an update on my cancer head

Well these past few days have been a constant battle in my head

First of all I took my self off to the Dr but as my regular GP was away this week I got to see one of her partners. Told her what I was experiencing and came out clutching not one but two pkts of Zoloft. Well, I can tell you that was the last straw for me. I cried I dont want to take these.

So after more mind games that day and all night and lots of prayers , I woke up very strong feeling that I must go see my radiologist oncologist and do something about all of this.

He is a wonderful, compassionate man and I always feel so confident when I see him ( not like when I see my oncologist )
So he did the internal ( how many is that I have had now ?) and said all is so healthy , hardly any scar tissue and really I dont have to use the dilator everything looks so good ( but I told him I will continue using it as I have a dreadful fear of closing up ) He also said definately no cancer. I came out with a weight lifted off my shoulders. He also recommended a psycotherapist who specializes in "cancer head"

Then I received an email of a lady in Australia who had asked her oncologist if he would see me . He is quite willing to take me on as a patient. He is about an hour away but I would fly to NY to see an oncologist if he was good

Now I feel so calm, the anxiety has gone . So everything is on the up and up.

Praying helps too, i just know in my heart that I am going to be ok but I am sure I will experience cancer head again. But I will get through it

I hope this helps you girls realize that it is ok to be sad sometimes. You have to be able to grieve for what has happened to you. I am one person who holds it together so that the family dont hurt but not now, I really need to cry .

Thanks for all of the support you have given me . love always xxx

Hi Robyn--

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. I just wanted to let you know that I am on antidepressants and am so glad that I am on them. They really do help. Also, I'm seeing a health psychologist to discuss the issues surrounding the cancer and he is also helpful. Keep on hanging on Robyn -- the feelings you are going through are so normal in our situation -- at least, that's why my psychologist keeps telling me. You've been such an inspiration to all of us here and we want you to feel better. I will be praying for you, my friend...

Love always,

Cyndy

Hi Robyn

I am glad to hear you are doing the things you needed to do to feel confident with your treatment. I say try the new onc as well. Zoloft may just give you the pick me up you need to accomplish those tasks.

The term cancer head is new to me. Of course I am very familiar with chemo fog! I wonder when that lets up?

s and s karenann

PS Cyndy: glad to hear you sounding up as well!!!!

Hi Robyn:

I'm so glad things are looking better for you.

It will help me to know that when I get cancer head, it WILL go away!

Thanks for all you do.

karen... cancer head isnt a medical term it is a kaatie term, thats what her dh calls it so we all adopted it here and it really fits .

Sorry you are sad! I wanted to tell you that I just switched from paxil to prozac. I was taking paxil for anxiety after I had my baby last January (her father has still not seen her) But, after the cancer ordeal, my anxiety definately took on a depressive state. My prozac helps SO much I laugh at every thing. I have to almost make myself cry to let it out. When I read you were sad, I cried for you and it felt good. I am a single mom, as you know, and it is the mother instinct to take care of everyone first. You are a caring person and definately deserve some "down" days/ Hope the zoloft helps, and hey- anything that makes you feel better right now- you deserve!!!! I guess if anyone here has read my posts, I am all for the "no pain" route with meds. Why not? It is almost negligent on a doctor's part to withold meds from patients that truly need them. Take care and lots of love and a

I am so glad that you are feeling better. It is hard to deal with those feelings. Plus when you feel like this, it is doubly hard because you know you want to pull out of it, but something keeps you down. I am so glad that the prayers and radiologist visit helped you.

take care - robins

I am so glad you are feeling better, sweetie. With all you give to us, praying for you is the least we can do. I am glad you went to the Dr. and got the clean bill of health. I know that only takes care of the physical and not the mental or emotional, but it's a good base to work from.

Don't resist the antidepressants for so long that you are really in sad shape like I was, Robyn. If a pill is what it takes to make me feel better, then I am going to take a pill. I think of them as vitamins for my heart now. It really is a chemical change in the brain that occurs and it needs to get corrected somehow. Try to look at them as low fat M and M's.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

kaatie

I find it so amazing sometimes how things will happen to you and you can come here and read a post that you can totallytotally relate to! Robyn.... I too have cancer head. And by the way, I love the term, thanks Kaatie. I am lucky and have a WONDERFUL shrink. I also take antidepressants. But I started those before the CIS. This is a lot to take, girlfriend. Be kind to yourself. I am thrilled your doc said things look good and healthy. I got that same news just today. I went in for my scheduled every 3 month biopsies and she saw nothing that needed biopsying!! No pill or shrink can match that feeling. I'm not out of the water yet. I expect I'll keep cancer head for a while. I just want you to know that you have been a source of great comfort to me through all of this. And when you feel low, just remember how many of us love you and appreciate your strength, support, love and your cancer head!!

Debbie :dragon:

Hi Robyn,

Glad you saw your doctor and he's given you a clean bill of health! Wish I could take the "cancer head" away from everyone here...I have not had it yet, but expect I will at some point.

My postop appt is on 5/7, and then I go to every three month visits with pap smears, and I can see where I will get tired of being prodded and poked yet again just like many of you.

But...this group is wonderful...so many warm "fuzzies" from everyone, so here's another for you! I'm a big advocate of a good cry too (something my DH just doesn't understand!)