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Over 40 with a preschooler Over 40 with a preschooler

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  #21  
Unread 08-31-2002, 06:15 PM
older mom

I'm 47, with a six-year old daughter. I just tell people I'm having my own grandchildren.
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  #22  
Unread 08-31-2002, 08:07 PM
Over 40 with a preschooler

Stressed - I have no problem putting my kids to sleep either - I just lay with them until I fall asleep

Audrey - I went back to work before 4 weeks (with a 1 hour commute each way) just because it was easier than staying home. At work they thought I was magnificent for showing up - at home they thought I was a slug for not washing the floor on my knees (still don't )

"Me" time - well it is between 5 and 6 in the morning, or at lunch or after 10 at night.

But you know - this all will pass. I had a great time in my 20's and DH and I traveled a lot before DS came along. I had a decade of me time and sleep. My husband's grandmother (of blessed memory) who died at 97 and was never happy unless she was rocking a baby while cooking dinner, told me when I was a bleary eyed new mom, that there was plenty of time to sleep when I was dead.

Dorrie
  #23  
Unread 08-31-2002, 08:38 PM
TAH surgery due 9/10...2 yr old son

Hi, DH and I have a very active 2 yr old. One of the things I'm really worried about is our son. DH is staying home for 1st 2 wks of my recovery, then has to go back to work. (I'm a stay at home mom).

Question for those who have already had surgery.

What did you do with your little children during the day? I have some options...sending him to school (but no one there knows him); sending him to inhome daycare (still have to find a good one); have relative fly down to help (means I can't stay in the guest room).

I have friends who said they would help out, but they have little ones of their own. I know for a while I won't be able to pick him up and put him in his crib for a nap...that's the kinda stuff I don't know how to handle.

What to do! I am having such internal arguements with myself I want to recover well and quickly for him, but know this monkey-boy will keep me going.

BTW, I'm 46. We adopted him at birth, and we're in the process of trying to adopt another!
I get the same questions as mentioned in other posts... (grandma?) and he's also bi-racial, so I get some stares sometimes. People can be so ignorant. I just praise God He made our family, because he is the love of our life!

One last thing for those of you looking for playgroups, look on the web at www.mothersandmore.com, as well as check out your local churches. I belong to a local mom's group, and the church mom's group which makes for great playmates (just not a good support group for full day watching)

Whew!

Jan
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  #24  
Unread 09-01-2002, 11:26 AM
Over 40 with a preschooler

Jan,

Everyone is different, but at 2 weeks post, I was able to take care of my kids, pretty much by myself. I got a teenage neighbor to come take the little ones out in the afternoon to play outside. Even a couple hours a day of "play dates" you could pay back later would be a big help. DH just has to know if you are taking care of yourself and the baby, nothing, and I mean nothing (no cleaning, laundry, groceries or dinner) will happen.

I had a transverse abdominal incision and my gyn-onc said lifting my kid carefully a couple times a day would be OK, but no carrying him around, so we spent a lot of time on the floor.

What I could not do is take the baby on any errands (groceries etc). One or the other I could handle, but both would have been a HUGE problem.

Of course, if you are thinking of another child, a playgroup or nursery can be great to help him have a bit wider world before there's an interloper!
  #25  
Unread 09-03-2002, 11:43 AM
Over 40 with a preschooler

Dorrie

I too feel like I am a better mom now then I would have been in my 20's. I did the university thing with stretches of partying and no sleep/ When I had my DS I felt I had done most everything I really wanted to do and that it was time to have a baby. For now, although many disagee with me, my life revolves around my son. When he is older and does not want to be seen with me because it is not cool it will be my turn again. My me time is between 6 and 7 am and at lunch as well. I must say your husbands grandmother offers something to think about. There will be lots of time to sleep when we die.

Stressed
  #26  
Unread 09-05-2002, 10:08 PM
Smile - Over 40 with a preschooler Better Late Than Never

Sorry ladies, I am a bit late here, but I am over 40 and I have a 2 (almost 3 year old) and an 18 year old.. I don't know if just here in Louisiana, but there is a group of us over 40 mother of toddlers that are friends. We didn't plan this, but we all knew each other from our high school days and kind of went our separate ways. Over time we have been reconnecting (more or less because of our toddlers) and it has been great. One lady even has triplets. When we are together it's very nice. No one is trying to impress anyone, for the "Youth Trophy", we are all kind of laid back.
1. We have birthday parties together
2. We discuss the difference in raising our children now vs. 20 years ago
3. Some are new moms, we offer suggestions
4. We discuss the greying affects (hair)
5. We are all old enough to say we are tired.

But I have all kept my friends from my daughters group. They are the "College Moms". My daughter is in college. A couple from other group are there also. But this group actually feels "OLD"!!!

I do enjoy having the best of both worlds. It can be stressful at times, but, what isn't. Strangers usually think my DS is my grandson and my DD is his mother, "because the look just alike", duh, they are sister and brother.
I am not going to say I'm a better mom now than before, but I am more relaxed. I no longer seek perfection. I want what is best for us, and what is most comfortable. For instance, my daughter was potty trained by 1.5 yrs, my son will be 3 in December and we are working on it. He'll be trained before high school.
One must have a sense of humor and Miss Clairol.
  #27  
Unread 09-06-2002, 10:35 AM
Over 40 with a preschooler

SJohnson, that is one thing I've noticed: for the over 40 crowd parenting the younger set, it seems that we are a whole lot more relaxed about it than the younger crowd is.

I have no idea what kind of mother I would have been in my 20's: I was almost 35 when my oldest was born However, I do know that I'm a more relaxed mom than my sister is. She's 10 years younger than I am and her son is 15 months older than my oldest.

Also, she is a lot more competitive where grades and other issues are concerned. I guess that, because our oldest is gifted and that is not such an issue, and because he's also ADHD and behavior is an issue, we're more likely to be happy if he can just stay in school!!!

One thing I know for sure, right now, I really enjoy being a mom and just love being around my kids.
  #28  
Unread 09-06-2002, 11:03 AM
Over 40 with a preschooler

Hi Everyone

I don't know if I am more relaxed because I am an overprotective mom. My DS started school yesterday and I spent the entire day in tears and still feel like crying everytime I think about it. I am learning to let go but it is hard. I am more relaxed about other things. My DS did not start wearing underwear until 2 months before his 4th birthday because he refused and I did not think it was life threatening so I did not fight him. It has been a year now and he only has ever had one night time accicent the second night in underwear. He does still have the odd day time accident because he does not want to leave what he is doing. He went 3 months without one and then bang just last week he did not make it in time. I let him lead me and it usually works. He does what he is ready for. My theory is to think about what he is going or going to do and if it won't matter tomorrow or next year as long as it is not life threatening or immoral or illegal go for it. One thing for sure Inever knew you could love one single person so much.
  #29  
Unread 09-09-2002, 08:12 AM
Over 40 with a preschooler

Stressed,

Everyone does things at their own pace - my pediatrician said to train the baby/child when they asked to be trained

Most kindergartens and even some first grades ask parents to keep a spare set of clothes on hand "in case". Our elementary school has a stash in the nurses office.

You and DS will do just fine.

Dorrie
  #30  
Unread 11-02-2002, 12:04 PM
very interesting!!

Hi:

Such interesting insights!! I have a post on this forum entitled, We're going to adopt!! I am 44, and DH is 46. Dimigio, what you said is hilarious, that you tell people you're having your own grandchildren!! My own mom will be a first time grandma after we adopt. She is 69 and my dad is 70. My DH's parents have grownup grandchildren. Hey, do any of you feel you lack in physical energy to deal with your young children?? Is this a big issue? I, too, feel that we are very ready to be parents now. And, we will probably be much stricter than many parents nowadays.
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