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Unread 04-26-2002, 11:23 AM

It has been awhile since I last visited this wonderful site. I am in need of your reassuring support and comforting kind words. I am going to try and not make my story so long. Here goes!
I am 40yrs old, 1 DH, 2 children 5yrs and 3yrs. Tubes tied.
Small fibroid, heavy bleeding, periods messed up, simple hyperplasia(precancerous), no BCP get serve migraines put on provera(hate it, now is not working-periods messed up again), PMS like a deranged lunatic, tilted uterus, cervix is not easy to get to so tools need to open and hold me in place for biopsy(Uncomfortable and Painful cried the whole time), awaiting 2nd biopsy results(1 week), Gyn(female) of 20yrs has retired-so I have a new Gyn(male) same office so am comfortable there at least. He has advised me to have a LAVH since I am through having children and am 40yrs and will have at least another 10 to 12 years of period problems. I have thought about getting other opinions but am not wanting to go if they are all going to say the same thing. I do not want to go through the pain of the biopsy either. Money and time are at an all time low in the household right now and I have just started a PT night job. How can I have this surgery done? How can I not have it done? I also spoke to my Family DR and told her what the GYN said and she advised me to go ahead and have it done.
I am scared and I am feeling selfish and guilty. Somehow I feel like I should be suffering and dying or at least almost dying before I can say ok take it out. How does one give the go ahead to do this to themselves and then everyone else must take care of me. I know that I will have to have this done but how do I make my heart and head agree.
And to think this is what I call short. lol
I have other illnesses also. I have Severe Depression and asthma. I have started taking new medications for these now.
Thank you in advance to you all for listening and responding. Any help is welcome.
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Unread 04-26-2002, 11:30 AM
Hugs to you


How can you justify not taking care of yourself? Someone very wisely posted to think for a minute: "If you could snap your fingers and be 30 days post-op, would you have the surgery?" I think most of us would answer 'yes.'

It doesn't sound like your situation is going to get better on it's own. It won't be easy, having surgery never is, is it? But if you read all the encouraging posts from women who are post-op, it's got to be better that what you are suffering now.

When I first joined, I felt like a baby, so many women have it so much worse than I do, but then I tried to be objective and asked myself if I could improve my quality of life with the surgery. And the answer was yes.

It is a major decision about a major surgery, but if a doctor you trust has recommended it, as well as your family doctor, and you feel it's necessary, what more do you need?

We're all behind you here. Read everything, then ask specific questions. It's amazing the support you get here.

Unread 04-26-2002, 11:37 AM

I'm sorry you are having such a struggle with this decision, but actually, I think it's completely normal. First of all, hugs to you and hang in there. How does your DH feel about this? I think that from what you are saying, it sounds like this must be done, it's a matter of you possibly feeling guilty for being out of commission for a while?(am I right?). This problem might be solved with real careful planning, setting up family and friends to pick up the slack post op, possibly having meals(simple) frozen and ready to go in the oven, etc. You have to put your health first as you sound kind of like me, in that you put your family first, then you. But without you functioning well, were will they really be in the long run? Better to do the medically necessary and have some downtime than to wait to long and have further problems. It is a VERY hard decision that only you can make, just don't cheat your health because of any guilty feelings. Do what's right for you as it is ultimately right for all of you. Hang in there hon! Tickles
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Unread 04-26-2002, 11:48 AM

Dear Ann,

First, a big ! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now! Hopefully you will be able to answer your own question. What does your heart say? Your head and heart must agree, but I have found 100% of the time, my heart is always right!

If I were to tell you that I have a tilted uterus (and I do), fibroids (have those, too), heavy, painful periods, migraines, deranged PMS, etc., and still have a good 10-15 years of periods to live thru, what would your advice to me be? Surgery and a few weeks of recovery seem like a better alternative to spending a dozen or so years going thru what you are now. There is never a good time for surgery, emergencies, etc.

Think of what is good and best for YOU! Getting other opinions is never a bad idea. My personal philosophy about that tho, is this, and I know a lot of people may disagree, so my disclaimer is this is my PERSONAL philosophy: If I feel the doctor made the proper diagnosis, and let's face it, we women are intuitive, then I stick with that. If, for example, I've been having a fever and sore throat, and a doctor suggests I may have an ulcer, then I'm getting another opinion.

You KNOW you have a problematic uterus, and unless you think it is likely that it will get better on its own, do you really feel like you need another opinion? I'm not a Dr, and I know next to nothing about a lot of things, but I just don't think there is a drug out there that will change what you have. Maybe there is, I don't know, but I'm sure a Dr would have prescribed one by now.

How long do you want to suffer? How is prolonging this helping you? You deserve good things to happen to you, and it's hard to enjoy life when you're miserable.

Please find someone you're comfortable with to talk to about this. I wish only the best for you.

Unread 04-26-2002, 11:54 AM

Thank you both for responding so quickly.
My DH is very supportive. I told him about recovery time and he said he could take vacation time off for me. My Mother said she will be here for me also. I do feel like a big baby. What do I tell my kids? I am not sure how to go about making the plans for this also. Or even what plans I do need to make?
I am trying to tell myself that I will weigh less after this surgery as an incentive to go ahead and just do it. HAHA
Unread 04-26-2002, 12:01 PM
We are here for you!!


I know exactly how you feel!! I'm 33, and have been tryong to arrange my surgery around everyone else's schedules so that they could come to help (per their request that they want to help). Well, my body has decided to be uncooperative, and now they are all trying to accomodate me! I'm learning that is what family is all about!! Regarding your children, again, I can relate to that! I have 4, 6 and 9 year olds in my house! My two eldest know that mommy has ben having some problems, but that soon the doctor will help to make it all better! The 4 y/o is another story!! Big mama's girl! Love's to have "hugs up", which equates to pick me up and hold me! She will be the hardest! You don't need to give them too much info, just let them know that mom will be better soon, it will just take her awhile to be up and around again!

Let your family take care of you, it obvious they want to!!!
Unread 04-26-2002, 06:12 PM

Ann, I can certainly understand how you feel! I tore my minicus in my right knee in April of 2001, put off having the surgery until October 2001 and took longer to recover because I damaged it more, by waiting. Then the week I was supposed to go back to work, had to go into the hospital for emergency appendectomy! My DH was great through all of this and I felt guilty about him having to take off work. Fast forward to 2002 I had been having heavy, periods with painful cramping for years, thought I was just destined to have bad periods. Dr. found out I was anemic during a routine physical and sent me to OBGYN - she did a pelviv exam and found my uterus felt not quite right. She perfomed a D&C, a lap and a hysterscopy on 3/20/02 and found I had endo, and enlarged/tilted uterus. I was off work another week after this and hubby had took off work to help me for a couple of days. Pap also showed some dysplasa(third time this has happened) The Dr. wanted me to go on lupron shots for 6 months, but after the first shot I had horrible side effects (almost passed out) chest pains, migranes and horrible night sweats. On top of that I started spotting a week after the shot - then period came and it was one of the worst ones I had ever had! I was in bed for 2 days! I went to another Dr. and he recommended a hsyt and sent me to yet another Dr. for consultation. They ended up calling the first OBGYN and they decided that since I was 46, and was serverly anemic they recommended a hyst. I felt bad at first because it would mean more time off of work and my DH would have to take care of me once again - But he was very supportive and said he would do anything to help get me back to my old self again! Come to find out he was just as tired as I was of my horrible battle with Aunt Flo(period). So don't feel bad, this place is a wonderful wealth of information and reading stories and talking to all of these wonderful women has helped me tremendously. Sorry so long, but I wanted to share my story with you in hopes that it will help! God Bless!

Endo/anemia/enlarged,tilted uterus/heavy bleeding
TAH/BSO 5-8-02
Unread 04-26-2002, 07:46 PM

Hello Ann,

I have to agree with the others, it sounds like your quality of life will improve if you go ahead and have this surgery.

In a way, you did get a second opinion from your Family Dr. Also, I noticed that you indicated your Family Dr. is female. From what I have read, and seen. Female Drs. do not take suggesting a hysterectomy very lightly. That is my opinion, based on books, mag articles, web-sites. I just notice that more Female Drs. seem to be more in favor of alternatives.

Also, I was very depressed before my Laporascopy/D&C in February. After I had that procedure, I noticed that I was very content, and nothing in my surroundings has changed. (Even my heavy bleeding has continued, which is why I am having the TAH done). In other words, I have read that problems with our organs can cause depression. Without knowing further about your depression, I can only assume that that can also get better.

Please Take Care and God Bless You!!!

Unread 04-28-2002, 08:45 AM

It is so very hard to reach out and ask for help. I will be forever grateful for everyone who has gone before me and shared their wisdom here on this wonderful website of women. Thank you for your care and concern and loving words of encouragement. I know that I am not alone and this is very comforting. I also know that I can ask any question and it will be answered. I do not have to be afraid to be thought weird or stupid. I wish all of life were like this site. All warm and fuzzy. I wish that Dr's would tune into this site to see what their clients feel. Best wishes to all.

Unread 04-28-2002, 02:03 PM
Hi Ann

I know the fear that you are going through. I'm a single woman with three grown children. I too struggled with the decision to go through with this surgery. Not only the fear of the unknown, the fear of pain, the fear of not doing the right thing, but also the fear of financial difficulties, as I am my only source of income and I'll have to be off from work for six weeks, in addition to having to care for myself, since I really have no one else to depend on.

Not long ago, I read a wonderful little book called "Who Moved My Cheese." The one thing that I remembered more than anything was a quote which said, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" That simple statement helped me to analyze exactly what I would do if the fear weren't holding me back, and showed me that I needed to take care of the problems in my body if I want any type of quality to my life. I can't afford to let fear run my life and prevent me from doing what needs to be done.

s to you. We're here for you.


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