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angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?! angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

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Unread 05-07-2002, 01:58 AM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Hi Susan,

I'm without my own children but have plenty of kids on loan when I want them. I am that auntie every mother dreams of having, one who offers to take the kids on holidays and really wants to have them. I don't have a strong longing for my own kids, and now it looks like that decision is no longer mine anyway, but it isn't the end of the world. I think of myself as an angel to frazzled mothers, and a friend with a really listening ear for all my borrowed children. Everyone benefits and there's not enough, never enough special aunties for all the frazzled mothers in this world.

I never wanted one of my own badly enough Susan, and I still don't. I just love handing them back, and heading on out for dinner when I feel like it. Good luck with your decision and strength to beleive you are doing what's right for you.
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Unread 05-07-2002, 07:24 AM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Oh Sapphire- what a wonderful perspective! You sound like a great auntie and this was great experience for you to share with Susan! Take care Susan! Everything will work out!
Unread 05-07-2002, 07:35 AM
Thank you!

Sapphire, I think your perspective is one I share as well. I guess the good in this scenario is that it has made my DH and I think about what we truly want as far as family completion, as we were both quite on the fence when we married. The hard part will be to talk all of that through and get to the bottom of our feelings. We will be married 4 years in September - a very "young" marriage. This is stressful on it! At least it is stressing me out! Lord only knows what men truly think about

I guess the reason that it is so easy for me to listen to my gut and get the hysterectomy at this early stage of AIS rather than wait and try to get pregnant and then have a hysterectomy - is becuase I guess I never really have had the urge to have children - I have thought about it a couple of times, but never very seriously - the thought always seems distant to me. I have never felt like I had the maternal thing. DH says "look at how much you love Snickers (our Collie) you care for him so well, how can you say you aren't maternal?" - but to me there is a huge difference! I too enjoy seeing children and being around other people's children, but not ever in my 29 years have been interested in having my own.....

Maybe my therapist can help me sort out everything and make some sense of the junk and chatter in my "cancer head"

Thank you for your support!! Sorry for the blah blah blah....


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Unread 05-07-2002, 11:45 AM
Life deals different cards

It starts from childhood and goes into adult you never know what hand you are going to receive. Sometimes it a no win situation. Children are a wonderful thing,but if they are not wanted it could be a bad situation. I have walked the shoes of having cancer in my body and I do not wish that upon anybody in life. Its a walking fear even after the doctor tells you its gone. I had my hysterectomy 1 year ago luckily they took out the cancer in my first surgery prior to the Hyster. I had a mammogram done the very first thing that came to mind when they said I had to be retested is Its back the fear is aweful. I was retested yeserday and I was told to go home and live a full life. Thats is sure easier said than done.

You do not have to give birth to be a mother. A mother is love. Any child needs love. When you are ready that door is always open to you. Look into it and make a pro and con list go to a calming place (mine is by the water) the right decision will come.

God Bless
Unread 05-07-2002, 12:26 PM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Thank you so much. It's wonderful to hear th experiences and views of others.

Unread 05-08-2002, 07:57 PM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Hey Susan,

Had to crack a laugh when you wrote about your love for the dog. Years ago when family were putting the pressure on to have kids, and they'd come out with the worn theory of dogs being child substitutes, I really thought hard about a comeback for that. I decided that there's a heck of a lot of bad animal owners in this world too, most of them with kids, so here it is....
Maybe kids are a dog substitute. For those who can't handle the utter intricacies of communicating with a being who ALWAYS wants to cuddle you no matter what you feed them, ALWAYS encourages you to excercise with unbridled joy, and ALWAYS greets you at the door like they haven't seen you in months. My dogs are all my husband and I have ever needed, and they are plenty of responsibility for us.
(No offence intended for all the wondereful mothers out there - this is just for use on those who project their own expectations on me)
Anyway, looks to me like you're sorting this one out OK - you'll be amazed what a marriage can survive!

CIN3, Loop excision, waiting for path results
Unread 05-08-2002, 10:15 PM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

swooz asked for everyone's opinion, and she sure did get it.
Unread 05-09-2002, 03:43 PM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Sorry beachgirl, absolutely no intention to offend
Unread 05-09-2002, 04:04 PM
Sapphire's comments and more...

I enjoyed your comments. Dogs, and children for that matter, can be so honest it's hard to not look their way....

Had a rough nite with DH last night about everything. My feelings are tremendously hurt by his - OK Pshycology term here - passive aggressive behavior.

I finally told him my absolute thoughts on having the hysterectomy because it is the right thing for me to do, and let's just say, all I heard about was his dissapointment. He doesn't see the risks that I do in all of this.

Only time will tell what I can heal from mentally, I'm no longer worried about the healing physically


PS Oh but don't you worry, after all of that he let me know he'll support my decision - Can we say tact?

PPS OK I'm very mad right now....please understand that, now I'm mad about cancer and him..... grrrrr
Unread 05-11-2002, 12:55 AM
angry, depressed, mad, confused....HELP?!?!

Hi Susan , well it sounds like you are certainly sifting through all the advice and support that has been given here , thats great and eventually you will come to the decision that is right for YOU.

I think it takes time to heal both mentally and physically. The physical healing is probably quicker , the mental may take awhile. But they say time is a healer .................

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