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Putting A Lid On It!!! Putting A Lid On It!!!

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Unread 05-11-2002, 09:27 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

Dear Lisa,

Just a thought - do you think maybe your best friend got his feelings hurt because he wasn't the focus of your attention during his weekend visit?:confuse:

My DH is absolutely convinced the world revolves around him! We often have issues because instead of just saying what's bothering him, he starts to feel hurt and then verbally strikes out at me for something totally unrelated.

I find myself having to remind my DH that I do not have E.S.P.!!

I hope the rest of your weekend is great fun, as you have been such a wonderful source of humor and support for the rest of us! Keep your chin up, girl......

: Lauren
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Unread 05-11-2002, 09:31 AM

Why did I think I was the only one who was dealing with an insensitive man?? I am sorry for you my dear, but I am here to tell you that you are not alone! My hubby flows in and out of understanding. The support I was hoping for has not came from him as of yet, I keep hoping that it will come around. MEN! I am glad that I have you all and this site right now, how lucky I was to stumble onto hystersisters! Do what you need to do for yourself right now, and be "on that stupid website" as much as you need. This is all about YOU! I am sorry to say it but maybe he is not the friend you thought he was?? I have been wondering the same about my husband wondering if he is the guy I thougth he was?? maybe its just stress on everyone?? 2u
Unread 05-11-2002, 11:33 AM
Hyster Buddy!

I am so sorry your friends' visit wasn't a supportive one! You are having MAJOR surgery! Organs are being removed. Not just a tooth. And ya wanna know something else, sister? You can be as afraid, nervous, excited, thrilled, scared, and emotional as you want to be right now! How often, as women, do we get to put ourselves first???? This is a good time to start. Let me say this: No matter how this friend may feel privately it is his duty as a best friend to support you and how you are feeling. The "stupid site" has probably saved my Hubby and I many a disagreement because even though I THINK of my surgery 24/7 doesn't mean he wants to hear about it for that length of time. This is a palce we can come to "whine" <though i don't see it as whining> and to blow off steam that we would otherwise take out on our loved ones. You are not silly. You are not over-reacting. BTW,,when was the last time your friend had major surgery???? Hang in there, sis. We are all here for you. <<<BIG HUGS!>>>

PS> Hubby teases me about this site by saying "Hey, are you checking in with you sister-buddies?
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Unread 05-11-2002, 01:59 PM

I get teased a lot from my DH and DD and the people at work about this site and my obsession. I know my husband is grateful for this site though because I can do my obsessing on here instead of in his ear.

No matter what

Unread 05-11-2002, 02:18 PM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

Lisa, I can so relate to what you are going through!

I actually had someone email and tell me that my hysterectomy had made me depressed, in his opinion, and that's why I was picking a fight with him. He isn't related to me in any way and was just someone I talked to about web stuff. When I told him I was having surgery, he told me to have fun! ACK, ok...I couldn't believe that.

We are here and we'll be here for a long, long time. I agree with Karen & Mary Lou, take him to the pelvic floor...those pictures will make him realize this isn't like getting teeth pulled!

Unread 05-11-2002, 09:14 PM

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for listening.

After talking to my friend about how I felt about what he said, he told me that he was just trying to lighten the situation. He said if he agreed how major the surgery is, then he thought it would just scare me (and him) worse. I guess I can see his point, but it just makes me not want to talk to anyone about it. I'm just so glad for my sisters here. What on earth would I do without you ladies?!

To my Hyster Buddy, Tracy. I hope your doing okay today. Our day is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more and more nervous. Starting tomorrow, we'll be saying that we're having surgery next week. Just ten more days! The countdown truly begins! Hang in there, girl. We'll just hyperventilate together.

Love and s to all,

Unread 05-11-2002, 09:48 PM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

Shashi, I know how you feel. Isn't it awful that we have to deal with people like this? Just remember that these are naive comments. People who say things like this really know nothing about hysterectomies and that it is really major surgery. A friend of mine has also made insensitive remarks to me about everything I have been dealing with. But I realized that her remarks are because she is very naive about this. She actually does not know what the function of ovaries are. She did not know where an egg came from until I told her and she did not know what would happen if my ovaries were removed, until I told her. This is a woman that has had 4 kids. So, I now know that people just don't understand because they don't know anything about it. I have found that the people that do know about this surgery are very supportive. I have also decided to not talk about it to people unless they ask. Very few people ask about it though. It is such a lonely place to be We are all here for each other. Hang in there and remember we are always here for you. But wouldn't it be nice if we could just have just 1 person that was there 100%?
Unread 05-11-2002, 10:31 PM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I am so sorry your friend acted like that!
I got a comment like that from my DH when I first started talking about my surgery. I got upset one night and asked him how he would feel if someone was removing his Testies or worse. That did the trick (that and the pelvic floor website!)
And as far as this "stupid" website tell him this is our safe place from people who make judgements about how we should feel or how long we can feel it.
If that doesn't work tell him the same thing I told my Brother-in-law when he groned about me talking to my mother-in-law about my surgery...My exact words were .."look you little twerp I have one PMS left and I am NOT afraid to use it..any questions??" He just shut up and I haven't heard a peep since

TVH June7th
25 days till the castle!!
Unread 05-11-2002, 11:41 PM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

<< Sometimes I think that Lesbians are lucky in a way that they have someone who thinks and feels like other woman. >>

I had to comment on this thread because it's a great chance for me to thank my partner for being fabulous, wonderful, supportive, and every other good thing. I had a whirlwind hysterectomy experience -- diagnosed with a major fibroid on April 5th and supracervical hyst. on April 29th! -- and my partner continues to be incredible about the whole experience. She was the one who found the HysterSisters site to begin with, and she still visits here daily to check up on everyone and to look for helpful information for me. She's been cheerful about taking over all the household chores, and is positive and encouraging every moment of the day. We don't have kids, but we do have a huge menangerie which requires round the clock attention, so she's really been working overtime.

I think a lot of the support comes from her ability to relate to my problems and my pain in a way a man might not be able to. She *knows* miserable cramps and horrible clots, as well as my feelings about not being able to have kids. When I point to a spot slightly below my navel and say, "It's kind of a cramp with a twinge and a side of a kink", she understands the sensation. I appreciate that rapport we have. And of course, she's just a really wonderful person, too

I was married for 5 years to a man who was too embarrassed to go to the drugstore to buy tampons for me! I wonder how he would have weathered a hysterectomy?!
Unread 05-12-2002, 05:23 AM
Putting A Lid On It!!!

I know what you mean Mudpuppy,

My partner has been just wonderful (so far! We'll see how she does when she has to empty the cat boxes and pooper scoop the back yard for 4 weeks! We have 3 dogs/3 cats )

Just how much does a days worth of dirty litter weigh, anyway...

Thankful for the 5lb limit--

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