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Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

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Unread 05-05-2002, 11:34 AM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

Well ladies,
I have to say I am impressed with all the support most of you seem to get from your spouses/children/significant others. My Hubby is wonderful, though scared. My Mom is happy for me as she can relate to what I am going through. She had a hyst at 37. However: my DD <I use that term loosely> is not being a very nice person right now. All she is worried about is how this will affect her summer plans, how much "her share" of the work around the house and the caring for me will be. Example: My hospital is an hour away. Surgery is early on 23rd. She has an extended field trip on the 24th. Following that is an awards ceremony for her chorus group. That is from 6:30-8 PM. Visiting hours are over at hospital at 8. We told her she could go on the field trip but couldn't make the awards ceremony. In other words, we compromised. WELL! That was just not good enough. SHE wants to go to both. When I tried to explain to her that it really was too difficult to work out, she stormed out of the room,,,slammed her door. Hubby looked at me and said, "She WILL NOT be going on the field trip OR to the ceremony. She can stay her behind at home. I am hurt, angry, frustrated and feeling guilty though I agree with taking the trip from her. I come here and read how everyone's kids are just great. I envy you. My child is like an alien to me. I did not raise her to be so callous and uncaring. She makes me want to cry. I don't know what to do. Or why she is treating me this way. I did not "ruin" her plans on purpose. This surgery is necessary and important. Even told hubby I would postpone until fall. He said,,,NO WAY! This is life and Ms. Princess will have to deal with it.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel so angry/hurt and confused by her behavior and cannot believe her lack of compassion.
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Unread 05-05-2002, 11:41 AM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

I must admit, I did the same thing to my mom (she was 30 for her hyst), but I think back on it and see how selfish I really was. If only I had known then what I know now!!!
Unread 05-05-2002, 12:00 PM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

I am sorry that you are having to deal with your DD's moods right now, when you are having a rough time of it, too.

But - please try to remember that she may be scared and that this is her way of letting you know - I know, it sounds crazy, but 13 year-old girls go through so much, that this may be her way of letting you know she doesn't want you to have the surgery because she's scared.

Is there a counselor at her school that you could talk to about her reaction? If there any way that she could stay with another chorus member and get to participate in both activities?

It's not easy to be a teen-ager's mom - but you may be amazed at how much she will end up helping you, after all. Please let us know how it all works out.


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Unread 05-05-2002, 12:12 PM

I'm sorry too that "DD" is being tough on you right now. I know that my precious DD also goes through some doozies with us - but you know, every time, once we all get over it - it becomes clear that these outbursts of hers are always a reaction to her strong emotions, including fear, compassion, love, etc. She just doesn't always understand how to effectively deal with them or express them.

Give both of yourselves some time and some gentleness. You'll never regret it later.

Unread 05-05-2002, 12:24 PM
Thank you

Thank you ladies. I know I am not at my best right now for coping with her hormonal changes. She just had her first period last month. What a doozy of a roller coaster. I hope that it is truly an emotional response to what is going on. It is so unlike her. I will see if maybe she wants to talk when she is in a more receptive mood. <sigh> I am just surprised at her reaction. Thanks again for keeping me sane.
Unread 05-05-2002, 12:27 PM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

What I remember about being a teenage girl is being stubbornly unwilling to admit my mom could be weak, imperfect, etc.

I think teenage daughters want their mothers to be not quite human, have no needs, just be perfectly supportive all the time. Your world is so small when you're a teenager, and it all revolves around you. I'm not surprised she's selfish -- and believe me, I've seen lots of other posts about selfish children & family members on this board -- just because teenagers wear these huge blinders all the time. They just can't see past themselves. It's nothing personal, just how they're built.

She probably is scared, and doesn't want to admit that her mom might have a weakness or be in danger. She needs you to be invincible, and you're not, and it probably makes her mad because it scares her.

I wish I knew what to suggest. Hang in there.

Unread 05-05-2002, 12:38 PM
I think you are right

Than you for your insightful post. I didn't really look at it like that. She has always seen me as the strong person that I am. I may have done her an injustice. I rarely cry in front of her and whether I am ill or feeling great, I always manage to get things done. Good ole dependable Mom! I love her with all my heart and am glad to hear that others have experienced this with their teens. It's an awful age in my opinion. She chooses great friends, stays out of trouble and makes good grades without my standing watch over her homework. I guess just like with the surgery I have to put a more positive spin on this. Anyone for forced bonding with your teen girl? LOL...Maybe my recuperating will open the door to some heart to heart discussions. Thanks again!
Unread 05-05-2002, 01:52 PM
Teenage Girls

I agree 100% with everything these women or sisters have told you. Teenagers are a lot of work and worry but the girls seem to be the worst. Especially 13 and 14. I remember vividly those days with my daughter. I used to tell her that I know it's a stage she is going through but I'm not sure if she was going to live long enough to get out of it. It is perfectly normal for her to be sooo into herself at that age. It's hard for us to take or remember to when we were that age. Right now with everything you have on your mind the last thing you need is to go through this with her. It will definitely pass. It has nothing to do with the way you raised her. It has everything to do with her being a teenage girl. Some day you two will look back and joke about her attitude.

Take care and don't let her get to you.
Unread 05-05-2002, 02:13 PM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

My kids aren't teens yet but when I first read that she went and slammed her door I thought PMS. Then I read your response about her starting her first period last month. Could she be jealous that you are having surgery to get rid of your periods and angry that she has just started hers? If it is PMS maybe things will settle down for her in a day or two and you will be able to talk with her. I wish you luck in this stage and hope you all feel better.
Unread 05-05-2002, 02:24 PM
Inconsiderate, selfish teenage DD

Lil, I understand and feel for you!!!!!!!I have 2 teenage daughters 14and 15.They are hard. They are selfish!!!!!!My kids have been good (TAH3/28/02)BUT......They are teens and they still are selfish!They have had there moments. And I can get into some really bad" cat"fights with them.Makes my husband crazy. Im told when they turn 25 and find out "Yes" you were right and always have been!They become your best friends. Well if Job waited so can I!!!!!!!!!!Don't stress yourself out about it. Just plan she is not going to be any help and maybe she will suprise you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank God for you to have a very supportive husband. I to am blessed. Take care. Angela

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