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Taking care of the "care-takers" Taking care of the "care-takers"

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Unread 05-20-2002, 01:03 PM
Taking care of the "care-takers"

I have read so many posts in the last month on this wonderful site. What bother's me is that we are more concerned about our homes and families than we are about the surgery. Does that seem a bit off-balance to you? Yes, we are caretakers and God Bless us! But we are also human beings that need taking care of at times in our own lives. This is a good opportunity for families, hubby's and kids to see that Mom is not invincible.

I feel bad for the Mom's with wee ones who have no help and for ladies who have uncaring significant others. They are in my thoughts and prayers. Many of us have strong, loving support systems at home. So the house gets dirty. So the kids clothes don't match. So frozen pizza is served 3 times a week. Does any of this matter? No. WE matter.
Please ladies. Worry over yourselves for a change. Go ahead and feel guilty <I do> but focus more on your recovery and less on how smoothly the household may run. My lovely Mom said to me "Honey, are you so arrogant that you think your home cannot be run by anyone other than you? Have faith in your loved ones and they will not let you down in the important areas of your recovery." My Mom said this with love, but it made an impact! So to all you princesses to be, RELAX about your homes and families if you can. You are WORTH your healing time.
I hope I didn't offend anyone! <smile>
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Unread 05-20-2002, 01:10 PM

Well Tracy,

You certainly have become enlightened just before your surgery!! Hope I can count on that kind of calm attitude, too.

You are absolutely right and I agree with you 100%. It's too bad this attitude isn't more prevalent. I think most of us could concentrate on the importance of healing properly if we didn't think others would criticize or be offended by it.

You go girl and if anyone points out the frozen meal boxes in my trash, I'll send them to you for justification.

Unread 05-20-2002, 01:17 PM

You crack me up! We need a "frozen dinner" police to go along with our pillow police! Someone who can say,,,"Hey! This marvelous, lovely woman just had major surgery. If frozen foods, dirty laundry and unswept floors will aid in her healing, then let her heal!" Then they could issue tickets for "violating the healing process!"
I don't understand what society has done to us as women to make us feel "guilt" about being unwell, or if we just place such unrealistic demands on ourselves. I would like to see that attitude change beofre my daughter becomes a wife and Mom.
Thanks for not being offended, Nancy. Sometimes it is hard to know how to take things that are written if you can't hear how they were said. I wrote it to be uplifting to our sisters. I hope it won't be taken as judgemental. Just a few more days to go!
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Unread 05-20-2002, 01:27 PM
Your humor


I had read enough of your previous posts to know you had a sense of humor and wouldn't be offended by my response, either.

I have my bag packed, plenty of extras stashed around the house for post-op, books waiting to be read and work done in advance.

Now, because I have to have something to worry about--I'm concerned about withdrawal from this site. I was barely on this weekend, just to see if I could do it. I kept very busy and only popped in once or twice. At work I have lots of time to surf, so I'm on all day long.

Do you think the dr. would write a prescription for me to have a laptop in the castle? My dh offered to post in my name, or to e-mail someone after my surgery, but I told him I would prefer to do it myself--as an incentive to feel well enough soon.

You had better think about this, too. How will the site survive without your input for days?

BTW, you do what you can for your daughter. I have three teenage sons and I am raising them with a totally different attitude towards women than how my dh was raised. We'll get this world straightened out little by little.

My prayers to you on Thursday and I'll be looking for you on the post op side.

Unread 05-20-2002, 04:02 PM
Taking care of the "care-takers"

Hey Tracy & Nancy

Wow, I love that new attitude! Now if I could live by it, and not just at home but at work also.

Best wishes with your surgeries, and see you when you get home and feel up to sitting at the computer!

Unread 05-20-2002, 04:20 PM

Hi ladies,
Withdrawal.? Oh no. Didn't even cross my mind! I have been so focused on the surgery that I wasn't thinking about how I would do without being able to talk to my sisters! A prescription for a laptop? Hmmmm...We could claim mental distress! And of course withdrawal. I think Lisa aka Shashi has a laptop. I'm very jealous now. Guess i will have to be a good girl and wait until I can sit here comfortably. <sigh>
I agree with working on our kids to improve "gender" roles. My 13 year old has clear ideas on what she wants. We know that will change several times. She wants to teach, have two kids and have a house husband. Too Cool!
Thursday is right around the corner isn't it? The waiting is terrible! I will be anxious to see you on the other side, Nancy. Take care.
Unread 05-20-2002, 04:27 PM
Taking care of the "care-takers"

I'm with you!! I used to have an uncaring DH, but I'm on my own now, with 4 wonderful kids aged 16 down to 5, and they are great. My 16 yr old will have finished his GCSEs by 24/06/02, when I go into the castle, and he's going to look after me! He's even learned how to use the washing machine! I'm very proud of him... he's in the Golden Jubilee parade marching past the Queen on 04/06/02, for the St. John Ambulance.
Unread 05-20-2002, 05:54 PM
Caring for ME

Since my kids are all grown and my dh has been my x-dh for years now, I feel some measure of relief that I don't have to worry about how my household will run without me. If things don't get done, it's only me that will know about it. And any of my friends who stop by will just have to excuse the dust. (I'll just put up a sign that says, "Pardon my dust, I'm remodeling!" And I am, I'm remodeling me!)

Of course, I have a different set of worries and concerns, like who's going to take care of me, am I going to get stuck between my pillows or on the toilet and be there forever, what if I run out of toilet paper, that kind of thing. And who's going to take care of my Mom's needs, drive her to church, help her out of the car, carry her groceries in for her (and for me, for that matter!) Ah, the joys of womanhood.

A prescription for a laptop sounds good. I do have one, but it's one I was issued at work, so I wouldn't bring it to the castle with me for fear it might sprout legs and walk off. I'm hoping to buy my own in a few weeks (if I can stop spending the money I saved for it!)

But however will I deal with Hystersisters withdrawal? Is there a pill for this type of addiction? Maybe I'll just drag the laptop into bed with me.


Unread 05-20-2002, 08:21 PM
Taking care of the "care-takers"


I love your posting!!! Your message was very well-stated!

So often we hear how people tend to trivialize this surgery. I think this happens for two reasons 1) because this surgery has become common so naive people equate it to being similar to having a wisdom tooth pulled, or something as common as that and 2) because we women go to great lengths to make sure things run smoothly during our recovery and no one is inconvenienced. Well, guess what???? Why wouldn't people think the surgery is trivial when their standard of living and lifestyle are not impacted at all by it? Perhaps if people other than the patient had to make sacrafices during recovery time they'd have a better appreciation for what the patient just went through!

I am fortunate to live with people who cared more about my healing than about getting the laundry done or the next meal prepared. In fact, I was my own worst enemy during my recovery! Now that I'm eight-weeks post-op and doing more they are taking notice and appreciating every little thing I can do for them now. And they keep reminding me not to overdo.

Nice mesage Tracy!
Unread 05-20-2002, 09:32 PM
Taking care of the "care-takers"

This is too funny- I zoomed in on the topic because because I thought it would offer advice on how to take care of my care-taker! I guess that I should think about that, huh?

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