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He turned me down!! He turned me down!!

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  #1  
Unread 06-02-2002, 09:42 AM
He turned me down!!

7 weeks post op and I decided it was time. Let my DH know I was ready for him once again, and he turned me down. Said he would rather wait until we were sure I was alright and to wait long enough to be sure I was healed in order to minimize the pain. Is he that good or am I now undesirable? After 16 years of marriage, he has only turned me down once that I can remember. Feel sorta sad but think I should be glad he is so caring. Don't know what to think.
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  #2  
Unread 06-02-2002, 09:47 AM
He turned me down!!

Irae,

My dh and I became intimate last night for the first time since hyster. He was a tad hesitant at first, but warmed right up. I think your dh is just trying to make sure you are all the way ok. Maybe he has fears that he will hurt you in some way. Maybe if you chat with him about it, ask him if he's worried. Mine was concerned, but I told him I would take control and everything went just fine.

s and know you aren't alone in this. Have you been given the go ahead by your doc?

Blessings,
Amy
  #3  
Unread 06-02-2002, 10:36 AM
He turned me down!!

Hi Irae, you're not alone. My DBF was terrified that he might hurt me... I didn't know what was going on until he finally told me. Just take your time together and everything will be fine.
s,
-Linda
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  #4  
Unread 06-02-2002, 10:39 AM
He turned me down!!

If doc gave the go ahead, let dh know. My dh was also reluctant, and I did have a little pain due to dryness, but it was wonderful after that passed. You may ask doc to talk to dh also.
  #5  
Unread 06-02-2002, 11:39 AM
He turned me down!!

Irae,

He probably meant well and is afraid to hurt you. He probably doesn't realize he hurt your feelings. Maybe you could talk about it and agree to just fool around and see what happens. There's probably not going to be some magical time where if he waits long enough you can both jump back in to right where you were before. You're going to have to ease into things no matter what. Once he realizes that, maybe the two of you can get started.

It takes a lot of patience at first, but it's really worth it. It's good that he cares about you, but naturally it's really frustrating at the same time.
  #6  
Unread 06-02-2002, 12:57 PM
He turned me down!!

It is OK with your doctor, right? OK.

I got the OK at 4 weeks, and it wasn't bad - a little tender - but took a while to get the hang of it again. At least the old pains that had been there before were *gone*, and I could see right away that things were going to be a lot more fun as I healed more.

Maybe to take the pressure off your DH you could suggest that you just "try it for a minute - slowly", to see how you are doing. If you're a little ouchy, switch to doing something else. If you're fine, great. Or tell him you need to do your "stretching exercises".

It is great that he's concerned about you. Maybe try begging, that should make a big impression.
  #7  
Unread 06-02-2002, 12:59 PM
He turned me down!!

(((Irae))) Even though DH and I got intimate the minute I was cleared to resume full intimacy, I remember that both of us were a little apprehensive. He even stopped in mid-stream and asked "are you sure?". I also remember he felt that way when I was expecting.

Irae, this is yet another area where communication is soooo important: both of you need to keep each other informed as to how you are doing and what you are thinking and feeling.

I understand your frustration You're lucky: you have a dh who really cares about your well-being.
  #8  
Unread 06-17-2002, 07:37 AM
Did the deed

Well Linda, my dr gave me the go ahead at 3 weeks. I was so shocked at this. I thought 3 weeks! No way. that's too soon. But you got the go ahead at 4 weeks. Everyone else says 6-8 weeks. I know every dr is different and every patient is different. Well, Sunday afternoon we started with a little foreplay. Pretty soon I was having such an urge. I wanted him badly. And he wasn't sure about doing anything more. He didn't want to hurt me. But we went very slow and it was wonderful. He didn't go all the way in but that was enough to satisfy both of us for now. He was so tender and gentle. And I didn't have any bleeding afterwards or any pain whatsoever. I'm looking forward to the time when we do go "all the way".
  #9  
Unread 06-17-2002, 10:21 AM
And may I recommend...

lots and lots of Astroglide We got the go-ahead at 4 weeks (just in time for Father's day!) and had been "messing around" prior to that (my hyst was supracervical, so I had an OK for that).

We used LOTS of lubricant, I got to control the whole process, and, although DH was pretty tentative, it was better than the 12 weeks of nothing we've been going through.

And, if you put the Astroglide on HIM , you never know what that might lead to (evil grin).

We've found that K-Y dries up too fast...Astroglide or something similar is "clearly" the way to go.

When I asked my DH how his Father's Day "present" was, he was sort of non-committal and would only say "I know it will get better". It's hard for them if they think they might be hurting you. And I'd never told him, until after my surgery, just how much it had hurt before. He just looked stunned at me when the doctor who took my history asked about that and I told him that I'd had pain for years.

You'll get there, both in the desire department and in the mechanics. Time, lubricant, trust...lubricant...

Good luck.

Audrey
  #10  
Unread 06-17-2002, 10:55 AM
He turned me down!!

Sounds silly, but my DH had spent many months worrying that he was hurting me before my hyst, and was very reluctant post hyst. I had my doc write me a note stating that we could resume activities, since I KNEW he wouldn't believe me if I just SAID it was ok.
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