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I am so worried.... I am so worried....

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Unread 04-14-2002, 07:29 PM
I am so worried....

I have my TAHBSO on Thurs and I have been going from one extreme to another.....confidence to doom....back and forth....I will have myself so wore out before surgery they will not have to put me to sleep.....I will sleep on my own! I guess I will never be the same since my breast ca diagnosis last Nov. I am not the same person I was before the phone call that there was something very wrong with my mammogram.....I think I have what you have referred to "cancer head" I told my gyn at my pre-op last week that I was afraid of having ovarian ca and he was very compassionate about it....said he understood why I felt that way....but he said other than my endo and adhesions he did not expect to find anything else. He said the pathology report would probably be back in before I leave the hosp. I know from experience it is not over until the path report comes in....so I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.....I lost some sort of innocense of heart when cancer came into my life...so when I am faced with waiting for results ect. I know now that things don't always turn out the way we planned. Most of the time I am on top of this "fear' thing but I think I am running a little on empty in coping skills. I knew you ladies would understand. Please say a prayer for me on Thurs. I will let you know how everthing went when I return a punctured princess! Thanks for letting me ramble.....
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Unread 04-14-2002, 07:39 PM
I am so worried....

Yep, halogirl , you have 'cancer head' at the moment I am sure it doesnt only happen with gyn cancers but with all cancers. Once that treatment is finished like kaatie said , the mind has nothing to occupy itself with except worry. It usually happens before checkups and when waiting for test results.

Alot of women worry that they may have cancer when having a hysterectomy so that fear is perfectly normal.

Things never turn out the way we have planned.... I wish but I am sure there is a plan

I know what you mean by losing innocence of heart. I used to think that because I had so much happen to me when I was younger that I was safe from cancer ...surely it wouldnt happen to me but it did and I am now the person I am because of it.

So you hang in there , it will be hard for the next few days but anytime you need support , please dont forget we are here.

I will be praying hard for you on Thursday xxx love always
Unread 04-14-2002, 07:44 PM
I am so worried....

s Halogirl!!!

You are so right. We are never the same person again after a cancer diagnosis. The world and the way we view things is never the same. Not that this is always a bad thing. Many positive changes as well.
However, it sounds like you have certainly had more than your fair share.
I am sorry to hear you are so stressed heading into this surgery. But please know it is soooo normal. Waiting is the pits.

Please let us know how it goes. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You will have the strength to get through this!!! And I have a feeling things will be just fine this time around.

s karenann
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Unread 04-14-2002, 07:55 PM
I am so worried....

I, too, will be thinking and praying for you on thursday.
If your doctor is confident, I believe you can pretty much feel secure. I don' t think he would put himself out on a limb like that.
We will b standing by, waiting for the report.
Unread 04-14-2002, 08:27 PM
I am so worried....

I just wanted to give you a

I know about cancer head. I just had a bout this week.

But trust your doc. He's done this a lot and the doc's instincts are often very good.

I'll be thinking of you Thursday. You'll do great.

Unread 04-14-2002, 09:15 PM
April 19th surgery jitters

Hi Halogirl,

I know what you are feeling. I had breast cancer diagnosed last
Setpember and now I'm having a hysterectomy because after I took Tamoxifen for four months, there were adverse reactions to my uterus. The fibroid I have is growing rapidly and to avoid any
more cancer concerns, my gyn says I need the hyst.
I think I've replied to your post a couple weeks ago and I have
been thinking about you and hoping everything goes ok on
Thurday. I'm really scared about what will happen when I wake up and I won't be able to take any hormone replacement.
My gyn assured me he will take good care of me as I'm sure your
gyn has promised.
I will be looking forward to reading your post when you feel up to it and we can recuperate together!! I have been given a medical
leave of absence from work til May 31, so we can post all day.
I was crying at church today and one lady said that it was time to
go shopping this week, so that's what we'll do. (She knows how much I like to shop.)
Last, but not least, a big "Thank you" to the hystersisters for the
Princess package I received this week. The book is great and I'll
enjoy tea and cookies when I get home! The shirt is just what I need for comfort. I'm not sure what my husband will think about the crown--hamming it up so much!
Good Luck, Halogirl. My prayers are with you on Thursday!
Unread 04-15-2002, 10:44 AM
Thank-you girls

It really helps to read the replies of each of you....somehow I just don't feel so alone. It is so great to feel such a need to go to hystersisters and see how everyone is doing or to see if someone has responded to you...even though we are very far apart there is a closeness and I thank you for that. I will stay busy and keep my mind under control! lol if that is possible! I am not going to be a LIW for much longer!
Unread 04-15-2002, 02:56 PM
I am so worried....

oh, please don't be so worried.

i fully understand your being scared. we have all

been though this and we are still here!!!

i also know about cancer head, oh, yes i do!!!

you'll be fine.

good thoughts and prayers for you dear.
Unread 04-15-2002, 03:38 PM
Above Posts are Excellent

Cancer head...body betrayal... I know. I agree your doctor wouldn't stick his neck out if he weren't really sure he won't encounter cancer on Thursday. Still, it's a worry. Here's a (((hug)))until I figure out all these neat little figures!
Unread 04-15-2002, 07:38 PM

What do you mean far apart? You are in our hearts forever now and that's pretty close.

Loss of innocence...how true and how nicely worded. That struck a chord with me. I think we can all identify with that feeling and how sad it makes us when we know our bodies betrayed us. And boy, that ride home after I was told and that ride on the gurney into the OR were 2 of the loneliest times of my life.

And I never thought I would get cancer because I was so healthy all my life...a few cysts or minor things, but no big problems. I never even get colds. Guess I saved it all up for one big bang.

And cancer head....yes, guilty. It seems to come in waves, too. I will be ok..then all of a sudden I get fears that are bigger than I am and I have to come here and my 'sisters' get me through the rough patches. Sometimes just reading here helps me.

So Halo...now that you found all your 'sisters', I hope you are feeling a bit less lonely and know that you can count on us to understand and always have a for you, sweetie.



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