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Nothing really matters Nothing really matters

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Unread 04-10-2002, 10:57 AM
Nothing really matters

Dear You Matter, Jeandre,

It must be tough to be in your shoes right but believe all of us when we say we are here for you. You are not alone. You have to believe this is the best decision for you and move forward.

Don't go away, we'll come find you....

Love and prayers,
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Unread 04-10-2002, 11:15 AM
Hugs to you!!

Jeandre, please call your dr or a counselor or therapist to let them know what you are feeling. If you go ahead with your hyst, it is important to go into surgery in a positive state of mind. Perhaps they can give you some medication to help your depression. Many women here are taking or have taken an antidepressant to get them through a tough time in their lives. We are here for you, too, and care what happens to you. Please let us know how you are doing. Many s
Unread 04-10-2002, 11:35 AM
You Matter!!!!!!


What you want, and think, and feel does and should matter. It is YOUR body, no one else's. If you're not comfortable with what is happening to it, then stop. Wait until you are sure. Wait until you are comfortable.

Even if you continue with the surgery, your life will not be over, sweetie. You will still be the same valuable person, just missing an organ that was causing you problems. Life has a funny way of moving on. You'll look back someday and realize that everything worked out for the best.

I don't know if you are religious, but one Bible verse that has always helped me in situations where I felt like my life was out of my control is Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

Just rest and know that you are loved and that our prayers and thoughts are with you.

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Unread 04-10-2002, 03:44 PM
Nothing really matters

As my meditation teacher Harvey used to say, "Take it easy. Take it as it comes." You must think positive. You must surround yourself with positive people. You must set positive goals. You must arrange a great vacation (preferably swimming in the Caribbean). You must list all the great things you will now be able to do without pain or bleeding. You must kiss the people you love. You must drink a salute to yourself (preferably with wine). You must smile at the rain and run in the wind. You must hug your pets. You must go on a roller coaster and laugh at it all. I think I understand what you feel a bit. 6 years ago they thought I had breast cancer. I went through 3 attempted surgeries, and finally a new doc got out my suspicious microcalcifications. They were benign! From that day on I changed. Every second of every day I love my life, good and bad. Please e-mail me if you want. I found great comfort in also visiting my local Catholic church to pray when no one else was around. Good luck! You will be okay!
Unread 04-10-2002, 04:31 PM
Everything Matters, Especially You

Gosh...I just came out of surgery 6 days ago. I wish I could hug you. Just a thought for you...when I think about the women who face this surgery with the fear in their heart about cancer.......
I feel my life is so blessed and precious that I have the peace of mind that the surgery has fixed what was broken... and my life ahead will be better, no matter what. So it matters, you matter. Life is precious. Life is a gift. God loves you even when you can't love yourself. And we at this site love you.
Unread 04-10-2002, 07:28 PM
Nothing really matters

Jeandre, I just came in on the tail end of this so I am not really sure as to why you are having a hyst, but I can certainly see from your post that you do not want to.

Honey, if you are at all unsure about this then by all means seek another opinion. Someone else here stated that your condition was not so threatening that you couldn't take a little time. If that is true, then I highly recommend that you seek other medical advice, or at least discuss this further with your current doctor.

While there are more difficult surgeries, this surgery is not a walk in the park even under the best of situations. It takes time to heal and it takes a strong resolve to make it through the not so good days. If you are in a depressed state of mind, it is going to be harder for you to have the strength and resolve you need to make it.

I urge you to realize that everything matters, especially how you feel about all this. While in the end you may find you really do need to have this done, you need to be able to find some sort of peace with it all.

Please, Please talk to someone about how you feel before you go through with this.

I will keep you in my prayers. s
Unread 04-10-2002, 10:40 PM
Nothing really matters


I agree that it's important to go into this surgery feeling certain that you're doing the right thing. If you have doubts, then by all means call your doctor and tell him you want to wait. How you feel abou the surgery going in will have a huge impact on how you feel afterwards.

I know that your posting may have just reflected a down moment. Two nights before my surgery I had a meltdown - screaming at God - "I'm 42, I've never been married, I don't have any kids, why is this happening to ME???" But then I remembered (or perhaps more likely, God reminded me) that I made the decision to have the hysterectomy based on my symptoms and the treatment choices available, and that it was the right decision for me. And that at 42 - nearly 43 - I don't REALLY want to spend the next few years chasing small children and trying to figure out how to pay for college when my friends are planning their retirement. So going into surgery, I was able to focus on the reasons why a hysterectomy would improve my life, and forget about all the "if onlys".

The verse on my calendar for the day of my surgery was "The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you." (Numbers 6:25) May you find the peace you need to make the right decision, and experience all of God's most abundant blessings. The ladies here really do care about you, and you can rest assured that many are praying for you to make the right decision for your life and to find comfort in that.

YOU matter!!!

Unread 04-11-2002, 12:54 AM
Nothing really matters

You do matter. You matter to all of us here and I am sure there are people in your life that you are important to also.

I think the advice you've already been given is right. Take a little time to think it over, and please, please let your doc know how you are feeling.

I had my surgery just five weeks ago, and already I can tell this is one of the best decisions I've made for my health. Was I scared? You bet. But once it was done, I was on the other side of the wall and knowing that gave me great joy. We are all blessed with different things in life. Sometimes one has to look a bit to find them, epsecially when life is hard.

Do you like to read? I have an author I'd love to share with you if you are interested. Stories of women and life and love and God.

I pray that you will be comforted by all the posts here and that you will know that God loves you too.
Unread 04-11-2002, 03:36 AM
Nothing really matters


I know your heart is breaking and you feel as if your soul has died within you. I know of the sleepless nights and the soggy pillows. The hollow meaning of everything which surrounds you is echoing in you're very being. The burden you are carrying seems to be overwhelming and without end. How can the Lord ask so much of me? Are His promises vaccant and without power? Can't he see how much agony I am in? Why doesn't he do something, anything!? Why, Why, why?

Why doesn't my family understand? How can people around me be so cruel? Why does everyone think that this is a trivial matter? Can't they see that it is destroying me? Is this the last straw? Will I break under this burden? I've survived being sued. I've survived the heartbreak of my fiance' abandoning me. I've survived being demoted. I've survived the hordes of insensitive people which surround me? How much more must I survive, how much more will be asked of me? I need a breather, I need someone to blow up the next mountain so I won't have to climb it. I want someone to rescue me from this nightmare.

Jean, I know you are hurting beyond measure right now and you are scared, confused and frustrated. You are going to make it, you will climb this mountain, not because you want to but because you must. You are a very strong woman who has been hurt and scarred by life's trials. I read in a previous post that you are searching for the promised window of the Lord. Jean it's there, its just not a fire escape. Far too often we are looking for a way out instead of an acceptible alternative. I know I have sought out my fair share of escape windows. We want the pain and heartache to disappear as anyone would. I begged and pleaded with God to change the path I was on because I felt that I would collapse under the weight of it all. And do you know what? I did fall, I did collapse, but the Lord was there to catch me and carry me through the most vile parts of the path. He says that he will not give us more than we can handle. Most Christians know this much of the promise, but they miss the second part of the promise, He won't give us more than we can handle, without his help. Our Father never expected any of us to carry even the smallest burden without his help. When times are the darkest, that is when he is cradling us and stroking our hair and whispering in our ear," I love you more than you can understand. I will never abandon you. I will never hurt you. You are my child, whom I created and I will carry you through when your legs are too weary to go on. My precious, precious child I am here and I always will be."

Jean, your surgery is tomorrow so you can expect that this will be a night of darkness for you. This night will be long and fearful for you. Hold onto the fact that Jesus is right there with you, holding you as you weep, you are not alone, you are never alone. The night before my surgery I kept thinking of Jesus in the Garden praying that the Lord would take this cup away from him, for he knew what was coming, pain, humiliation, rejection and death. I thought of this moment in history again and again, it perplexed me but it also gave me comfort and strength to face the night.
You will get through this, you are worth the battle and you life is all the meaning you need, for now. Don't try to solve cosmic questions at this time. Concentrate on getting better and reserving your strength for the mountain in front of you.
Please, feel free to email me or IM me. I will be on again this evening. I will keep you in my most earnest prayers.

Tender hugs and prayers,
Unread 04-11-2002, 04:43 AM
Nothing really matters


I've been on this site longer than anyone else and I'd like to share my two cents here. (Its actually worth lots more with interest over the years )

I've found that the women who do best in their recovery from this surgery, do so after spending *much* time researching, get *many many* "second" opinions, and have exhausted *all* their options and alternatives....

This surgery is final. There are no guarantees. There are no promises of a healthier tomorrow just because a doctor suggests this is the best way to rid yourself of the possibilities of cancer, endo, painful periods, etc.

The women who have the most difficult recoveries *emotionally* are the ones who are told they need a hyst, have it scheduled and have all control removed from them. They feel like they have no choice because a doctor has told them they need this.

Its important to make sure *you* are ready and that *you* have done your homework for yourself. Getting the answers from someone else's page doesn't help you to know for yourself if this is the right thing for *you*.

I put my own surgery off for many years....I knew what I was dealing with, I knew what was ahead....but I waited until I knew I was ready. I did what was necessary for me.

You can do what is necessary for you tomorrow....but only you can make that decision for yourself.

Adult decisions require adult responsibilities. Adult responsibilites mean....we do what is needful, intelligent and wise.....weigh the input from *many* professionals....and decide for yourself. Once the deed is done, there is no second guessing the "what ifs".

I'm praying for restful sleep and wisdom as you face your future with hope.

((( Jeandre )))

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