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Telling kids? Telling kids?

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Unread 04-18-2002, 06:16 PM
Telling kids?

I am having surgery in two and a half weeks and I am not sure if I should tell my kids what the surgery is. My youngest is tree so I don't have to explain it to him, but I also have a ten year old son and an eight and half year old daughter. They know that mommy's tummy has been hurting really bad for a while and when I had my D&C I told them the dr was trying to find out what was making my tummy hurt. They know that I am having surgery soon but I haven't told them what the surgery is. My kids just think that I'm having my appendix out (which I am as well) but I wonder if should explain it to them. I don't want to scare them (especially I don't want to freak out my daughter) but I don't want it to seem as though there is something shameful about the surgery which is how I'm afraid it will seem to the kids if everyone is talking in hushed tones and wispering about mom's surgery. Any thoughts?
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Unread 04-18-2002, 06:49 PM
Hi Kathy

That is a tough one to advise on, but I think I would not tell them. I'd try to make light of it and show a lot of happiness and optimism that they are going to fix your tummy, but you will need a lot of help from them in the coming weeks. Later on when they understand might be a better time to explain, especially your daughter.

Best of luck!
Unread 04-18-2002, 07:25 PM
this is what I did

Recently my nephew, niece and sister had their tonsils out. My 8 year old son knew they had surgery and felt pretty awful afterward. So I told him Mommy has some parts in her tummy that make her feel bad a few times a month. Just like strep does to him. And that just like tonsils they need to come out to make Mommy better. He is completely comfortable with that. I found this is way better than when I tried to have the lap and D and C and not tell. Him overheard me say surgery and stitches to his older sister (17) and was very upset. He even knows I wont be able to play like I usually do and will need to rest. I have him planning to read to me alot. I said I love that, so he is excited to have a part in my getting better.

Hope this helps

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Unread 04-18-2002, 07:59 PM
Telling Kids

My kids are 4 and 7 and I told them that mommy is having surgery to fix her tummy. That satisfied my 4 year old but my son had his adenoids out last year and is worried about me. He got sick after and is worried mommy will be sick. They will be staying with my mother in law for a couple of days so we have tried to prepare them for that change in their routine.( I'm a stay at home mom so I take them to school etc.) I think telling them all the details would overwhelm and scare them, but that's just how I feel about my kids. And they are kinda young. I also told them that in a little bit mommy will feel all better and will be able to play with them more than I have been lately.
Hope this helps! Good Luck!


TAH 4/30/02 for endo, fibroids and possible adeno
Unread 04-18-2002, 08:45 PM
Telling kids?

Hi Kathy! I think the answer to this question depends a lot on your kids' personalities and maturity levels, and you are the one best equipped to judge that. In my case, I have two boys, ages 12 and 8-1/2. I am a single mom, and was having to arrange for them to go stay with their dad for a little while, so at first I told them sort of general information but in response to their questions they ended up knowing pretty much everything. (In fact they were fascinated when I came home with a foley...wanted to see how it worked when I emptied it). Just now I asked my 8-1/2 year old, who is sitting next to me doing homework ("are you on hyster sisters again, mom?"), what he thought about telling your kids about the surgery. He said that he thinks you should tell them that you are having surgery, what parts are being removed and/or "fixed", and that it will help you feel much better after a while. Then you could answer questions if they ask for more information. So, there you have an opinion from a kid who's been through it (I am about 10 weeks post op now). Hope that helps!
- Linda
Unread 04-18-2002, 08:47 PM
Telling kids?

P.S. Kathy - I forgot to mention that at the age of your two older ones, kids tend to listen very closely to everything their parents are talking about, even when the parents don't think the kids are listening, and it would be better for you to have told yours about the surgery than for them to overhear someone else talking about it!
Unread 04-18-2002, 09:00 PM
Telling my Kids

Hi there... I struggled with the same thing.. I have almost 12, almost 10 and 5 1/2 year old girls. I wasn't planning on telling them until right before the surgery so that they wouldn't worry.

So much for that.. they have ears like an eagle has eyes!! I was up at 5 in the morning (not sleeping of course) and my oldest came out in the living room and said why are you having surgery... I almost died!! I said how did you know.. she said, "I heard things" Wow.. so I explained to her about how "common" the surgery is and since she already has had "the talk" with me, I could explain a lot more of what is "wrong" so it didn't seem to scary to her. And she is fine with it..

Next my middle one.. of course the 2 older ones talk.. so I had to talk to her.. now that I have brought it out in the open.. they are ok with it. They are ready to help me.. they have their lists of things to do for mommy that has both chores and fun stuff like fluffing pillows, getting drinks and such.

I just found I am a lot more relaxed being able to talk about it and plan it in the open. But it comes down the how your kids are.

Good luck honey.


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