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Nervous about family Nervous about family

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Unread 05-20-2002, 05:28 AM
Nervous about family

Hi All!!

I have an odd questions, that I hope someone can help me with. I am feeling very nervous about leaving the family home alone while I am in the hospital. See, I am divorce and remarried to an absolutely wonderful man, who takes awesome care of the kids and I, BUT my youngest son has Cerebral Palsy. He is quite the momma's boy when something is not right, and get's quite upset if mommy does not come home when he thinks I should be. My Dr. said I will be in hospital for 3-5 days, so this is only going to make things worse for all left here at home. The only Godsend will be that the first 3 days are the last 3 days of school for him. My oldest son is great with helping with him, but he also loses patience quickly (as most 15 yr. olds do) with him, and most time over reacts. Then there is the issue of, what if...what if something happens to me. The kids under NO circumstances want to go with their "sperm donor" Even with a Will, he could contest it. Wouldn't win because he has not had contact with his kids in almost 10 years, and doesn't pay the support he is suppose to, but I KNOW he would still try, just to make waves. Then there is Jeremy's whole med. history that I need to make sure my hubby knows about and what doc's to see, meds he takes, etc. etc.

Yup, I have check out the drop downs on the main page about thoughts on death, but this is a little different situation. I'm not really worried about the whole death thing, just the family. Hope someone can help me out here. How did anyone who might have a similiar situation handle this.

BTW, I found out from the hospital, after the screw ups of the Dr.'s secretary, that I am in fact scheduled for a TAH/BSO, not just a TAH. For those who might remember, she is the IDIOT of the office. Had me NOT being admitted and thought I was having a T & A instead. Like an OB/GYN is going to do Tonsils & Adnoids!!!

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Unread 05-20-2002, 05:47 AM
In my prayers


I am putting you on my prayer list. You do have a long list of concerns and I have not been in your shoes, but I certainly know how to pray.

My prayer is that you will allow yourself to put your own health as #1 priority right now. Your husband will take good care of your kids and you might be amazed at the patience of your 15 year ds when you are not looking over his shoulder. My own kids always do much better when I am not around to 'rescue' them from their mistakes.

I think you should go for the best-case scenario, where you follow drs. orders in the hospital and get released in three, rather than five days. That should help some. Certainly the entire family will feel better when you are home full time.

You don't say what ages your others are, but if necessary, is there someone else (neighbor, church friend, relative) who can come by and help for a few hours a day during your early recovery?

You sound like me, someone who 'does it all,' and when you can't do, you worry that it won't get done. Your concerns are real, Chris, but not insurmountable. God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Please take care of yourself so you are soon well enough to take care of others again.

Unread 05-20-2002, 11:36 AM

Hi there,
I think most of us as women "worry" about things/people/animals not being cared for the way we would care for them while we are in the hospital. As you can see from our other sisters here, we all find a way to manage somehow. Your focus right now needs to be on YOU because your family DOES need you. This hospital stay is a short term deal. If you mess up your recovery, you won't heal quickly at all. I am not in your situation with a child with a disability, so my advice to you would be to allow your family to take care of each other. I think you will be pleasantly surprised! Worry about things you can control. THIS is not one of those things! <smile> Let Go and let God. Your family will not disappoint you!
You are in my thoughts. I know this doesn't help much but I think everything really will be OK.
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Unread 05-20-2002, 12:49 PM
Nervous about family

Dear Chris,

OK, you made me cry when I read your post.:cry: Not a "bad" cry but one of sympathy and understanding. The other sisters are right! You need to, maybe just this one time, take care of yourself first! Your recovery will benefit your entire family, so do it right!

I have two teenaged boys who both have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, among other disabilities too. My oldest takes 5 different kinds of meds., twice daily. I understand your concerns! I plan to write out a simple "Med. Schedule" for my DH to follow while I'm in the hospital.

When my children were little, my Mom told me one day, "Your children will not grow up to remember that the kitchen floor was clean or all the laundry was done. They will however, grow up to remember that you played with them."

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
June Bloom Lauren
Unread 05-20-2002, 12:53 PM

You made my heart swell with your statement. "Your children will never remember if the kitchen floor was clean or the laundry was done. They will remember that you played with them." OH so true! Our houses will wait 6 weeks <or longer> if need be. Our health matters. We matter. We need to take care of ourselves <and be taken care of> in this 6 weeks. Big deal. 6 weeks is a blink of an eye compared to a pain free, blood free rest of our lives!
Unread 05-20-2002, 06:42 PM
Nervous about family

Thanks to all who have replied!!

Lauren...your right!! They are not going to remember the clean floor, but the time we spent together. It seems you have the best/closest true feeling of what it is to be in my shoes. Many people can try to imagine, but having a child with any kind of disability is adding a whole new dimesion to your life. Jeremy has CP, seizures, asthma, Obsessive/compulsive disorder, ADHD, and is severely cognitive delayed. He does walk, but with a limp, has had 11 surgeries, 6 non surgically related hospitalizations, and sees 10 specialists. I could go on, but maybe it will help someone understand why I feel the way I do.

It is just the 2 boys. Oldest is 15, and Jer, the youngest is 11 (12 in July) I plan to get everything written down, and the things I can not get written down, I will let him (hubby) know where to find the things.

I do feel better, a little less panicky. I knew I could turn to my HysterSisters!!

Thanks All!!


I promise I will play the good duti-less princess following my surgery
Unread 05-20-2002, 07:14 PM
Nervous about family

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I have a few suggestions, that obviously you can take or leave!!! I worked for many years as a child and adolescent therapist. I learned a lot of strategies along the way. With your older son, perhaps you could contract with him to meet a certain amount of responsibility in exchange for some extra freedom/privileges when you are feeling better. Part of being a family is chipping in when needed, but 15 year olds need some tangible benefits at times. As far as your younger son, when I worked with small children (and it seems that developmentally this may be appropriate), I suggested to parents whose kids had separation anxiety that they give the child something important-- keys, a driver's license (if you don't need it)--anything that YOUR child knows you value or need. A child who is insecure may not be sure you'll be back for them, but if you've gone nuts about not being able to find your keys, that same child can figure out that you'll be back for your keys! :key: It has amazing results. Perhaps you could write a note for each day you're gone that someone can read to him and include a sticker that will remind him of you. I think it's natural to have concerns about what if the worst happens. I made sure my will was up to date. Not because I think I'm going to bite the dust or anything; it just reminded me that I needed to take care of it. :time2: Best of luck to you. You and your family are in my prayers.
Unread 05-20-2002, 07:17 PM
nervous too!!!!!!

Hello CSeeber,

We have the same surgery date! :cheer: I too am very nervous about leaving my family home alone. I do not have any special needs kids so my hat is off to you!

My mother will help out a night or 2 but other than that it's me the dh, the dd and the ds. I know we can handle it but sometimes I wonder because we have a melt down over the simpliest of things. My dd is 10 and my ds is 8. I'm not going to worry either about the dust or the cobwebs. Both of us have to concentrate on getting well and being NORMAL again. I am having a TAH with a RSO. At first I was going to have a BSO but I am only have the severe pain on the left side so I am going to leave my rt. side there. I have a T&A 2 years ago. That went ok but boy was my throat sore!

I hope you get everything straigtened out and good luck and maybe we can cooperate together!

Unread 05-20-2002, 09:51 PM
Nervous about family

I understand your fears for your son. You have time to try a dry run. Go away for a night and test the waters. See what his reaction is and how your dh is able to handle it. I'm sorry to say that I'm not aware of your son's limitations. Is there a CP net site ( not as good as this one) out there where you could get some advice?
Chris, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe you having surgery will be for the best. This way everyone will know what to expect, how to cope, and how to make improvements for future absences. Heaven forbid, but one day you may not be there or not be able to care for him. I believe you would feel so much better knowing that he would not fall to pieces without you. I hope you have the time to find a gentle solution for all of you.
Please let us know how it goes. I wish I had answers for you.

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