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My day is fast approaching and I have problems :( My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

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Unread 04-16-2002, 05:11 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Dear All,

I just want to ask a question here.. when you went in to have your hyster... who went along with you? Or if you havent had it done just yet, who is going along with you? I have 3 kids ages 17,16 and nearly 9. I also have a spouse..... I also have a very concerned 71 yr old mother. My 17 yr old son absolutely INSIST that he is going to the hospital with us Friday morning while I am in surgery, the school is ok with this as long as he has his work done and signed off ahead of time by all of his teachers, which he has (cos he's a good boy!) My hubby is out of town right now in wyoming, but plans on leaving Thursday evening a day ahead of his schedule in order to be home to take me to the hospital. Well... there has been a horrible mix up and I don't realllly think its that big of a deal but evidently my spouse does. I guess he told our oldest there was no reason for him to miss out on school and the other kids stay in school this Friday, he would take them up after school to visit me (mind you i won't feel to up to visitors anyways i suppose) ... but unknown to me.. I didn't realize that my hubby told our son noway stay home and go to school no need to be there waiting. So the oldest son gets all this homework done up, my husband hears about this and gets alllllll upset with ME!!!!! He said there is no reason that our son should be going along he belongs in school. I don't really see the harm as he's already got his work done anyway. My oldest son is very protective of me and has always been a "mama's boy" and he really is extremely concerned. Now I have my husband in a fit saying "well since your mother is going and the son is going do you think i should stay home?? I was wanting to be the loving hubby and sit and hold your hand and now I might have to wait in the hallway as your mom and son hold your hand!" GRRRR!!!!!!!!! I replied" i dont really need this to be happening to me this week i have enough on my mind as is" To which we ended up hanging up on each other. I can't think, I can only cry, I'm running to the restroom with diarrhe I am so worked up over this and meanwhile 17 yr old son says' oh ya he can stay home i am going!!!!!!" Anyone want to give me their point of view? I NEED HELP AND FAST! I feel so horrible... thanks for listening to me ramble...
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Unread 04-16-2002, 05:16 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(


Sounds like you could use a few of these!

Only my hubby went with me to the castle as it is a 45 minute drive. My kids are 13 and 17 and they were in school. Hubby called the school and the older one on the cell phone when I was in recovery. It seemed the best plan as they would have to make up work from that day. I did send in notes to all the teachers telling them that I was having surgery a few days before hand. That way they could look for changes in their behavior...hubby had a list of all my friends and our families phone numbers. He was busy, but I had 3 hours in recovery that he needed to fill up with something!

I would strongly suggest that everyone sits down, calmly and is told by your hubby that only he will be taking you to the castle. It shouldn't be a circus that gets YOU upset. If it's upsetting you so much before the surgery, what about after?

If he does it, they will listen.

Please let me know what happens!

Unread 04-16-2002, 05:21 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

My husband and 17 year old son took me to the hospital. It shouldn't cause a problem and the decision should be yours. Since all of our parents are gone, having my family with me was reassuring.
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Unread 04-16-2002, 05:30 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Hi Sophie! Sounds like you have lots of people who want to come support you! That's great. Sometimes I read these posts from women who have no one and its very depressing to think they have to go through this all alone. I know where you are coming from with everyone wanting to be there. I also have a 17 year old and she asked me what I wanted her to do the day of my surgery. The best thing was for her to go to school. She came to see me later that afternoon. My surgery was early in the morning and it was after 2:00 before I got my room assigned! (Good thing I was in the zone, because I hate to wait)! My mother, mother in law and sister in law all were there. My mother doesnt work and my in laws were out of school (teachers) for the summer so they basically came to keep my husband company.. (He hates to wait too)! The truth of the matter is, once you get back to your room, you basically are in the zone until later in the evening. I gave all my family the go ahead to leave if they wanted to. I told my husband not to worry about spending the night. The recliner chair is uncomfortable and as far as Im concerned, the nurses are getting paid for taking care of me... I would call them if I needed anything. He needed to save his energy for when I came home! Its sweet that your kids (esp. sons) want to be there for you. Men totally freak out when we are out of commission. I think they are so used to us being in control, that when we arent, they dont know what to do. You can tell your kids that really the best thing is for them to stay in school and come see you later in the afternoon or that evening. Try not to stress out about it too much. If they insist on coming, remind them to bring something to do because it's alot of waiting and you wont be up to talking until later that night.
Good luck to you and your family! Im sure they will take good care of you. They sound like a great bunch!
Unread 04-16-2002, 05:49 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Hi Sophie,
I am so sorry for your troubles. Sounds like you have a family that loves you very much though. I suspect maybe your 17 year old might be from a previous marriage and well- maybe theres some competition going on there. I have children from a prior marriage, so I am imaginining this happening to me, but mine are grown and married now- Anyway, enough about ME- Let's talk about YOU!
I think you should do what is best for YOU! You are the only one that should be considered right now. The hospital however, may have their own opinion, and at the very least, if you prefer everyone to stay home until visiting hours except for your husband, you may use the excuse that the HOSPITAL prefers only ONE person accompany you to the hospital. Tell them all that you love tham all, but want to follow the rules, and that you would love to have them come visit you during visiting hours.
Well I wish you all the very best. Please keep in touch.
Unread 04-16-2002, 06:02 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Hi Sophie,

The decision IS YOURS! I know that I want my husband to be there...the rest of the family can visit later or the next day.
Unread 04-16-2002, 06:09 PM
Hi Sophie....

From the quote at your signature line, I can tell you are very much in love with your husband. I agree with the others. As soon as you get your thoughts in order, talk with your husband. It sounds as though it will have to be a phone conversation which is tough, but you can't help it.

You first need to decide how you really do want this to go. I can't tell from your post just how you feel about everyone being there--you just tell us what your family wants.

I also understand the other ladies saying that it's your preferences that must come first. However, I would like to say this--maybe your 17-almost-adult-son needs to be there. It might be part of his "mama's boy" personality, but it also could be because he's trying to grow up, too. I know you must consider your wishes, but I can see your husband and son doing some good "guy" stuff, hanging out together as they are at the hospital. Of course, on the other hand, if your husband does feel "pushed out" of the picture if others are there, you know his feelings are extremely important. After all, after the kids are grown and gone, it will just be the two of you again. And maybe your husband needs to be needed.

I know as I've grown up, my parents (but mostly Mom) have had hospital stays, some serious, and I just always felt it was my "duty" to be there. "Duty" not in a bad way, either. Just providing and receiving moral support from others, etc., etc.

I know in my case, my husband will take me. I'm not even telling my 77 year old Mom until the day before because I don't want to worry her. She's really not feeble or anything, but I just can't see her being able to do all the sitting she'd need to do and I don't think my husband would be real crazy about taking a break and taking her back home (45-60 min. drive). As for my adult children, they haven't really said anything. But if they ask, I'm going to tell them that I would like them to be there.

I know this is long, but your post just really spoke to me. I guess partly because my "adult" children are only 23 and not much older than your son.

I so much wish you the best. Take a deep breath. Say a prayer for guidance. Let us know how things go for you.

{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} Take care!!!!!!!
Unread 04-16-2002, 06:22 PM
Whats up with our DH

Hi Sophie,
I'm also entering the castle for surgury on Friday, and my dh is having a tough time coping with decisions about how to handle the kids, two daughters, his from his previous marriage. The kids should understand that this is not going to be a pleasent experience for anyone, especially the princess in waiting! My oldest stepdaughter who is almost 14 wants to go to a dance, my husband doesn't want to disappoint her...eeeks! The dance is Friday night, which means my dh would have to leave the hospital in the late afternoon to get her there. The younger daughter is easy going but can't understand that this isn't a simple procedure and I'll be back on my feet the next day!
I really think what's important is for our family to work out their own issues and leave us out of it! We have enough on our minds, and having to make decisions to please everyone else is a mother's responsibility most of the time, but not this time! If my dh choice is to leave the hospital and take his daughter to the dance, it's going to leave a lot of bad feelings with me. I wish I had your problem with too many family members wanting to be there! (ps, don't feel sorry for me, my mom who is a nurse will be by my side the whole time )

Best wishes!

Unread 04-16-2002, 06:30 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Wow, this is a tough one! If your 17 year old son wants to be there, I think it is important that he is; however you need to explain to him that you will be "out of it" for awhile, and he will be left with your dh for most of the day. If he still wants to be there and school work is covered, it must be important for him; and yes, while we need to concentrate on ourselves at this time, we still have to consider all those involved. Would he settle for going to school and getting a phone call to keep him up on your progress and then coming to see you after school? I know that my dd came to see me too early in the afternoon and I couldn't remember her being there! She was really offended! But part of this gets back to your ds's needs. I hope that you can find a solution that will put everyone at ease, you certainly do not need to be referring any conflict at this point.

Unread 04-16-2002, 06:37 PM
My day is fast approaching and I have problems :(

Dear Nancy,

My thoughts are with is what I think...

Your mom is a nurse...maybe she could talk to your daughters and explain the surgery and that recovery is slow

Maybe the older one will change her mind about the dance...not likely though, at that age they only think of themselves and missing the dance would be the "end of the world" for her

Sounds like your husband wants to be in two places at the same time...if your surgery is in the morning, he could be there for you until he has to take your daughter to the will probably be out of it anyway! But if your surgery is later in the day I would want him to be there.
Is there someone else who could take your daughter to the dance?
The "call" is yours...if you really need him there, then he should be there and your daughter will have to "get over it", she may be mad for a time, but "oh well"'s not the end of the world.
Anyway that is what I think...Good luck to YOU!

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