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Should I Tell My Mother? Should I Tell My Mother?

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  #21  
Unread 04-19-2002, 10:52 AM
Should I Tell My Mother?

CM3--Hello.

Yes, I suppose I could give her another chance. I'm not sure I want to though. When I first brought it up, there was only a chance of needing surgery. Now that it's a certainty, I feel differently about just about everything. Sometimes.

She handles things different all the time. When my dad was in the hospital, she never went to see him, and treated him poorly when he got home for quite a while. One of my brothers has been in the hospital 3 times for hip replacements. She didn't go see him, either, and I'm not sure if she even called him. Another brother, her "favorite," cut his foot and she was right there. Another was in an accident and she went to see him once. I heard it was a struggle to get her there. When people die, unless it is a close relative, we tell her "they moved to Florida." She can't handle news about death or serious illness. And, the poor woman is still hoping I might get pregnant!

I'm kind of thinking about not making it a point to tell her, but if she asks me what's new or going on, maybe I'll tell her then. Don't have to worry about her calling, that happens once or twice a year. If I want to talk to her, I have to do the calling, unless she needs a ride somewhere (she doesn't drive--and we can all thank God for that!).

I'm glad to hear your surgery was good for you. I think all of us facing us need to hear experiences like yours over and over and over again.

Thanks for responding.

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  #22  
Unread 04-19-2002, 04:35 PM
nice of you

Bonnie,

How nice of you to reply with such a loving response to all of us...you made me cry. I'm just so proud these days to be a woman, and it is because of this site!

With unpleasant thoughts behind us and looking forward to your recovery...may I suggest a book for quiet times? It is written by John Grisham, the title is," A Painted House". It is $4.79 through Amazon.Com (books). Delivered to your home within 2 days! It is a great book about a young boy. Much better reading than the subject of

Best Wishes

Maralyn
  #23  
Unread 04-19-2002, 07:24 PM
Should I Tell My Mother?

Hello
I told my mom before my sugery and I wished now that I had not
I am not close with my mother
I have 3 brothers and I am her only girl
every time she has had surgery I have been there for her I have taken care of her house did all the cooking and did all the shoping washed all the clothes took care of my neice and 2 nephews that my mom had custody of and took care of my little brother pluse take care of my 3 daughters my house and my husband
long story
any time my mom has anything wrong she calls me and I come running no matter what it is
my first surgery first time I have ever needed my mom and she is not there
my mom is just 59 and very active she still has my one nephew age 15 living with her and my step dad
my mom came to the hospital the day of my surgery just long enough to let me know that she was there and I just barely do remember her being there at the hospital
I am now 4 weeks post op and she does not call me or come by to see me I have to call her
my brothers too I have not talk to them in about a year now I guess
the brother I took care of when he was little he comes to see me alot
so now I just wish I had not told my mom then I would not be wating to hear from her or wanting her to come see me but oh one day I will let her know that she hurts my feelings

and let her know that I am not going to take it anymore
I will let her know that the next time she wants her bathroom redone she can get one of the boys to do it cause I am too busy
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  #24  
Unread 04-21-2002, 09:35 AM
Should I Tell My Mother?

Maralyn, sorry I made you cry, but I know what you mean. Sometimes when I tell DH about this site, I can barely get the words out because I'm choking up. Thanks for tip on Grisham's "A Painted House." I already read it, and you're right, it's a wonderful book. If you want some reading on the lighter side, which is what I'm looking for these days, I could suggest Janet Evanovich's series. The first is "One for the Money," and the rest of the series has its number in the title. They're laugh-out-loud books. (Hope it doesn't hurt to read them post-op!) My DH listened to me read them, and he started reading them and is almost through the series himself. There are 7 books, with number 8 coming out soon. Sounds like you're growing weary of reading, too. I almost feel like I could pass some sort of medical test and be a doctor myself! I couldn't stand the sight of blood, though, so I'll leave that to the experts.
Thanks again!

  #25  
Unread 04-21-2002, 09:46 AM
Should I Tell My Mother?

Dear Lady PeeWee, or should I say Princess PeeWee? Thank you for your response. If I could, I'd come help you myself! You sound like such a caring person who is very much unappreciated. I guess just because someone is a parent, it doesn't mean they're a good one. My sister-in-law saw my mother stick her nose up at me in public once, and she started to cry. Her words to me were:"She's just one person, an important one, but just one. There's a lot of people who do love you, so don't let it get to you." There's a lot of people who love you, too. Focus on them. I know it hurts, and is easier said than done, because everyone deserves a loving mother, we just don't all get them. We never seem to stop hoping, though, do we?

You keep on being the wonderful person you are, and shed your light on those more appreciative for it.



  #26  
Unread 04-21-2002, 09:52 AM
telling your mom

I am glad I told my mother. She is 77 years old and no matter how many differences we have, I am still in her eyes her baby girl. She would have been crushed if I hadn't told her. In fact I told everyone in the family before her. I knew her opinion would be to get a second opinion or try some other drug. But in the end she has been wonderful and supportive. When the doctors found my bowel obstruction and told her how lucky I was to have been having the hysterectomy,my mom was so happy that I had my surgery.

As for your mom, I think you should tell her before surgery. It's like putting the ball in her court. Let her decide what she wants to do about it. Then in your mind you know you did the right thing. Later down the road she can't rub it in your face that you didn't let her in on this. This could be what brings her around to being closer with you. I know I would be crushed if my daughter didn't tell me, and if we didn't get along I'd be so angry I'd never get over her not telling me. Good luck with your surgery and your decision. xxoo Paula
  #27  
Unread 04-21-2002, 10:17 AM
Should I Tell My Mother?

Hi Bonnie

Thanks for the idea of the Evanovich's series. I'll order right away. At this time in my life, I have the luxury of quite time that I use for reading.

Yesterday, was a hard day for me, receiving the news about our sister Wild Praire (Sue). The outcome of her surgery was bad news and it knocked me off my computer chair. After a few hours of tears, I found myself angry at the air... Women are put at such risks because we have these bodies that are made to reproduce. It does not seem fair and I want the medical society to hurry up and get a handle on these diseases.

I was sad and mad all day. Not being able to sleep, I ended up reading late last night just to replace my thoughts with something else. Wish my Sheltie was still alive...pets are such a comfort, but for now I will read and really enjoy a laugh out loud book!
Best of luck with your surgery...you said once that you were such a weenie chicken...I think not.
Keep us up to date with regards to your surgery and your family.
Thanks again,

Maralyn
  #28  
Unread 04-21-2002, 10:31 AM
What I Wish

I can only tell you what I know from my experience . . .

I lost my mom a couple of years ago - as I look back now - I wish that I had done more myself to try and be closer with her. I too worried about how she would react to things and I kept things from her, even when I wanted someone to share with. We had an on again / off again relationship - and now, I undestand that a lot of what drove her to do some of the things she did was fear, frustration, depression, etc. - the very same things I also struggle with.

If I could, I would do things with her a little differently and I would try to always keep the perspective that she was doing the best she knew how with the resources she had available.

She was there for me for most of my other surgeries - at those times she and I were always able to put whatever difficulties we were having behind us - and those times were actually some of our best (even though I was at my worst). I only wish she could be here for this upcoming surgery. As sweet as my DH and DD are, they simply can't relate the way my mom could have.

Best of luck to you and your family - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers
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