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Getting Worried... Getting Worried...

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  #1  
Unread 04-05-2002, 11:23 PM
Getting Worried...

Hi guys! Just thought I would post and let out some tension! I am starting to get really worried as I only have about 15 more days until my castle date. Got upset this afternoon - received a bill from the gyno which lists all the services provided and paid for by the insurance, and the last one was over consultation of ca treatment/options. It just really upset dh and I 'cause for one, I am only 25 and two, she said it was a possibility. I hate that she is being so vague, but I know like she said we won't know for sure until surgery. I have my pre-op appointment on the 18th and will be the 2nd time I have seen this dr face to face! She has been really wonderful and answering all my questions, giving me pain meds, refering and making all my urologist/blood work and sono appointments - I just have to show up. I guess I am just afraid to ask - what exactly do you think other than a possibility and not to worry? That it's all going to be fine? Why is my uterus a 12? Why are there so many varicose veins? Why are my ovaries so swollen and cystic? WHY WHY WHY? What exactly does it mean to be a 12, other than I look pregnant? OK the ovarian cysts are clear, and yes I have been vomiting a lot since fall, but what does it all mean? Sorry, its just that these thoughts keep running through my head. I was originally diagnosed with endo/adeno with hyperplasia back in '96, but now she says there is no evidence of endo, just atypica hyperplasia but her main concern during surgery are those darn varicose veins and the cystic ovaries. That she wasn't expecting to see the severity of those things on the sonogram. I just don't understand everything, and I am too afraid to ask for some reason. Maybe its because I don't want to hear it. I don't know. All I know is not to worry, just a possibility,and that I might bleed out a little more and that they are cutting me vertically. And that darn urologist is giving me a Birch procedure which I keep hearing bad things about. Anyway, sorry so long and thanks for letting me vent. I guess my age is showing through as I am tired of acting "all grown up" with my four beautiful children, wonderful dh and family. I basically live a fairy tale life and then this comes along to rob me of it. I am soo soo scared. My fil even took me and dh out to look at a wonderful house with land and its so beautiful too. And all I can think of is how selfish I am to be worrying about what is going to happen to me. Sorry. Thanks for listening. I love you all.
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  #2  
Unread 04-05-2002, 11:51 PM
Getting Worried...

Carey, of course you are scared . You are so young and facing not only a hyster but the suspicion of cancer.

Never apologize for the way you are feeling . This is you and your pain/fear and it hurts. So you have come to the right place. We have all been there and know what you are going through.

Try to take each day one at a time for the moment. It is hard but try. And each day try to do one little thing for yourself - be selfish it is allowed. Before you know it the surgery date will be here and you will be on the way to healing .

Dont ever forget that we are all here for you,whenever you need us . love always xxx
  #3  
Unread 04-06-2002, 05:09 AM
Robyn is Right!

She said things very well--as usual. This is in some ways THE worst time--not knowing, wondering, what if's. Take each day as a new one, do something special even if it's just a special rose or a treat from the bakery, post here as you need. This trip into the unknown is frightening--but you are being proactive and doing which is far far better than waiting or not having gone at all "because it might be..."
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  #4  
Unread 04-06-2002, 06:14 AM
Getting Worried...

s Carey

Just want to say my thoughts and prayers are with you.
It certainly is a stressful time waiting for surgery and the unknown.
But somehow you will get through it all.
And we are always here offering hugs and support.
Keep busy with those little ones.

karenann
  #5  
Unread 04-06-2002, 07:18 AM
Getting Worried...

Robyn certainly put it best....yes we have all been there. As difficult as it may seem, try not to worry about your diagnosis now. You think you may have ovarian cancer, but you know what, you may NOT. There are a whole bunch of possibiliites of what it could be. Keep busy and one day at a time.
Also, worse case scenario, if it IS cancer. You have probably caught it early, and most cancers are now cureable.
Stay positive and keep in mind that we are all here for you, whenever you need us.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
  #6  
Unread 04-06-2002, 08:01 AM
Getting Worried...

{{Carey}}

Please don't ever feel selfish for anything you may be feeling, its perfectly natural to have these feelings because this IS scary. The fear of the unknown is the worst, far worse than actually knowing what's going on because at least at that point you do know what you're facing and can fight it.

One thing that might help before your next appointment, all the questions that pop into your head, write them down and take the list with you for your consult. It also helps to have someone with you, two sets of ears are better than one, because many things can be missed, particularly if you are upset.

As the gals have suggested, try (although its hard) to take one day at a time and not think too far in advance. I kept really busy in the time leading up to my surgery, it worked well for me but I bury myself in work when upset.

Please know that we are all here for you and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Sending lots of 's!

Vicki
  #7  
Unread 04-06-2002, 08:37 AM
Getting Worried...

Yeah, Robyn's the bomb! Listen to her!


I wanted to add about the burch--a friend of mine had it and she's thrilled with the results. So, it can be ok too.

You know, maybe this surgery is just a passage so that you can keep your fairy tale life! You'll be a princess!

The short term is always dark and confusing, but that's part of the fairy tale too.
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