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dh made me cry and now I can't stop.. dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

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Unread 04-05-2002, 11:06 AM
I am 16 days post op I had TVH

my DH and I have been married for 6 years and we don't have any children together although we do share a son (his son Is married to my daughter)

ok we have only had 4 major events in our marriage that we've had to deal with
his father passed away 2 years ago on thanksgiving day
my daughter had 3 preterm babies

so I had this cramping in my belly one night
so I went to the doctor and he ran some test and found a fibroyed it was not very big so anyway my MD sent me to a GYN and he did a pelvic exam and told me that I had a prolasp and asked me if I was peeing on myself which I was so he
told me to do kegl excisers (so I did )and he wanted to see me back in one month
I went back notheing had changed so we talked about doing surgery
I said ok let's do it
so he set me up for surgery in three weeks
well I came home and told my hubby and he just said ok now what I said I don't know then we did a search and found hystersister site
my husband ask me what I need and I told him
but he can't cook so that had me really worried and he didn't seem like he wanted to learn
for two weeks all he said was I will do in when I have too
so I guess he thought that I was going to be able to do the cooking
till one day I was on this site and he came in and asked me what i was doing (see he wanted the computer )
I told him that he could have the computer if he would look at something with me cause I needed him to understand what I was going thruoug so we went to pelvic floor
and that was that
when we got out income tax refund check back he spent it on stuff for my castle stay and boutht food that he could cook
and he has been a big help to me he even took off work for 2 weeks so I don't have to do anything he goes back to work Friday night
I will miss him
hugs ladypeewee
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Unread 04-05-2002, 01:12 PM
dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

Thanks to everyone who responded, it really helps. Maybe I really needed to have a good cry. It felt like crap, but I guess it's not a good idea to hold things in. You're all right of course. He's scared. Not just of the surgery, but of not being able to do and say the right things to help me thru this.

I've been feeling guilty about having to put the whole family thru this. I hate to have them worrying, or disrupting their lives because of me. It just doesn't seem right, you know. So I try to put on the tough face and act like it's no big deal. And I think that's what upset my dh most. He didn't think I was taking it seriously. Plus, I really think he's feeling really unsure of himself in terms of how to react to this. Does he try to make me laugh, does he want details, etc.

We've been together 10 yrs and this is the first real 'thing' that we've had to go thu like this. New territory for both us. I guess that makes us pretty lucky.

Thanks to everyone. There really should be a place for men to go. Course, most would just want to read and not have 'share' their own feelings, so it wouldn't be much of a site, would it??

Thanks again,
Unread 04-05-2002, 04:40 PM
So glad to have read these posts!

You all have no idea how you've helped me just now! I thought I was handling this real well, kind of like you Sherry and others.

I've been inching toward this surgery for a long time with my symptoms, and even a few times my DH would say "why not just have everything taken out?" not in a nasty way, but because he was worried. Last year he was super worried about me. I'd bled to anemia--again--I think he was kind of afraid maybe everything wasn't going to work out. BUT he didn't actually SAY that, like a lot of you say men don't always talk about their feelings.

From what I've read here, many, many of us have very loving, caring husbands, who don't always know how to show it or show it in a "typical" manly way--isn't it interesting how this surgery can affect our relationships and maybe even make them better with better communication?

I am so glad we all have Hyster Sisters--aren't you?????
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Unread 04-05-2002, 05:41 PM
dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

Sherry s I'm sorry this happened! I only had a week so everything was on fast-forward for us. I cannot predict what would have happened between us with more time.

I hope it gets better...remember, your mind is very powerful. The sweats is probably from anxiety and nerves as well as stress with your whole situation.

s Sara
Unread 04-05-2002, 07:40 PM
dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

Sherry, They all mean well but can be so clueless. We live about 1/2 mile from the castle. I told my DH I could walk there on the day of my surg because we thought it would be early AM and didn't want to wake our son. DH looked me straight in the eye and said "When it is over are you going to walk home or will you need a ride?" Yeeee Gods!!!!! I still laugh about it every time I think of it. But I am now 2 1/2 wks post op and he has been awesome. Sometimes it just takes a while for them to figure out what is going on. Good luck sweetie.
Unread 04-05-2002, 08:28 PM
dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

Ok this may make you laugh

I am 5+ months post. I was totally obsessed with my surgery pre-op and my dh seemed so oblivious to all the details. I wanted to know EVERYTHING and he just needed to know what he had to do. My feelings would get hurt. I would cry. He would feel bad or sad. it was a mess!

The surgery was great. He was wonderful during my 10 weeks of recovery. Life was normal again.

TONIGHT I heard him talking to his mom. His cousin is having a hyster. He was talking like a pro. He remembered it all. He was giving advice, talking about restrictions post op, wether or not to keep the cervix and on and on. I guess he was really paying closer attention than I thought!

Then he said... "have her go to hystersisters.com. It saved Traci. She needed more information form ladies that had been there before. I could not answer anyof her questions or comfort her about her worries like those ladies did." LOL

My advice..... IT IS OK TO obsess about this HUGE event in your life. It is OK to be excited to get it over with. It is OK to cry and laugh during the same sentence!

Hugs and Peace to you all!

Unread 04-06-2002, 12:04 AM
dh made me cry and now I can't stop..

Hi Everyone,
Even DH 's in U.K. can be the same. I have a wonderful husband BUT he cannot cope with ant kind of illnes.He does not ask me what is to happen, and seems to show no interest on the subject. He only once asked a question, which was -Was the operation life threatening?
He went with me to pick new nighties for the hospital and gave his opinion, but thats the lot,I may talk about it , but we do not.

The other thing is that on the odd occations when I have brought up the subject of rest etc. (Let me point out he has a wicked sence of humour.) He says theres nothing to worry about , I should be able to cook the meals when I get home, and as for getting to and from hospital, he says he will book a taxi, and other quips like that.I have lived with him and his joking for 25 years, but just at the present time with my emotions being up and down and my op being due in just uder 2.5 weeks I am begining to wonder if he means it. I KNOW he does not, but my mind just keeps blowing it out of proportion and so I feel weepy as well.
I do not think that DH's mean to make things worse, they are as worried as we are, but some have great difficulty dealing with it.

Thanks to all the Hyster Sisters on these web pages, because without all of you I do not think I would have been able to cope.
You have provided help and info and someone to talk .


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