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Informing Spouse.. Informing Spouse..

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Unread 04-25-2002, 11:32 AM
Informing Spouse..

Hi, I am up for a LAVH on 5/9. I have 3 appointments before that time and so I have 2 weeks to get more nervous and upset than I already am. right now the problem is DH acts like he doesn't want me to talk about this at all. He changes the subject. He makes comments about things I can do while I am at home on my mini vacation. what?! I let him read a pamphlet I received that spelled out rest after the surgery. I don't know what to think of this. He is normally a very caring guy. Worst yet, I have 5 male bosses and they are planning my return in 5 days. What is up with this? I don't want to make more trouble for myself by doing to much too soon. I understand there is less healing time with an LAVH than TAH. Most everything I read is on TAH recovery. I am just frustrated.. sorry. Just feeling so alone with this.

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Unread 04-25-2002, 11:38 AM
Informing Spouse..

Hi Andi,

Your bosses need to know that the recovery time after a hyster is 6-8 weeks. You will not be back to work until the doctor releases you for that.

I'm sorry your hubby is being like that, I guess this isn't his normal self, which is common from what I have been reading. I think maybe he's in denial of the fact you will be laid up healing for that period of time. Why not sit down with him and have him read the pull-down menus found on the main page? That's a good source of information and he may just be lacking in that or afraid to ask questions or show you that he's afraid.

Good luck and email is always on!

Unread 04-25-2002, 11:51 AM
Husbands . . . can't live with them . . .


My biggest concern about my surgery has always been the long recovery time. My doctor was very optimistic, telling me the best case scenario, but warning me it's major surgery and may take a while to get back 100%.

My husband also makes comments about how great I'll feel, and the things I can do while I'm off work. I finally figured it out, though: he is trying to stay positive for me. He knows I am not comfortable with laying around for weeks on end, so he is telling me I will feel like going out, doing things, etc. He keeps saying a hysterectomy can't keep me down. Sometimes it makes me mad, because I think he doesn't understand how much I will be going through, but when I really listen, I hear him saying that he hopes I will be feeling well enough to want to do things.

Certainly he can't be as scared of this as I am, but he is scared in his own way.

I'm hoping he can read me well enough post-op to see what I am really capable of, and not make me feel bad if I'm not able to live up to our hopes of a quick recovery.

My prayers for you and your dh that you can come to an understanding. It's so hard for men to show their true feelings. The poor dears need us so much.

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Unread 04-25-2002, 11:59 AM
Lay down the rules

I sat down with my family and my boss and said.. these are the rules set in place and what I have to abide by if I am to be better. I made sure it didn't sound optional. I also offered to hire a maid for my husband and 3 kids and he said.. great!

It is hard especially if you feel guilty ( I do sometimes and don't know why) to tell people that they HAVE to do stuff for you and that they HAVE to be patient... but it isn't you just being lazy.. it is you being good.
Unread 04-25-2002, 01:10 PM
Informing Spouse..

Hi, Ladies,

If your husbands are having a tough time understanding that a hysterectomy is major surgery, I'd suggest taking that DH with you to one of your doctor's appointments. Ask your doctor to "lay down the law." Sometimes hearing the same information from an authority figure will help make the information sink in.

Best wishes,
Unread 04-25-2002, 01:23 PM

I believe what the sisters are telling you about your husband is true, he is scared and is trying to make light of it so as you not to be so scared.

As for your bosses, I guess the doctor will have to sign some sort of note informing them that they don't have any idea what they are talking about. If they need you so bad, do what I did. I told my boss I would be out for quite some time and I would like to have a temp come in before I leave to train her to do my job as best as she can until I could return. That way, things are kept up somewhat and they could manage without you. It's a thought.
Unread 04-25-2002, 01:28 PM
Informing Spouse..

It is good to remember that a hyst is a hyst no matter what the approach taken by the surgeon. You still have basicallty the same internal cutting and stitching going on . With LAVH you don't have the same incision issues, but that is most of the difference.

I have read here of some women with TAH bouncing back quicker than I did!

Everyone is different. Listen to your body and try not to generalize too much.

Your dh may be having a hard time facing this. I know mine worried that I might die and so, tried to avoid discussion, which made me feel like he did not care. I suggest you try to find a time when you can sit him down and talk frankly with him. Tell him how much you need his support, discuss all those issues that are on your mind and clear the air. Some women have let their husbands read some of the hysterectomy stories on the pull down menus.

I hope some of this will help. Let us know how it goes.

P.S. Your bosses need a note from the Dr.( and a clue! ) Don't be pressured into going back too soon. Prepare them for the maximum time you expect it to take before you will be back. Shortening it would be lots easier than staying out longer than they are counting on. Then don't "visit" work. You will *look * better than you *feel* for weeks.
Unread 04-26-2002, 07:50 AM

I just joined a few days ago and this is my first time to post, I am just trying to read as many posts as I can. Check with your human resources department, this should be covered under FMLA(family medical leave act). Your doctor will have to fill out the forms for it and it will protect you and your job.
Unread 04-26-2002, 08:28 AM
Informing Spouse..

Hi. I just want to stress that the recovery is really a 6-8 week period. I couldn't walk or stand alot until my 4th week, I couldn't drive until my 3rd week. I began to feel better by the end of the 4th week but still tired easily and got sore by the end of the day if I did too much and "too much" really doesn't consist of a lot of normal activites. Just making breakfast was enough to put me off my feet for a while. Once the 5th week rolled around I was much better but was still being cautious. I couldn't imagine having to go back to work any sooner than the 6th week, I would not have been able to make it through a day.

Sweetie, this was no mini-vacation and I was lucky to have been able to at least take a shower the first few weeks let alone do anything for the house or family. You will require rest, rest and more rest for quite some time. It is a good idea to take your DH to one of your appts so that he hears your doc's advice for himself. I was lucky my DH understood eventhough he wasn't happy about doing my job.

I know things will work out for you!

Unread 04-26-2002, 08:36 AM
Informing Spouse..

JoAnn, see how different we are? I was fine after 11 days to drive and walk and do nothing else but rest and watch movies. I had to really restrain myself from doing anything! I drove myself to the 2 week post-op and that weekend to the grocery store. I had to ask them to bag the groceries LIGHT and I did have people take them out to the car for me. It took me about an hour to unload the car and put everything away. The next time hubby came with me, but that was because he wanted to help. I did fold laundry if someone else did it. And I did plug my laptop in sit in the recliner and do some graphics and web stuff on it. I still have yet to vaccum or lift anything up heavier than 5 pounds.

You are so right about everyone being different, from pre-op to the post-op, not one person will be exactly the same as the next.

I'm glad I didn't push myself to do more, I would not have healed as quickly or as well as I did, I'm sure.


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