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Freaking out - kinda long Freaking out - kinda long

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Unread 07-03-2002, 10:25 PM
Freaking out - kinda long

Well, here goes. Had by LAVH on 6/14. I haven't had a normal pap smear sinch 1995. Two LEEPs and seven cryos later and I finally decided enough was enough. My most recent cervical biopsy (in April) came back CIN 2. So I really wasn't expecting anything more. So when the pathology came back stage 1A2 squamous cell carcinoma of the cervix, I freaked. My margins were clean but they ended up taking the top of my vagina and some surrounding tissue. All of that was clean. They also checked my lymph nodes and ovaries - also clean.

I had all of this done at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in NYC so I feel like I really am getting the best care.

They want to follow me closely for the next five years - surveillance, they called it. Paps every three months. Ovarian ultrasounds, CA-125 blood test, urine cytology, pelvic exam, and breast exam every six months. Yearly colonoscopy and mammogram. Which is all OK with me. Better to be safe than sorry, right?

But here's the problem. I am so terrified they missed something and it is growing right now. Don't know how I am going to make it until my September visit. Help!
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Unread 07-04-2002, 12:24 AM

Sounds like you have been through a lot! Let's celebrate for your clear margins. I am so glad to hear this. Even thought your Dr. has given you a clean pathology, it is so understandable to be scared. We call it "cancer head". It is that fear of the cancer coming back or still being there. Even girls that are cancer free for a long time feel this way at one point or another. I am sorry that you are feeling this way right now. You have made it through a major life changing surgery, and you are here to move on and be healthy! An is watching over you with all of us on cancer concerns.

Until your appointment, try to give yourself time to heal. You will get through it. Of course, come and vent anytime! and prayers to you.
Unread 07-04-2002, 04:49 AM
Freaking out - kinda long

I know exactly where you're coming from...I think we all get shocked when that "C" word is used. I had a cone biopsy done and those results came back as invasive squamous cell cancer. I had a radical hysterectomy too and lymph node removal and all of that pathology came back clean too. My stage is 1b. I am treated in Boston, and they want me back every three months for cytology smear and every year for a chest x-ray. My first 3 month cytology smear is due at the end of the month, and I'm starting to get a bit nervous....but will go with a positive attitude!! Or try anyway!!

A big for you. I hope the "cancer head" eases up a bit for you. Sounds like your physicians are right on top of things and your stage was very early, which is great news for you.
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Unread 07-04-2002, 05:02 AM
Hi Julie

Yes, that's what we call "cancer head" and it's very, nery normal. We ALL have that. When you go in September, tell the doctor your concerns about that "what if something got missed" and then ask what to be especially aware of between checks (symptoms) and also what they will do if they find something they don't like on the pap, which is your most frequent exam. In other words--talk to them and have them give you answers! Sounds as if you're in good shape (physically--mentally, with all of us there are days when...) and they're following you on a very reasonable schedule to pick things up--IF there are recurrences--before they advance. S-K has a great reputation.
Unread 07-04-2002, 07:36 AM

Wow, just knowing that what I feel has a name makes it feel SOOOOOO much more normal Thanks!

Sloan has been great about telling me what to watch for and what they will do. But these stupid emotions just won't listen to reason! But thanks to all of you I am feeling much more normal this morning. The : probably helped too.

to all.

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