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  #1  
Unread 04-22-2002, 06:55 AM
so upset

I just need to vent or whatever it is I need to do.
My dh and I got into a huge fight last night.
I am so tired of these back aches from the prolapse--but I continue with my everyday life. Cleaning , cooking doing everything and yes even try to have sex--but hurts from the prolapse.
Well last night my dh told me is is tired of me complaining about being in pain! How can someone that loves you say that?
He knows what I am going through--his mother had the same thing.
He has not gone to any doc appt. with me or asked any questions--just knows what I have told him.
Friday is our 16th wedding ann.--I do not want to spent the last few weeks before sugery
I am a basket case--can not sleep, eat have a TERRIBLE headache that wont go away!
Any advize on how we can get this sorted out?
He did say he was sorry and that he is scared for me ----but why the mean words---dont get it?:confuse:
Thank you ladies for listening !
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  #2  
Unread 04-22-2002, 07:18 AM
so upset

{{{{{{{Denise}}}}}} Maybe have your hubby read some of the posts here and let him see that other ladies are in pain too. He might realize that you are not alone in complaining. Men don't get it sometimes but sometimes they are just scared and don't know how to express it. Make him go to the doctor with you and have the doctor explain your situation to him. He can ask questions and then maybe try and understand what you are going through. I wish you luck with your surgery and may you have a very Happy Anniversary. I really believe your DH loves you, but he just can't handle that you are in so much pain. Just tell him it will get better, I promise. Take care.......



Emily s
  #3  
Unread 04-22-2002, 07:27 AM
Men are from Mars

Denise,

I'm so sorry, just when you need him the most, and he's pulling away.

A friend highly recommended the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' to me a few years ago. I bought it and must admit I never read it cover to cover, the basic premise is that men and women are very different.

If men can't 'fix' a problem, they don't want to admit there is a problem. They don't value 'talking it out,' if no solution is going to come of it.

I am the first to admit not all men are alike, but I honestly believe this theory is underlying in many men. My male boss talks to me and sympathizes with my concerns, but I think it's because he is not personally involved. His wife tells me he is a 'typical man' when it comes to not being able to handle her crying, walking out fo the room if it means opening up emotionally, etc.

You have been married for 16 years, so certainly you can think of some of the reasons you have stayed married to him. Surely he feels helpless with you in such discomfort. I think taking him to the doctor's might open his eyes also, and maybe he would feel like he was helping, if he was at least supportive of your problems and the upcoming surgery. Is there a friendly nurse at the office who can put a 'bug' the doctor's ear, as to what hubby needs to hear?

My prayers to you and your hubby. Happy Anniversary, too.

Nancy
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  #4  
Unread 04-22-2002, 07:54 AM
so upset

Dear Denise,
Your dh sounds much like mine. Unfortunately I think men deal with things differently then women. Men get very cranky when they are stressed and don't like to talk about their feelings. I know there are some men out there that do these things but I know mine doesn't. They way I deal with it is try to tell him how his words affect you and that you understand he is scared but maybe you are too. Have him look over some posts if he is willing and if not then try to fill up on support from your sisters and you will have the strength to get through it. I found that the understanding I get here carries over at home where there isn't much. I hope things get a little better so the wait doesn't seem so long. The waiting is the worst I think! I am inbetween surgeries. I have to wait till Oct till my hyst some days that feels like an eternity. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck!
  #5  
Unread 04-22-2002, 08:03 AM
so upset

Denise s to you!!

I'm sorry he's being this way, maybe it's because some guys don't vocalize their pain as well? I bet he's scared and wants you to tell HIM it will be okay! My hubby and I have been married just a few years longer than y'all and he keeps everything inside unless I pull teeth to get it out!

That was a good suggestion that Emily had, why not have him read the pull-down menus? I had hubby do that, hit home for him I think that way. You can find them here: https://www.hystersisters.com There's a lot of questions going through his mind I'm sure!

Happy Anniversary, hopefully! I'm sure everything will just work out fine. Here's thinking good thoughts for y'all!

Sara
  #6  
Unread 04-22-2002, 08:03 AM
so upset

Thank you all !
Its means alot to hear the much needed support of my sisters!Again thank you for you thoughts and prayers.
I know it will get better!
  #7  
Unread 04-22-2002, 08:42 AM
Hang in there!

Dear Denise,

My surgery for retro prolapsed degree 2 is today. They are going to do a tvh.
The waiting has been really tough.
I think having your husband read information on this site is a great idea.
Sometimes when my husband and I are fighting it helps us to look at the big picture--look at the outcome we both want. We almost always want the same thing or close to it--but MAN! do we go about expressing it differently or we go at the solution in different ways. But when we talk about what we both want to see happen and then SUPPORT one another in working in that direction it is amazing!
I am really sorry he said some mean words. That *****.
I hope the words don't hang around too long with you. I know under stress people can do or say the stupidest and meanest things.
Take care,
Ingrid
  #8  
Unread 04-22-2002, 08:55 AM
so upset

Denise,
I just wanted to let you know that I am having a TVH the day before you for prolapse also. I know what you mean by the back ache!!! I had no idea why I have had lower back pain for years until I was told of the uterine prolapse! Now I don't think I'm nuts!
I also have pain with sex. It's hard to even have sex anymore. I feel so bad for my DH! I do send you HUGS for what you and your husband are going through. It sounds as though he is dealing with this differently than you are. I know my husband always tells me he's sorry that I am hurting, especially during sex. But then, he's always bugging me for sex!! Men and their sex drive!!!! Hopefully, after this is all over with for us, we can enjoy sex again.
Good luck with your surgery and many prayers are sent your way!
Beth
  #9  
Unread 04-22-2002, 09:07 AM
so upset

Beth,
You are right men and sex!
You know at first when all this started --pain during sex we argued so much about it. I began to think maybe I was crazy or just did not want it anymore. But prior to that our sex life was AWESOME
I know he cares and he is scared----he never lets anyone know his feelings.Sometimes I wonder if it is due to not having sex like we use to thats why he is lashing out that way??? I am going to have him go on the site tonight after work and read some post with me --hopefully it will show him I am not alone.
I will be thinking about you ---wow our days are 1 apart!
Good luck to you and thank you!
Also looking forward to having fun again--we are planning a romantic weekend st the end of July to celebrate !!!!
Here's no more back aches
  #10  
Unread 04-22-2002, 10:03 AM
so upset

I think men need to feel useful to the women they love. Otherwise they feel helpless and overwhelmed, and they *hate* feeling that way.

I make a point of telling my dh that it really really helps me to vent and gripe. I usually feel better after a griping session, and I tell him that. That way he can see the contribution he's making to my mental health.

Good luck --

Melissa
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