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Unread 06-04-2002, 01:33 PM
Sad Sister

I'm a low sister tonight. Day started well, had arranged to do a 10k run for charity, before I go into the castle on the 24th. That went well, I felt pleased that I had done it.
Then my ex DH decided he wanted to spoil my day as usual. which is one of the reasons he's my ex. He always tries to control what I do, so this evening, when he was supposed to have our daughter to stay, he starts ranting & crying & saying he can't cope & I'll have to take her home. I don't mind having my daughter of course, what I do mind is that he is stopping me from doing anything by having these tantrums. I'm not leading a high life, I'm a single mother of 4, i work full time and support my family myself. My older children are from a previous marriage, and my ex was always mean to them, the other reason he's now an ex. And tonight he was being dramatic, saying that he's going to end it all. Then he said, "If I go, I'm not going alone". I have taken this as a threat to my children, and I am now so sad and confused. It's easy to sit on the side lines and say that I must do this do that, but it's all so hard when it's your life, your mess, your pain. I just want him to accept his responsibilities to our daughter, and apart from that, leave me alone. Sorry for the moan.
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Unread 06-04-2002, 01:50 PM
Sad Sister

Call the police, report him for the threat. Get a protective order. If your children are in danger, then there is NO excuse not to. Your children are your first and most important priority and if you allow this to continue, you are putting them in harms way. Stop him now.

Then the next time he calls and says he is going to end it all, tell him good luck and goodbye.

I know this sounds harsh, but I have a brother who is suicidal and he uses it as a way to manipulate people into bending to his will which is what your ex seems to be doing.

I only wish you the best of luck and when you are rid of him, your life will be so much more liberating.

This advice comes through much hardship and emotional turmoil. I offer it only with the best of intentions.

Unread 06-04-2002, 02:03 PM
Sad Sister

Debs, Shelley is right. Call the police. I know you want your daughter to have her father in her life, but if he is that way, then it's probably doing her more harm that she is exposed to it.
Good luck and lots of s
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Unread 06-04-2002, 02:22 PM
I Agree!!

Well, it would seem it is unanimous!!! Call the police, and remove him permanently, if possible from your daughters realm!! So, the next time he calls and says he wants to end it all, let him. You will know that you and your children are better off without him in your life!!!!

We just recently had a case like that here in Texas. Not a pretty picture!!! Don't let him manipulate you! Call whomever it is you need to over in the UK, and get him out of your life!!!!!

I wish I had wings and could fly across the ocean to give you a Hug, but I can't/don't so hopefully this will suffice...'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unread 06-04-2002, 02:25 PM
Sad Sister


Your ex-husband is definitely using this fear to manipulate you. And it sounds to me more like he's threatening your life than that of your children.

I was in a marriage for ten years to a man who, during the last few years we were married, abused me, repeatedly raped me, and terrorized me by threatening to kill me while holding a knife to my throat on numerous occassions. Such men are dangerous. Get away from him as fast as you can and get help. Such threats, while they may seem a bluff, can quickly get out of hand. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

My prayers are with you.


Unread 06-04-2002, 02:40 PM
Sad Sister

I agree with the other sisters. Men who make these kind of threats are often *not kidding*. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your kids. Get whatever custody rights he has suspended.

Here are a few potentially helpful web sites I found - maybe they have some good advice: ("Protection from Harassment Act 1997) (Victim resources in the UK) (Stalking info, UK) (Canada) (UK info) (Scary)

Take him seriously. Best of luck!
Unread 06-04-2002, 03:02 PM
Sad Sister


Remove this man from your life! He is too self-centered and manipulative to give you and your daughter anything but grief. Document everything, and know that you are fighting for your life, and the life of your family! Once a threat like that is made, it doesn't get any better. Don't play! You deserve people in your life who grow with you and respect you, and so does your daughter. Absence is much better than abuse, especially that twisted emotional suck-the-life-out-of-you kind of abuse. Consider talking to a women's shelter, just so you have some back-up close to you if you need it, and so you don't feel like you are bad or crazy. E-mail me any time if you like at [email protected].

Try to consider this whole thing a Rite of Passage. You are remove the things that don't work from your life, and becoming more of who you are!
Unread 06-04-2002, 05:25 PM
Sad Sister

Girlfriend I have been there and done that. That is why I have Had a X-DH. My DH now is a police officer. This is what you do
Call the police, File for a Domestic Vilolence Protection order through your court system. Each time you have a problem with this guy, and he bug's you and your children call ,the police. File complaint's with your local police division and document,document,
document. There is law's against this !!!!Don't you let this guy bully-you!!! My XDH said he was going to end it too. That was 25 year's ago and he is still do this for attention and to make you feel guilty, do not fall in to that !!!I am sorry if I sound like I am straight forward here but like I said been there done that, and I hear about it all the time..{{{{MEEEEENNNNNMN}}}}
Girl it makes my blood boil over !!!! Just makes me want to scream!! You take care of you and those babies and pick up that phone call the police....even if he call's you and wont leave you harrasment.....file a complaint, harrasment is illigeal too ( sorry abou the spelling)
Good God Almighty just makes me want to shake him tell his teeth rattle!!!!!!

Take Care,
Big Hug's to you and your Family
P'S. If it get's to bad.....Call police they will take you to the Batterd
Women's Shelter...Do Not take any thing from this guy !!!
So Sorry for being so Blunt....
Unread 06-04-2002, 10:50 PM
Sad Sister

Many thanx to you all for your advice and support. It's good to know that I'm not going crazy, or the Hard , mean **** that he tries to convince me I am. I will seek professional advice TODAY, I promise. I've made it this far, he's NOT going to ruin the rest of my life, or mychildren's lives!
Thankyou again.
Unread 06-04-2002, 11:45 PM
Sad Sister

Good for you! Be careful. We'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

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