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totally unrelated but........ totally unrelated but........

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Unread 10-13-2002, 03:53 PM
totally unrelated but........

i am just having a terrible day this has little to do with a hysterectromy.. but depression. you see, my sil suddenly passed away 3 months ago today at the age of 32 from a massive brain stroke leaving behind 4 lil girls ages 16, 14, 6 and 17 months old, i am still devastated and shocked all at the same time we were fairly close and she talked to me alot about personal things. i was the first person to see her at the mourgue after her autopsy and i helped the beautician fix her hair and told them how to do her make up, i picked out her nail polish, even held her hand as the painted them. looking at her lying there on the table all swollen and cold and pale was very shocking and terrible for me but i knew no one else in the family could have stood it so i volunteered.. now i'm paying the price. i still see her when i close my eyes. her children are suffering so very much especially her oldest as she is now trying to be mom to her sisters, i am trying as much as i can to help these girls through and i am trying to hold it together for my hubby and his family they are all looking to me to be strong and to get them through this, and its hard as i loved her too and i seen something that you girls can only imagine. i felt the stitches in her lil head from the autopsy and in her belly and i will never forget that as long as i live. i am so sorry i know this has nothing to do with anything on this site but i have no one to talk to about this as i do not wanna upset or hurt my family . thanks for listening and letting me vent.. please pray for these lil girls...
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Unread 10-13-2002, 04:15 PM
totally unrelated but........

Angelwings, you are truly an for trying to hold your family together.

This past May my BIL (hubby's only sibling) took his own life at the age of 36, leaving behind his wife and five year old daughter. Hubby and I were vacationing in San Francisco when this happened so we flew cross country overnight to get to New Jersey. It was horrible to watch my hubby, MIL and SIL fall apart and, like you, I sort of became the rock of strength by default. I made most of the arrangements because no one else was able to.

It is admirable that you want to be strong for your hubby's family but it's also unfair for you to shoulder so much. I don't know anyone who could do it. I started to crack and eventually leaned on my side of the family for support. Please , for your own mental health, find a support system for yourself even if it means calling a therapist or counselor.

Feel free to email me at [email protected] if I can be of further assistance. I wish you all the best.
Unread 10-13-2002, 04:25 PM
much thanks :O)

i really appreciate all you said it meant alot that you cared enuff to answer my post. i just needed to vent today as it is the anniversary of her death and i miss her dearly and i needed to get it out. i am soo sorry about your bil. i lost my favorite uncle and best friend to suicide so i can relate.. god bless you and your family.. thanks..
[email protected]..... anytime
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Unread 10-13-2002, 05:19 PM
totally unrelated but........

Dear Angelwings,

You have certainly been through a rough time. I know how you are feeling. I had a dear best friend who passed away in 1995. We were like sisters. We talked to each other several times a day. When she got sick and was in the hospital it was me who she called and told me what she wanted to be buried in. I had a very hard time dealing with that. When she did die, I was the one who drove her husband to the hospital. Her husband had a very hard time dealing with her death. Her husband had me to lean on and I had no one.

I still think of Rickie often. I often wear an old sweater or nightgown of hers and I feel that she is there and hugging me. If you have something of your sil to cherish, then hug it tight, you will feel her through these objects (I know it sounds silly, but it helps me).

You also need to talk to your husband and let him know your feelings and that you miss her. I might be good for both of you.

I the mean time, God bless you and your family and I will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.
Unread 10-13-2002, 05:47 PM
totally unrelated but........

Sending you some warm thoughts. You are truely a good wife, daughter, and friend. It's time to take care of you now too so you can care for others. I thought this link might help.

Come here and vent anytime. The is always on. Karlene
Unread 10-13-2002, 06:27 PM
totally unrelated but........

Dear Angelwings:
I am so sorry what you had to go through. And I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to a stroke, and so I understand how devastating a stroke can be. Thinking of you and your family and wishing you many blessings this Thanksgiving. It takes time to deal with this great loss. Just be gentle with yourself, okay, be proud of yourself for being there, when no one else could cope.
Love Sandy s
Lavh for severe prolapse
Unread 10-13-2002, 09:25 PM
with heartfelt thanks....

it means the world to me that you have took the time to answer me..its getting better but still very painful. i have lost many many people inmy life and i guess they all think i can deal withit better because of that.. but it hurts me as well. i'm not made of stone i hurt too as well as having to deal with the things i witnessed for them, myself and my sil. i am both torn and proud to have been the one to got her ready for viewing. it was something special i could do for not only tammy but also for myself... time will heal my heart i'm sure but i miss her
Unread 10-14-2002, 09:55 AM
totally unrelated but........

Hi angel,
We have a new Forum for Resources at the top of the message boards. In there under Aching Hearts, is a book about dealing with loss and a wonderful review by one of our alumni Hostesses, princessh. I really think you would benefit from this. Just thinking of you...... have a great day! Karlene
Check this out!!!!!!
Unread 10-14-2002, 10:15 AM

i visited that site but it would not let me post.. so. i emailed the hostess. thanks for info on it...
Unread 10-14-2002, 03:18 PM
totally unrelated but........

Dear Angelwings:
It's okay to be hurt and sad. Allow yourself time to grieve, and to heal from your losses. Don't give up, you are a very special person. And in my opinion, it's totally normal to miss someone you loved so dearly. Hope you feel a bit better today,
Love and s,
Lavh for severe prolapse

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