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Pushed at 4 weeks post op Pushed at 4 weeks post op

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  #1  
Unread 05-16-2002, 11:45 AM
Pushed at 4 weeks post op

I'm 4 weeks post op and i don't get along with dh. I've been pushing myself more than i should to get well, because of lack of help. Last night, dh pushed me while i was sitting in my bed, i was concerned but didn't have pain until about 3am this morning and now i'm cramping, but no bleeding or discharge, so I'm assuming nothing is wrong and i'm just really sore. I'm embarrassed to even tell anyone I've been mainly staying in bed resting today and waiting for all my healing to take place, so i can get back to work full force and get out of this bad situation that i'm in. I guess i just needed to get this off my chest.

Sheri
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  #2  
Unread 05-16-2002, 11:55 AM
Pushed at 4 weeks post op

Sheri~


He pushed you where (on your body) and how hard? You should probably call your DR just to be on the safe side.

At 4 weeks you still need lots of rest, please don't push yourself too hard.
  #3  
Unread 05-16-2002, 11:59 AM
Pushed

Dh pushed me at my shoulders, pretty hard. It was a small struggle to stay upright. I took some pain medicine this morning and feel a little better but now i'm just really worn out, so i'm going to stay in bed for the remainder of the day.
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  #4  
Unread 05-16-2002, 12:10 PM
this is bad

Dear Sherrie,
First and foremost, as I am sure you know full well in your head, no person, let alone your husband should ever lay their hands on you for any reason unless it is in love. Sadly, many women have a hard time transferring this knowledge from their brains to their hearts where for some reason they seem to find a justification for what should be a very clear issue. Honey, did you know that what he did is against the law? It is very important especially now that you heal. How can your body heal when you are in emotional turmoil and on top of that being physically abused? GET AWAY FROM HIM, NOW!!! Go to your family or a shelter or have a court order placed on him to stay away from you. You do not deserve to be abused NO MATTER WHAT! I had the same surgery you had on the same day. So, I know pretty much where you are in your healing process. It is easy right now to get a little carried away in your activities but you are still not 100% yet and there is no way that you can handle physical abuse at this time. (you shouldn't ever have to handle it) Please find a safe place and if you can't then e-mail me personally, and I will try to help you in any way that I can.
  #5  
Unread 05-16-2002, 12:28 PM
Pushed at 4 weeks post op

Julie and Mary Lou,

Thank you so much for caring, and i do have a safe place for me and my kids to go to. It's been so hard trying to deal with this and being so sick for the past 2 yrs. i don't even think i'm able to think rationally anymore. I just know that i can't live like this anymore, or i won't live a long life. This stress has caused many health problems in my life and they started a few months after i got married. I started a business almost 3 years ago, to get out of my marriage and 2 months after that i got really sick, and have been working to get well and to get out of here at the same time. I'm really hoping that this is the last of my surgeries and will be the end of my health problems so i can work harder to be able to take care of me and my 3 kids. Your responses really mean a lot to me and are really helping me to face reality...thank you

sheri
  #6  
Unread 05-16-2002, 12:43 PM
Get out asap

It sounds like your husband certainly doesn't have your best interests at heart! I haven't had my surgery, so can only imagine what your body must be feeling. But I know that any undue pressure or pain for your body is NOT going to help your healing.

Have someone help you get yourself and your children out now, before additional damage is done! Whether it is physical or mental, abuse is still abuse - and very wrong!

Sending many and prayers your way!
  #7  
Unread 05-16-2002, 01:36 PM
Big Big Hugs

I am sitting here so ANGRY and sad for you, my sister. What possessed this man to lay hands on you? Even if you were healthy right now, this is unacceptable. DO NOT ruin your healing by being bullied by your "man". I use the term loosley. He should be touching you only with love. Has he ever had major surgery before? Do your kids witness this "pushing'? He doesn't have to strike you to be abusive to you. I know you need to lay plans for you and your kids, but do it as soon as you can! You are worthy of much better than his kind. All my thoughts and prayers to you!
  #8  
Unread 05-16-2002, 03:16 PM
Pushed at 4 weeks post op

Oh, Sheri.

What a frustrating and awful situation to be in. I agree with the other ladies -- don't wait, get out NOW. What are you waiting for? Nothing is going to change for the better until you get you & your kids out of there. It's hard to make the leap, I know, and change is hugely terrifying, but you are a brave woman or you wouldn't have gotten through your hyst. You can do anything.

Having said that, I also understand that you have to leave when you're ready, and nobody can rush that. I just hope you're ready soon. Like right now.

You don't have to live like that. The sooner you get out, the sooner you can start to breathe easy and really live your life.

My heart goes out to you.

Melissa
  #9  
Unread 05-16-2002, 03:56 PM
Pushed at 4 weeks post op

Hi Sheri. I know from supporting my sister thru a similar situation that it takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship. I hesitate to offer advice, because I know that you have to be getting a lot of it, but.....please remember that every day that you stay with your abusive spouse your children are learning what a bad relationship is like instead of a kind and loving one. Please stay safe, muster up the courage to leave, and then, don't look back. You deserve to have a safe and calm life. Hang in there, and please, take care of yourself. Prayers are with you.
  #10  
Unread 05-16-2002, 04:29 PM
from a caregiver

sheri
I understand WHY you feel you NEED to stay in this relationship as with your medical condition unrelated to your hysterectomy you are afraid to be alone and feel you NEED him.
Your spouse has alot of anger issues obviously and no doubt more enhanced with your past few years of needing more from him in the way of caregiving. being a caregiver to a disabled husband with MS i know most people do not have a clue how difficult dealing with a long term chronic illness can be for couples and for both partners in the relationship.
You have 2 choices right now. ONE.. he gets counseling for his managing of anger and abusive behavior and/OR you leave. Knowing how vulnerable you feel with your health and kids etc, perhaps letting him know there are NO more options and you matter. SHAME on him but he needs help too. in the meantime temporarily leaving the environment might wake him up but under no circumstances .
my husband used to be verbally abusive due to his own inability to deal with his physical disabilities and when i realixed what a doormat i had become and here i was caregiving HIM And sacrificing my life i had enough and was almost out the door. he woke up, got on antidepressants and resolved his anger at his disease and stopped treating me like crap and began appreciating that no one HAS to stay in a relationship, including the one that is disabled.
we are here to help you find the emotional strength to realize you do not need this treatment . I would call dr as far as the physical potential for injury which sometimes can be treated more than the emotional hurts!
jandrie
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