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Unread 04-18-2002, 05:40 PM
I wanna Cry

Amy, Amy, Amy,

She's not people...she is your sister. Sometimes family members feel they can say anything and don't have to be polite. After she is a nurse for 12 months....she probably won't give any advice to anyone!

Have your way with her after your surgery and recovery. You know you need and want this surgery and that is all that counts.
Don't let her take your energy now. Let this go.

You know the e-mail she sent? Click on DELETE.

My best to you,
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Unread 04-18-2002, 07:24 PM

Please don't let your sister get you down. I am having TAH BSO in two weeks. I am 31 years old with three wonderful children. I have been having heavy painful periods since forever. My mother-in-law who is generally a real sweetie had been very negative about my surgery, telling me I'm too young, etc. She also wants me and DH to have more kids (we don't want more and DH had vasectomy 3+years ago0she knows this but says he could get it reversed!). We don't want to have more children so I take what she says as a compliment to my children (she doesn't want her other daughters-in-law to have more kids than they do now!). But the other day I was joking with her that Kotex stock was going to drop after I have my surgery and when I told her that use about 200 maix pads a month she shut up pretty quickly with her protests about the surgery. She said she didn't think she used that many in her entire life. her periods were always 3-5 days and light, except for one time she had a problem with her period being heavy, had a D&C and never had another problem. I think she now finally realises that everyone is different and she has been much more supportive and even defending my decision to a sister-in-law and her mother who thought I shouldn't be doing this. So hang in there. Eventually everyone comes around or gets over you not listening to their "expert" advice. Either way just look out for yourself right now. You and your dr are the best experts on your situation.
Unread 04-18-2002, 10:04 PM
I wanna Cry

Awww Amy, here is a big for you!

I don't know why it is that other people think they have a right to be buttinskies when it comes to such personal decisions, but sure enough, they do. Maybe when you have calmed down a bit you can just let your sister know that her comments hurt you, that you have more than enough on your mind already, and that if she can't support you she should just say nothing at all. That might open up a dialogue, but I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her in general.

In my case, I suffered for years and years AND YEARS with too many symptoms and problems to list here. Nobody even knew how sick I really was till I ended up out on disability from work, and then shortly thereafter in the ER in need of an emergency blood transfusion because of uncontrollable hemorhhaging!! Well that sure woke up a few naysayers. However....my so-called 'best friend', who has such light periods that she only ever has to use those junior size tampons, STILL doesn't get how serious the situation was - to this very day!! After not speaking to her for a couple of months (and never even informing her of when my surgery was, hey like I needed to have someone like that around during that time), she finally called and tried to apologize. But she still just doesn't get it. Oh well, guess this is just a subject we won't discuss.

I have to honestly say that the only people who have really given me the support and understanding I needed were a couple of ladies I know who had already had the surgery, my doctors, and everyone at this wonderful site. Some people have done their best to be sympathetic, but only those who know the 'real deal' about the problems that led me to have surgery were really there for me in every way.

I hope you and your sis can work things out, but if not you always have us.

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Unread 04-19-2002, 04:49 AM
I wanna Cry


I'm sorry your sister was like that to you. Amazing how people know what's best for us, even if they haven't been in our shoes huh?

I have a very strained relationship with my hubby's sister. I talk to her on email once a year seems like and even less than that on the phone. Imagine my shock when she called me to tell me that she is sorry I have to go through all of this. And my shock when she didn't call to see how I was. I had my hubby call people on the list when I was in recovery, she was on there. No contact since the surgery. It's been 7 weeks. Nothing. No email, no phone calls. I guess her "caring attitude" was to make her feel like she did the right thing. Glad she can sleep at night, but a follow-up email or phone call would have been nice. Especially since she was on the phone with me for over an hour before surgery.

Everyone handles things differently. I think that if you want to keep your personal life to yourself, that's your right.

I'm glad you are counting down the days, I know I was! It's something extremely personal to have this surgery. It sounds like you did the right thing getting a 2nd opinion. It's her, girl, not you.

Unread 04-19-2002, 06:06 AM

You know, sometimes family members can be so strange. I have a sister who is so mean to me sometimes. Says the meanest most unsupportive things. A few years back she was upset at me for something really stupid, I looked at her and asked her what the real problem was. She broke down crying, said she had had a bad day. Didn't know why she said such mean things sometimes.

Now when she says rude, insensitive things I just write it off as she is using her anger to cope with some other issue, not with me. Maybe your sister is afraid that she may have to have surgery too. You never know what else could have contributed to her rudeness. Maybe she is just plain scared for you and wants to voice it in that way.

I say, don't take it personally, don't let it affect your decision, and know that she is your sister and not a superhuman who makes no mistakes. Do your thing.

My brother told me an expression once and I think it fits here. Act like a duck and let it roll off your back.
Unread 04-19-2002, 09:20 AM
I wanna Cry

Hi Amy,
emailing can be the greatest thing but people tend to write things they normally would not say or after reading it can get a whole different meaning.....
you might feel a whole lot better calling her and giving her a piece of your mind and clear the air.
Unread 04-19-2002, 07:54 PM
I wanna Cry

Hi Amy,

I know exactly where you are coming from. I got somewhat of the same grief from my own mother. In my opinion, my mother (who's a huge hypochondriac) was just jealous because I had something that was real and substantial wrong with me.

Anyway, it really does hurt when you don't get the support you need from your family. I've found more support and love from friends, and have come to accept that you can't make your family into something they aren't.

I did end up blasting my mother pretty hard (I think a lot of years of hurt came out), and can say that it's really not worth the heart ache. Yeah, I got it off my chest, but now my mother won't speak to me. *sigh*

Something that someone else said here was a good thought... your sister might just be reacting out of fear of the unknown for you. However... it is true that nursing students get a little bit "over zealous" in their new found learnings...

Take some time to cool off... surround yourself with friends who will give you tons of support (like the hyster-sisters here) and don't look back.

Blessed be,

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