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Insensitivity! Insensitivity!

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Unread 04-11-2002, 07:14 PM

Why is it anyone who has not had any of our problems can be so insensitve???? One of my co-workers thought that she was being funny when she said," I will be the only whole woman working here", then later that day she asked about the reason I was having my hysterectomy and I told he it was because I had Fibroids and heavy bleeding ans a tipped uterous. She said" well that is not as big of a reason to have a hysterectomy as endometreosis. The pain and every thing is so different, you are not having pain like you would with endo" How the H*** does she know, she has not had any of these problems. What is wrong with people? Any one have similar situations with co workers or friends or family???
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Unread 04-11-2002, 07:47 PM

Fortunately for me I work with women who are mostly older than I am and most of them have already been through the hyst routine. They are wonderful. They are open and frank with me when I ask them questions and seem really concerned. I am so sorry your co workers aren't as "well behaved". They may not be supportive but don't forget your sisters here. They are great also and I have really appreciated have this site to visit with questions, concerns and just whenever I need a little support. Good luck.
Unread 04-11-2002, 07:51 PM
I am so sorry!!!

How positively awful!!! That just erks me to no end!!! What right does she have to say something like that to you!! I have wonderful people at my office. I am one of 3 women dealing with 10 men. The men don't know anything about this, and the girls at the office are absolutley wonderful!!! Every time I've come back from my appointment with my doc recently, I've cried, and Ryan pulls me into the hall so that I can cry on her shoulder!!!

I wish I could be there for you to give you a great big hug, but since I can't, will you do me a favor...wrap your arms around yourself, and squeeze!! That was a hug from me!!!

Hope things get better for you, and next time, tell her to take a long walk off a short pier!!!
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Unread 04-11-2002, 08:18 PM
I wish I had the answer

I am sorry your co-worker was so unfeeling towards you.
I don't know why people are so insensitive, rude and uncaring sometimes. She was obviously wrong about being the only "whole person" left. Apparently she is missing her soul.

You will be whole, perfect and complete after your surgery just as you are now. You're just doing a little remodeling.

For what it is worth I have been reading on the HS site for 3 months now. Posts about insensitive co-worker's, friends, family etc., is not uncommon. Try not to take it too personally. This person is probably hard on everyone, including herself!

Sending you lot's of 's.
Unread 04-11-2002, 08:21 PM

Mate, I would have put her on the spot by asking her outright where she got her medical degree from? Some people are really insensitive, and speak as if they know all. do not waste your time with comments like these. YOUR DR has told you you need one and therefore you do not have to justify the reasons to anyone. Hope all goes well for you, Hugs Vicki
Unread 04-11-2002, 08:27 PM

I'm so sorry she said that to you. I do know how insensitive some people can be. After the birth of my first child, who we almost lost, my sister-in-law brought up for years that I had the easy way out by having a C-section. I tried explaining, yeah, I was numb for the delivery, but the recovery was more tough. Plus, you have to stay in the hospital longer, you have had major surgery, the uterus is contracting back down to it's normal size with an incision in it, etc. Also, I've worked labor and delivery. If it's so easy and safe, then why do drs (most) try to do vaginal deliveries if a section can be avoided, especially since they're paid more for the sections?

Sorry, didn't mean to get off the subject. But what that person said to you just brought back memories of that to me. Anyway, please overlook her ignorance. If her endo is so bad, then why isn't she having a hyst herself?

Unread 04-12-2002, 05:54 AM

So sorry that you had that experience. My coworkers were great about it, but then again, mine was a cancer scare, so they were all concerned about me.
I can't believe you didn't tell her off. I would have said in a very sarcastic manner, "Well, then. Thank you for your input!" Someday she will have a medical problem that will require surgery or some other procedure and will finally understand how rude she was and will feel very ashamed about it.
In the meantime, I think you took it very well and are an exemplary (sp?) princess!

My best wishes to you as you go through this.
Unread 04-12-2002, 09:49 AM

ndavisson s!! I cannot believe that someone would say that. Or maybe I can? I would have smacked her. *LOL* Good thing it wasn't me then, huh?

I'm having a problem with one of my friends. She was really concerned when I told her I was getting a hyster. At the 2 week follow-up I drove myself. The original plan was for her to come with me in case I needed someone to drive me home. It's almost an hour drive. She blew me off. So, I went alone...I did fine though.

Then, she asked me one day on the phone, if I feel empty inside. I didn't know what to make of that question. I just said no, I don't feel any different inside except that I'm not in pain! I call her about once a week, she's never home, I leave a message, she never calls back that day, but a few days later. Never wants to do anything with me anymore. I got tired of asking. Never came to visit me after the surgery, even though she said she was. AND she was a close friend.

I guess I'm really confused and my feelings are hurt that this surgery would freak someone out like that. I told my hubby that I think she is jealous or something. She has practically the same symptoms I did, but won't go to the doc to get an eval as she's chicken. Told me that, so that's in her words.

I'm not going to call her and ask her to be my friend. It hurts tons though. Anyone else have this happen?

Unread 04-12-2002, 10:01 AM

Whole woman huh??
If she keeps up remind her that you will be pain free and not incovieneced by being "whole" again....and wish her luck!!

Some people can just be sooo self centered and dumb!!
Good luck hon...we're here for ya!
Remeber you are the lucky one and will be a rincess:!!!

Unread 04-12-2002, 10:19 AM
Insensitive People

My best friend (a guy) the other night said that he doesn't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this surgery, that it's only a little bit worse than having a tonsillectomy. I told him how about if we cut him open and yank his prostate out and see how minor THAT is. (He turned the most interesting shade of red I've ever seen.)

Then there are the folks who tell me I should get a second opinion. Like they think I don't know what my body needs, like I haven't spent weeks and months researching other options, like I haven't tried so many other treatments that didn't work, like I'm not just sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to get it over with.

On the other hand, I've actually had a lot of support from my co-workers. Most of them are women (professors) and several of them have had the surgery too. So many of them have told me how wonderful and free I'll feel afterwards. They're the ones who really understand because they've walked this road before me.

All I have to say to unsupportive people is... just wait. Your day is coming.



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