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explaining to friends explaining to friends

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Unread 05-06-2002, 09:03 AM
explaining to friends

Everyone reacts differently to things.............

Here's how I look at people's opions, decisions, way of life, etc.

I don't have to agree with it - but I do have to respect it. As long as the person I care about is doing no harm to themselves or others - then I should support their decision & NEVER judge.

I'm so terribly sorry your friend is not supporting you at a time when you really do need her support! She should not be doubting your decision on this major issue. She should trust that, with the help of your doctors, you have made the best decision for YOU & YOU alone.

If you must, tell her that this topic is 'off-limits' & keep it that way. As disappointing as that may be - you have lotsa 'sisters' here who can help fill in that gap.

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Unread 05-06-2002, 10:18 AM
explaining to friends

Andee, it's hard dealing with people who don't understand. You didn't mention your reasons for wanting the hyst, but if your friend knows about them and the effect they've had on your life, you could say, "I really need my life to be free of these things. It's a quality of life issue."

You can also explain to her that while you appreciate that she is trying to be helpful by safeguarding your future as a mother of a large family, what you really need from her is to understand that you have given this a lot of thought, and frankly, you don't particularly want major surgery but you need it. You've thought about all the ramifications, you are a competent adult, and you know what you're doing.

I got enough negative responses when I told my friends about my upcoming surgery that I finally told them point-blank that I didn't want to hear horror stories or reasons I shouldn't, that what I really needed was support.

Your friend isn't you. She hasn't experienced the same things and doesn't want exactly the same things.

And another thing -- I wouldn't say this to her, but it's the people who are loudest about the virtues of something (like having a large family) who generally have the most doubts about it. Sometimes we try to talk other people into the things we aren't 100% sure of ourselves.

Good luck.

Unread 05-06-2002, 11:22 AM
explaining to friends

Hi Andee, every women I know has a opinion abou this. And so many of them are just misinformed. I had some very good friends tell me not to do it. Some told me to go to a a doctor in the city because they are better than the doctors around my hometown. One friend actually told me that doctors push hysts on us because it is a big money making business. Oh I could go on and on. In the begining I listen and it made me nuts from the "You should try homeopathic thrapy for a year then see how you feel" to the "Your nevr going to be the same again".

I found out that if at the start of them spewing off their mouth I said, "I trust my doctors completely and utterly. They know me, they have been caring for me for sometime now and I am sure and confident in their assessment. I feel good about my decision.", they would shut up. Then I change the subject real quickly, real obviously. They get the message very quickly.

Truth of the matter is no matter what they have read or heard they do not know your medical history, they have not been inside your body and seen what is to be seen. You trust yourself to know what is good for you. Some times people are reacting to their own fears.

Hang in there and take good care. LIZ
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Unread 05-06-2002, 11:37 AM
explaining to friends

I agree with Liz (& everyone else too!)

When I started telling my more local friends (for several weeks just my life-long friend & my husband were 'my circle') - I was sure to to state that I did NOT need nor want 'I have a friend, who's Mom's maid's niece's porcupine's.......All I needed & wanted was their understanding. I was open to opinions & questions - but requested they read the same websites that I had already read (I made sure everyone had the list of sites) - also told them what my diagnosis was.

Seemed I didn't have any problems (except with my Dad-in-law~~ I just LOVED having my hyst lumped in with my Mom-in-law's & Grandma-in-law's experiences of about 20+ years ago & getting estrogen advice......he quit when I told him one day he was NOT helping & neither of them were in their 30's with the risk of ovarian cancer hanging over them.....)

I have received nothing but support, prayers & love from all who know about my hyster plans. & many of my friends have learned much about themselves & their bodies...some are going in for Paps, pelvics & sonograms - my experience woke many of them up from a 3-4 year or longer lapse.

Your friend may actually be transposing her own fears on to you. She's probably not even aware of doing it.

Like I said before -we're here. We may not fill it all the way, but I know we'll all sure do our best to fill that gap your best friend is currently leaving for you.

Come lean on us.

Unread 05-09-2002, 08:25 PM

THanks for all of the wisdom. I am one week post op now and feeling wonderful. The friend that I was concerned about has really showed her true colors of the course of the week....

Thanks again for the wonderful support and advice.


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