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No big deal(yeah right!) No big deal(yeah right!)

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Unread 04-28-2002, 09:10 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

I have just about had it! Why do people think that this surgery is no big deal??? It is a huge deal to me and I just wish someone would validate my feelings!!! What is it with people? If they're trying to help keep me from worrying, it's not helping. I'd rather have them agree that it is a big deal so I don't feel like I'm freaking out for nothing. Anyone want to shed some light on this? Why do people not think of it as major surgery? I always considerd having my abdomen cut open and having my organs pulled out major surgery, but whatever!
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Unread 04-28-2002, 09:18 AM
I Agree

I agree that people tend to take this a little lightly (family and friends)and I also tend to think that having organs removed is a big deal!! I have two days until surgery and I am a basket case. Everyone thinks I am blowing things way out of proportion. I don't think so. I am scared and nervous and sad and happy all at once. My mom thinks I will be able to take care of my 7 and 4 year old at one week post-op. I told her I won't even be able to drive them to school by then! AHH! It always feels better to vent. I also wanted to thank all the wonderful ladies on this web site. It has been a life and sanity saver many times during my wait!

TaraLee TAH 4/30/02 for endo, fibroids and possible endo
Unread 04-28-2002, 09:24 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

People play it down because they are thinking...... "its done all the time, medically its a breeze".......... they are not taking into account the fears and emotions that go along with it.
And lets face it, some people are just do not have the ability to be empathic.
I am a very empathic type person, and I still did not know just how emotional this is, until I am faced with it.

It is a huge deal......... and I am here to validate to you ..... just how brave you are for even CONSIDERING it, let along doing it!

I go tomorrow, and I have all the fears running amoke etc. BUT I do know from past experiences.......... when I face my biggest fear, I come out the other side with such an enpowered feeling......... like the title of the book I am reading says....... "Face the fear and do it anyways".
The fear goes away by facing it ...... if you wait for the fear to go away first before taking action....... it will not happen.

Sorry to get off the main topic.. lol

You will get all the validation you need right here! Who cares if it doesnt come from the people we would love it to come from. YOU know, and WE all know, this is huge...... so come to the source... we all can relate.
xo DonnaFay
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Unread 04-28-2002, 09:28 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

There was a thread not too long ago about this, I hunted for it and couldn't find it. It wasn't a long thread, but it was a good one.

Sometimes people don't know what to say and they end up saying the wrong thing. Sometimes they don't know what to say because they haven't been in the situation. Maybe you should educate them on what actually goes on. I had to do that with 2 of my friends. Even my MIL who had a hyster 30 years ago was amazed at the infomation I had gotten from this site.

Why not go to the pull-down menus on the main page and print some information up. When someone says it's really not a big deal, hand them one to read, so they get educated.

Unread 04-28-2002, 09:30 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

taralee and donnafay, thanks for validating my feelings. I knew I'd get support here I want to say, good luck to both of you on your surgeries tomorrow and the next day. Make sure and check in when you get back home! I still have almost 2 months, but I've been waiting for 3 1/2 months already, so I feel like I'm getting to the home stretch
Unread 04-28-2002, 09:35 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

Gadget girl, that's a great idea. I had to do that with a friend of mine several months back. She said to me "oh just have the surgery. You're not having anymore kids!" I thought that was very insensitive because I had struggled with the idea of never having another child. I then had to explain to her that that really wasn't the tough part of deciding. I didn't want my ovaries removed, because I didn't want to go into menopause at the age of 30. She had absolutely no idea that that's what happens when you get your ovaries removed. After that she was more sensitive to my feelings.
Unread 04-28-2002, 09:38 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

I found one of them:

I can relate to the sensitivity thing. I had a friend not only ask me if I "feel empty inside now" but dropped me after my surgery. She was a good friend as well.

I will try and find the other threads later on today that deal with this. They are good to read.

Unread 04-28-2002, 09:38 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

Hi Pasdechat!
I am validating your feelings right now!!!! I am going through absolute hell right now in my personal life. That very thing happened to me this morning when I called a friend!!!! Thought I would reach out because I'm feeling so alone with this and she sounded like an expert on this subject, but hasn't been through it.
Help, I need some support. I'm crying one minute and laughing the next! It's a very big deal to me.
Sending s,
Sandy(LAVH with anterior repair for prolapse, May 13)
Unread 04-28-2002, 09:53 AM
Here's another

And yet another thread on insensitivity

Unread 04-28-2002, 10:05 AM
No big deal(yeah right!)

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with unsupportive family members. I was begining to think that I really had a disfunctional family. My mom and dad don't even acknowledge the fact that something is wrong with me. If they call and I mention how I am feeling, (nervous, scared, in pain) they just change the subject or start talking about their own aches and pains. Thankfully my dh is so supportive. I don't know what I'd do without him. So my suggestion is to ignore unsympathetic people who have NO IDEA what they are talking about, and lean on the people you know truly care.

Good Luck and God Bless


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