, aren't you going to go bulk shopping (duh, I've been working 7 days a week; p.s.: he's retired and does NOTHING all day). Susan, did you call the cleaning woman (No, are your fingers broken!) Susan, when are you going to get curtains put up and decorate this beautiful new home I bought for you (even though I know you didn't want to move and have been sick and working 7 days a week since we moved in last year). Susan, this, and Susan that. I'm changing my name.

The "man" went with me to pre-op on Friday and I tell you it took an extra hour for the charge nurse to take his blood pressure and explain his ailments. What the heck is this all about?

Oh, and a bonus added extra. My first born (who is now 11), the love of my life, my honor student, hard working baby, was caught shoplifting lighters on Friday. Then she lied about it. To me. The one who gave her life and everything she ever wanted and needed, who is there for everything. We finally resolved everything with grounding her, making her go to the store and fess up and pay for the lighters, and taking her to the police station (it was reported to the police), then she sneaks out to walk her dog and meets her girlfriend and accomplice in theft, across the street in an abandoned farm and is seen from my house lighting lighters and kabitzing. I drive down in my truck and drag her home and we're all crying and now I can't trust her. She's now grounded from 2 weeks to 4. We talk to her and cry again, she goes to bed, and her girlfriend (another accomplice -- there were 4), leaves a message on the answering machine saying she's returning Sara's call from today. I pick up the phone and advise that Sara is grounded and can't use the phone and she says I know, but she's returning Sara's call. I tell her not to call again, and wake my daughter up and ask if she used the phone and she says "no mom, I swear!"

These will be my comforting thoughts as the wheel me away and rip the very place that I grew that child in out of my body.

Just wanted to let you know.


I feel much better now, and I know I'll be fine.
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Unread 03-25-2002, 07:45 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

I'm glad you feel better after venting! I can tell that your stress level is WAY up there and your family is not making this any easier for you. Isn't it funny how sometimes, when you need them the most, they just can't come through for you?

The day before my lap myomectomy last summer, DH and I had a big fight over the fact that I thought the surgery was really going to "cure" my problems and he didn't believe it. It was maddening! (Turns out he was right this time, but that's another story.)

So sorry to hear you are having all these family issues at this time when you are so vulnerable. We're here for you, any time you need to vent. I sure hope DH and DD get their acts together for you. Whatever you do, don't come home from the castle and start doing everything for them. You will need lots of rest and laying around doing nothing. No matter how much they whine, you have to look out for yourself after this surgery, otherwise you risk complications.

Hang in there. Sending big hugs your way.

Unread 03-25-2002, 08:49 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

Dear SueK,

I feel for you! I too have had a lot of hardships in the past few weeks AND I have a big baby of a dh too! Sometimes just venting makes us feel better doesn't it?

I lost my job one month ago. Can't draw unemployment cause I'm not able to work with a surgery date and the recovery time.

Everyone seemed to have gotten sick at the same time! I'm an emotional mess! No one seems to want to help me clean my house and help me get ready for my surgery! My mother can't understand why I will need help at home after the surgery! Her hyst was over 35 years ago and she stayed in the hospital for 10 days! Of course she was feeling better by then.

I finally announced that all I wanted was for someone to give me a ride to the hospital and home again! That turned people around! My dh is better, he's now getting worried about my surgery (the 29th).

I can't wait til my dh gets the 'talk' from my gyn. He didn't go with me to my pre-op so he's into a REAL talking to.

When I had my D&C last fall my oldest dd came with me to pre-op and the surgery. My gyn gave her all kinds of instructions on how to care for me the next 24 hours.

s ers are being sent to you!

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Unread 03-26-2002, 08:03 AM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

Hi . Sorry to hear what you are going through. Keep coming to this site and read and vent. That was the only support I received prior to my surgery. My husband was a " poopy head" also. He acted like he was sick also and when I would be trying to get things ready , which I didn't get a whole lot done before I went, he would be lying on the couch. He acted like I had some kind of contagous disease , I had to actually ask him for a hug when I really needed one. Hopefully your husband is just scared and doesn't know how to show you. The day of my surgery and the day I came home , my husband finally told me that he was worried and was so glad that I was finally home. He still doesn't come too close but I believe he thinks he will hurt me if he hugs too hard. It was really rough for awhile. I felt just like you , when I needed him the most , was when he wasn't there. Just come to this wonderful site for encouragement and support. That's what I did and it really helped. Don't worry if you don't get everything finished before you go. I sure didn't and my house looks worse now since I haven't done anything since I have been home. I just tell people who stop by " Excuse the house , this is what happens when Mom is out of commission." People come to see me anyway, not my house and they know my house doesn't normally look like this. I am so glad you found this site. There are so many caring ladies out there and this is such a great place to come for support.
Best Wishes to you. You will be in my prayers. Terri
Unread 03-26-2002, 08:54 AM
Isn't it funny Mom is the center in the house!

Ever so often a Mom has to deal with something like surgery or the flu and what happens around her each member of the family suddenly can't grasp what is going on in their own home. I had a DH who was no help even wanted me to put off my surgery. I had put it off long enough years in fact, so my DH was sort of mad at me. My wonderful Brother-in-law (my DH's brother) came and took me home. He also took me to the DR to get my staples out Three days later. I love him for his caring and my DH just said well someone has to work. I lost my job the week before I went into the hospital. So hang in there it does get better. I had a wonderful son who came home from college and took care of me for 4 weeks before going back to his apartment and I do mean he took care of me. He drove me where I needed to go and went and got groceries of course the house didn't get cleaned but believe it or not we lived through it Sometimes we women just have to deal with it. It being what ever comes our way and of course it isn't fair but who said life was fair. You will do fine. I am saying for you each day. I find is the help you need. Be a good Princess and just pamper yourself. Use guilt on your DD. If that don't work tell her you have spies and she will be grounded till she goes to college. God Bless.
Unread 03-26-2002, 10:03 AM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

My goodness Sue, if it's any consolation, the world could use another Erma and you could well be on your way!! Just to make you feel so at home when it comes to your DH, my 12 year partner (boyfriend makes him sound like he's 19 and he's far from that) has decided that he'll leave it to my mom and sister to take me to the hospital and he'll come up later in the day, when he gets out of work!! Men, do they even have a clue?? And yet, when they have a small cut on their finger, we have to do everything for them, from cleaning the cut to cutting their food!! As for your daughter, if this is the first time you have any sort of trouble from her, consider her age and the stress she may be feeling from your upcoming surgery. Give her a little benefit of the doubt until after your recovery, then if she's still behaving like some juvenile delinquent, rent her out for odd jobs such as planting gardens and cleaning toilets - you may as well enjoy some benefit from having given birth to her!

You are not alone...
Unread 03-26-2002, 11:07 AM

I sure understand. The $#!* always seems to hit the fan the week of surgery, huh?
I'm am learning that many of our dear husbands cannot shoulder the responsibility of a family like we can. Sad, but true. Somehow, we have to put our blinders on and concern ourselves with our healing. It is so hard. For instance, my 1 and 3 year old are screaming their heads off in my filthy basement playroom in my filthy house while hubby does nothing. Sounds somewhat familiar, eh?
Just remind yourself that this is a short period of time in your life. This too, shall pass.
As for your 11 year old...I WAS that 11 year old. THAT sounds familiar! You did all the right things. Just keep it up. She'll be ok. Even if she spends 3/4 of her life grounded till she goes to college. You're an awesome mom for loving her so much...and for showing her that.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Best Wishes for a speedy recovery and peace of mind!
Unread 03-26-2002, 12:17 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

thank you all for responding and not making me feel like a miserable ****. as a matter of fact, i'm laughing -- regarding my daughter "rent her out to plant gardens and clean toilets", ROFL! i do feel better today; somewhat nauseaus (think it's butterflies). just left work and all the cards and prayers are wonderful.

life is good. and i'm better because ALL OF YOU are with me.

i'll be on the boards later this evening and then into the chatroom later tonight, then off i go....


Unread 03-26-2002, 02:24 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband


I can so relate to your thread. Just don't change your name to Gail (lol).

Pre op my crew had no idea how I was feeling. The endless tears I shed that no one seemed to care what I was about to face. Luckily, not too much happened pre op and my op and hospital stay all went well. It was the day I was due to come home it all started to fall to pieces.

My oldest son (26) was booked into hospital the day I was due to come home. He was having general anaesthetic for the removal of his 4 wisdom teeth. Well my partner picked me up, we got to the bus stop near home, ds and his girlfriend were waiting for the bus, so we stopped and drove them back to hosp. I had only been gone from there 15 minutes before. He had bad reaction to the morphine, the hosp wanted to keep him in, but no, he wanted to come home. My partner went to pick him up. They took him to the car in a wheelchair. Mental picture time - my partner weighs 58 kilograms when he is dripping wet. My son weighs 120 kilograms. If he had had trouble getting son out of the car at home, I don't know how he would have coped. Son is more than twice the size of my partner. Anyhow, with spew bowl and still doped to the eyeballs, son came in and all he wanted was mum to take care of him - hello!!!!! Then he got angry that I was unable to care for him. Thank goodness for the girlfriend.

A week later while I was still well and truly in recovery mode, my partner broke his hand. He was trying to stop our dogs from barking. He hit the wall, I continued to sleep, dogs still barked, he got a broken hand (hit the doorway). So off he goes to the hosp in ambulance, comes home with plaster to the elbow. He is right handed and guess what - it was his right hand that he broke. Couldn't shower himself properly, couldn't cut up food. Generally was a pain in the butt. It was like a three ring circus going shopping. It was a combination of what we could both do. We are in our 40's and both normally very healthy, but we looked like a pair of refugees from a geriatric unit.

Well I am now 15 weeks and I did survive it all. I am well, son's mouth healed okay (with much groaning) and partner's hand is also fine. Just waiting for the next disaster now.

Gee, thank goodness none of this happened pre op.

Sue, good luck and best wishes for your surgery and I hope my little saga has let you know that you are not alone with life's little hiccups.


Unread 03-26-2002, 02:46 PM
Pre-Op Not-So-Dear Husband

I had to laugh at your thread..even tho it is not funny..the day of my surgery DH and his mother were in my room after I got back for a total of 20 minutes..I was out of it and on....and they said they were going up to eat at the cafeteria..Well...come 9 that nite here I am wondering where the $%^& DH is..I called home umpteen times, called freinds and nobody had seen him. Here he comes in at ten pm and they had been to the casino, cuz I was sleeping and he didn't want to disturb me in my sleep..HELLO..I was looking for you and needed you..HA...but to give him credit he did take care of me for two weeks solid not letting me do a thing..Altho in the last five weeks my floor has been mopped one time..And I am not doing it right now..I find that when I do some things I end up hurting and I have come this far NOT going to ruin it..THe funny thing is DH had surgery in October and another next month and i was ath is side ..sleeping in his room. of course it was five hours away from where we live and I was there for him day and nite..and he's off to the casino just after I get back to my room? cuz he thought I was so out of it I would n't notice..they haven't a clue do they? Life falls apart with us down..

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