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A bit scared..need some support A bit scared..need some support

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  #1  
Unread 05-02-2002, 10:14 PM
A bit scared..need some support

Hi,
I am 4 months post op TAH (emergent surgey) for a ruptured ovarian tumor. I was told it was borderline malignant and the odds were very good. I am to be follwed up with CA125 blood levels every 3 months.
Well, it is time for the blood test and I have now successfully postponed getting it done for 2 weeks. I have had every reason in the world not to go..things like I had to go to the store, or I had a meeting. I know I am just avoiding it because I am scared.
I am having bowel problems and I am afraid this is becasue something else is wrong. I know I should go, but I can't seem to get up the courage. I don't really have anyone to talk to, I am divorced, single mom. I have many good friends, but I have had a tough recovery and feel like I am burdening them with my never-ending issues.
I know this might sound silly to some of you, particularly those who are dealing with ever so much more serious problems than mine. I guess I just need to vent and see if others are feeling the same way.
I have never backed down from a challenge or adversity before, and yet, this time, it feels like the surgery took so much out of me that i just can't do anything else.
Can anyone relate or offer some advice?
Thanks for listening,
TJ
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  #2  
Unread 05-02-2002, 10:48 PM
A bit scared..need some support

Hi TJ...

I don't have the problem that you do...haven't even had my hyst yet! But, thought I would give you my opinion...
I can understand how you are feeling and why...I would be the same...but won't it drive you nuts NOT going and having the test? You would be thinking about it all the time and wondering what is happening! I think you SHOULD go and have it done!
  #3  
Unread 05-02-2002, 10:53 PM
Hi TJ

Welcome and I am sorry you are feeling so alone and scared. Yes, alot of us feel that way. Sometimes we know why and sometimes that is just the way it is. The term here is Cancer Head it just sneaks up on you and grabs you whenever it is time for a check up. I haven't had my first one, but I guess I know what to expect. You can send me a support post when it is my turn okay?

Please make your appointment and get in right away. I would offer to come and take you but you would have to wait to long for me to get there from California. And you have waited long enough.

I think sometimes we think we are being a burden to others when the truth is we probably are not. For many of us,myself included, it is so much easier to help others than to ask for help ourselves. That is one of the things I am trying to get better at.

Do you have a support group affiliated with your church or through your hospital? Perhaps they have a volunteer team that can assist people with appointments. Perhaps you have a friend or neighbor that wasn't available to help you during your surgery or recovery that would be happy to be there for you now.

And you know you are never alone. We are all here for you and we do care. So go have that appointment and let us know how it goes okay?

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  #4  
Unread 05-03-2002, 04:14 AM
A bit scared..need some support

Hi there TJ, so glad that you posted . We all get scared from time to time, so I know how you are feeling right now. But you said that the odds were very good . Each time I get a pain or lump I immediately think the worse. Your bowel problems are probably innocent and not related at all to the cancer. Please make the appt. to have your blood test done, then once its done you can stop the worrying.

You are still healing emotionally and physically from the hysterectomy so that is why you think you cant do anything else. Try to take some time out to just "BE" , to renew the batteries. You will realize you are much stronger than you think.

Please remember we are here always for you. You never have to be alone . love and hugs coming your way
  #5  
Unread 05-03-2002, 06:16 AM
A bit scared..need some support

Hi TJ

I'm a newbie borderline too. You've just gotta get up the courage to get your follow-up done. We'll be right beside you in the doctors office and sending our prayers as you wait for the results.

I get crazy with every new symptom too, but getting the tests done is the only way to get peace. Come back for more s after you make that appointment
  #6  
Unread 05-03-2002, 07:58 AM
I Get Scared Too

It is normal to be scared--here we are, getting one of THE two BIG tests (CT scan the other) and what if... I look at it this way--I'll accept the fear because I'm actively doing something about the followup to the cancer...the fear won't make it come back or go away...I'll know, and knowledge is powerful. I'm very alone in this and that's frightening as well. It's not silly at all--you're normal. Here's a little something I do that works for me--I get the test and get something a little special (there's the best florist in the City near the hospital and their roses are unreal!) and something bigger special (a few more roses or maybe this time in June it'll be the Charlie Brown cookie jar I see at a bakery I stop at) for good news. Acknowledge your fear--go for the test, get the results, and come back with what I'm very sure will be good news.
  #7  
Unread 05-03-2002, 05:12 PM
A bit scared..need some support

Please go. As long as you go, you are in control, not the cancer. I will send my 2 ovarian angels to be with you when you go!
  #8  
Unread 05-05-2002, 08:52 PM
Your appointment

Go- and go now! Call tomorrow.

Especially if you think something else may be wrong. If there is, then catching these things sooner, than later, is always better.

But more often than not our suspicious fears turn out to be nothing after the Dr. does tests etc. So go, first to be sure if there is something to catch it early, and secondly, to relieve your mind. You are forcing yourself to worry even longer.

I had a TAH BSO for cancer. I am single and alone and nothing about this has been easy. It is scarey. But Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and go anyway. The surgery makes us think differently than before, so ignore your feelings of immobilization and go forward, realizing its chemical imbalance from the surgery. If you don't care for yourself, who will? Call tomorrow. Take care! My thoughts are with you; we are all with you; we have all been through these scarey, indecisive procraastinating stages at some point. I'd put hearts and hugs here, but don't know how to make those appear!!
  #9  
Unread 05-06-2002, 05:52 AM
A bit scared..need some support

{{TJ}}

I agree wholeheartedly with what the rest of the gals have said here. While it IS scary, at the same time, it IS necessary! Follow ups and checkups can be stressful but at the same time, its for your protection as well.

Just a note on your bowel troubles, there are some instances where the bowels take a while to settle back down after surgery, same as with the bladder. Its best to get it checked however, just to make sure all is well. Also keep in mind what stress all by itself can do to the body.

Just think, once you get the visit over with, you'll have three whole months before you have to go again.

I hope you make that appointment, get it over with so you can get on with your healing. Please keep us posted on how things are going.

{{hugs}}

Vicki
  #10  
Unread 05-06-2002, 06:01 PM
A bit scared..need some support

Had my post radiation cat scan for endo ca Stage IIA today. Feel like I want to waiting for the results. You're not alone worrying. We all do it to some extent. Some are better at being positive than others. They say it gets better with every clean follow up test. So get the tests done and you'll start feeling better too
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