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Putting A Lid On It!!! Putting A Lid On It!!!

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Unread 05-11-2002, 07:36 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I have decided that I am not talking to anyone else about my surgery. That includes my Mom, my friends, my co-workers, or my family. The only place I will discuss it (and can discuss it) is here with my Hystersisters. Not one soul understands my fears or concerns, except you ladies.

I am so upset at my best friend right now, I could just spit. He came up from Miami for the weekend, and this morning, I was
reading the posts here on Hystersisters. He said, "Are you on that stupid website again? Is there anything you don't know about having a hysterectomy yet?" I told him that I didn't know as much as I would like, and the more I know the less scary it will be, and that while I have learned a lot, I still don't know what it will feel like. I also told him that at this website, I have made a lot of friends and that it was a wonderful place for information and for support.

Then later, I was showing him my new suitcase and stuff. He said he didn't know why I was making such a big deal out of this, that I'll only be in the hospital for 48 hours, that it's NOT major surgery, that I'm being ridiculous, and that the whole thing is no worse than getting my wisdom teeth out. OOOOOOHHHHH, MEN!!!!

So I decided right then and there that I will never say anything to him about it again. Or anyone else for that matter. Nobody understands how nervous and afraid I am. And maybe he's right. Maybe I am making too much of it. But I've never had surgery before, so it IS a big deal to me. **sigh** Which now leaves me no one to talk to except for you ladies.

Thanks for listening and thanks for understanding.


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Unread 05-11-2002, 07:46 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

Gosh Sashi.... I'm almost 4 months post-op and still on this" stupid web site" You are right, no one understands like our Hystersisters. I have one bio sister that has never even acknowledged my surgery. Not one word! She went through menopause without a hitch so I'm sure she's probably thinking I made this all up. Anyway, sending 's your way and I'll be watching for you! Karlene
Unread 05-11-2002, 07:50 AM

SHOOT THAT MAN!!!! How can he even think it's not major surgery. You're having your body cut open for heaven's sake!

Honey you just stay with us. We'll take care of you. We'll go through this together. When is your surgery date? Mine is 6/4 and I'm going to read this site every day before and after to learn as much as I can. Including shaving your legs!

Hang in there. Feel free to :email: me anytime. Or let's get in chat!

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Unread 05-11-2002, 07:55 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I have one thing to say to your friend: it is definitely not like having your wisdom teeth out! It is major surgery! Show him the pelvic floor site! Then after you pick him up off the floor ask him if he still thinks it's like having your wisdom teeth out!
Unread 05-11-2002, 08:04 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

's Sashi,

I'm so sorry that your friend hasn't been supportive of you. Do you think it might be because he is scared? Sometimes men have a really hard time reaching out to us, and a lot of times it's because they are scared and don't know what to say or do.

Mary Lou's idea is good - if you haven't already been there, the link is:


Just a warning for other LIW who are reading this - It is quite graphic, so if you are squeamish at all, you may not want to look at the photographs.

We're here for you whenever you need us.


Unread 05-11-2002, 08:09 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I am scared to death and I didn't think twice about having my wisdom teeeth out. It's obvious that he is of the male gender!! My mom is the same way everytime I call her and want to talk she just starts complaining about her aches and pains and says she'll gladly trade me. I hate when she does this because she doesn't realize how miserable I am. I also have two young children ages 3 and 6 months and when I asked her if she could help me out a little after my husband goes back to she could help me after my husband goes back to work she said she'd see she has her own things to do!! When she winds up in a nursing home I'm going to remind her of this. Good Luck and ignore your friend. I don't think anyone understands until they go through a rough time themselves.
Unread 05-11-2002, 08:10 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

Lisa, I feel bad you have to deal with insensitive people. Let me say this.............NO ONE knows what you are going through untill they have been there and even then everyone has differnet expiences. This is ABOUT YOU. And you need to do everything you can to prepare yourself. This includes possitive thinking and relaxing This is MAJOR surgery not a paper cut! I don't care what other people may say or think. Well take care. Try to get out and enjoy that great weather in the sunshine state. Maybe if you like take a drive to the Keys(Ilove the Keys!) Take care Angela
Unread 05-11-2002, 08:22 AM

Maybe no one really understands like us because we are all going through it together. I could definitely understand why men don't understand. They think soooo different than woman. Sometimes I think that Lesbians are lucky in a way that they have someone who thinks and feels like other woman. Not that I would trade my DH for anything. He has been totally understanding and supportive of me. I think that's because I have educated him on this surgery as much as I could so that he would understand.

Anyway, I feel bad for you but you are lucky in a way. You have this terrific web site and we are all here for you all the time.

Best of luck to you. Try not to let these insensitive people get to you.

Unread 05-11-2002, 08:41 AM
HA but...

Jackie, you made me chuckle!

This lesbian feels lucky in so very many ways!!!

But even my beloved (who in no way whatsoever minimizes what is going to happen to me) has a little trouble understanding my Hystersister addiction! She just chalks it up to the librarian in me-- I have to thoroughly research everything!

I think any surgery can make one feel isolated a bit-- it is our body, and it is a very unique experience. I find that I'm a little more sensitive to her feelings-- I don't want her to feel left out. I've made it a point to include my wife in all decisions, and she will (schedule willing) be going to my pre-op appointment so she can ask the doc any questions she might have.

This is a big event in my life, for SURE! and I'm glad to have found this site to help me through.

Unread 05-11-2002, 09:17 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I just felt like some BIG


were in order here.

Many times, people will discount our feelings or situations to make THEMSELVES feel better.

So sorry to all of those who are dealing with insensitive people - just when we need them most. I've been fortunate -but I also haven't told my parents..........protecting myself from insensitive people, you understand.....

Come around anytime - we're always around!!

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