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  #1  
Unread 05-27-2002, 07:45 PM
Men!

How is it that men can turn a conversation about hysterectomies and the emtions that come with it into a conversation about windshield wipers???

We were driving home from our friends house this evening and I got to talking about my upcoming surgery and about all the mixed emotions I have been feeling.........happy to get it done and over with, sad that this means no more kids, etc.......I'm on the verge of tears and all of a sudden he says "did you notice the windshield wipers? No streaks" Then I really broke down in tears. See, he had just put new windsheild wipers on yesterday and I failed to notice them But couldn't he have found a better time to point them out to me?
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  #2  
Unread 05-27-2002, 07:53 PM
Men!

Oh! Poor Pasdechat! Silly men! I wish I could remember which comedian it was... somebody did a great routine about a man and woman talking in the car, with subtexts of what they were "really thinking" - your conversation with hubby would've fit right in. He's probably dealing with your hyst in the best way he can... Guys, sheesh.
  #3  
Unread 05-27-2002, 07:57 PM
Sorry your dh is not so d

Pasdechat

I am sorry! My dh has been so sick of hearing about my hyst and how I feel about it and my fears for recovery, etc... as well. His eyes glaze over whenever I start telling about what I learned, read, laughed about on this website. I think our loved ones go through a "waiting" phase, too, only it is less personal to them, or something. I think they must go through the stress of waiting only it is different; they have to put up with a stressed-out LIW rather than be one.

s to you and I hope you tried not to take it too personally. Give him a little slack...he is a man, after all!

It will all be over SOON!

Loves to ya!
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  #4  
Unread 05-27-2002, 08:31 PM
Men!

Hi

OH, gee! Why am I not surprised???

Do you know what my DH says whenever he's painted himself into a corner, so to speak? We'll be in the middle of an intense conversation and after a really long, uneasy pause, he'll say, "Have you heard any good jokes lately?" And he thinks that is sooooo cute. I, on the other hand, do not.

Awww, sweetie - I'm so sorry; I do understand how this could make you burst into tears, I really do. You've been waiting an awfully long time, and now it's time to prepare and it can be tough on the emotions! Men, as well as women who don't know and have not been through this, simply do not understand. Some don't know how to react or what to say. Some say the totally wrong things, and others say nothing at all. None of these are acceptable to a Lady In Waiting.

Suffice it to say that we *do* know how you feel; you are not alone, and we are here for you, hon'.

s,
  #5  
Unread 05-27-2002, 08:46 PM
Men!

Ahhhh yes! Men.
I would just like to add how interesting it is to see the new side of the man in your life come to surface. It can be positive or negative, but such an event in your life will definately give you a new perspective on your man. The good news is that it also give you a new perspective on yourself, although the depth of both perspectives might take a few months to fully realise. This is a rite of passage for both of you. Later on down the road you'll both say, "WOW!"
  #6  
Unread 05-27-2002, 09:02 PM
MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pasdechat,
I'm sorry. But your thread title just said it all. "MEN" They just don't know any better. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

TC
  #7  
Unread 05-28-2002, 02:18 PM
Men!

When I told my DH that my doctor had recommend the hysterectomy, DH said he needed a support group for men whose wives were soon to be cervix free! I responded with surprise that I was the one about to have life changing surgery, but he needed a support group? Despite my surprise, I thought his comment was pretty funny.... I realized that he too had some feelings that he was struggling with and I could not minimize those feelings. So we had an ongoing joke about his soon to be formed support group. If trying to turn his dumb comments into a joke does not work for you...

Have you shared any info from this site with your DH? For my DH, I printed out info from the "Ladies in Waiting" pull down menus about what family members should know and how they can help.

Often our men just don't know what to say... so they say something that sounds inappropriate or they try to find something to do or some way to "solve" the problem. The Ladies in Waiting info gives them lots of ideas for things to do so they can feel like they are contributing. If they are doing something with their hands maybe they are less likely to use their mouths to make insensitive comments?

Also... I agree with Vocaltones 100%!!! This experience will give you a new perspective on your DH, as well as a new perspective on yourself. I pray that your DH will prove to be a real trooper when it is all said and done - that is really the important thing!!!
  #8  
Unread 05-28-2002, 02:30 PM
I heard that sister!

My husband and I were just discussing the lack of ehm.. sex since I have been in period puratory for over a month now. I told him to try to understand, and put himself in my position if he could. He said well, I'd just call the doctor and tell him I want it yanked out! YANKED???? *punch* I felt myself just squirm in the chair! ugh! I said Dear heart, (called him dear even.. ) please please do not refer to the removal of an internal organ as YANK! Just think about someone yanking on your precious jr. until it was removed before you speak! I think he actually did think about it too!

Men are wired differently than we are. They don't know how to handle things, and his disinterest might actually be fright. Still no excuse, I know! Hang in there!

  #9  
Unread 05-28-2002, 09:43 PM
Men!

Thanks everyone! I knew you'd understand

I do have to say that my husband is extremely supportive and I know he will be there totally for me..........................but, he is a man and yes, they are wired differently than us. What can you do
  #10  
Unread 05-29-2002, 06:20 AM
Men!

pasdechat

Do we have the same hubby?

Mine was real sweet till I started to get all emotional and talk about it too much. After a few conversations about my upcoming hyster, he would block me out or change the subject.

Hang in there. This is probably your dh's way of coping with the fact that you are about to go through a major surgery. Maybe he's confused and worried and not sure how to express his emotions (you know men).

s

Amy
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