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Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

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  #1  
Unread 11-12-2002, 12:26 PM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

I am really frustrated with my daughter she is the oldest of our four children she is a good girl very pretty not into boys is on the dance team and is working on a scholorship for dance to go to college but she allways has her hand out for money and turns down babysitting jobs we try to tell her that if she wants things she will have to start working for it not a job job because she is working towards her education but just a few babysitting jobs she is lazy at home and seems to really have no ambition to earn a little money.

Any suggestion?




I am so glad I found this part of hyster sisters.
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  #2  
Unread 11-12-2002, 03:52 PM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

Well mom...being the mother of two daughters ( and two sons, the oldest) its called tough love. Our oldest daughter calls us "The 1st National Bank of Mom and Dad"... She has very quickly learned she needs to pick her priorities as we are not going to fund her social life. She wants to work, but she is very involved in church, school ministries and keeping her grades up for college. I struggle with the necessity of school commitments and appreciating the focus she has of living a Christian life versus "okay, lets get a job and grow up.. welcome to the real world" My husband and I can afford to "fund" her movies and occasional concerts --all christian artists. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she really is focused on her goal of becoming a worthwhile benefit to society...how do you argue with that? It is always in the back of my mind that maybe I should force her to get a job and yet I look towards the long term...she will be an awesome benefit to society! I guess the best I can offer is look towards what your daughter's goals are and decide what's best for the long run. And of course, ya'll need to look at your finances. My mom couldn't afford to give us things when my dad left...I worked and so did my brother and paid her rent throughout high school We survived! Hope this provided food for thought.
  #3  
Unread 11-12-2002, 05:41 PM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

Your absolutly right! We are looking at the long term goal she is trying to achieve our agreement with her was that she will not have to have an after school and weekend job we would just like it if she would do some occational babysitting that would give her a flexable schedual for her dance and performances and give her some extra cash. We can afford all of her extras but I guess I see a young women that can contribute to herself and her pocket book instead of waiting for everyone else to pay for it. She is right now no doubt our most expensive child (with no help from her father) and she has felt guilty about us paying out so much for her but that was not very long lived and now we are back to square one. It is just very frustrating to get her motivated to do this for herself.
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  #4  
Unread 11-13-2002, 04:16 PM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

Michelle, right now my daughter is in college. She almost did not graduate from High School, and when she did she worked for a year. So we are very happy to pay her college and as long as her grades are good, give her spending money.
However, she does do some babysitting. She is in college for early childhood education and loves children.
Perhaps babysitting is not your daughter's "thing"?
When my daughter was 15 she wouldn't be caught dead babysitting, that was the "mode" she was in.
Perhaps she could get a Satuday morning receptionist job at the local dance school?
Pam
  #5  
Unread 01-07-2003, 05:09 PM
$$$$$

Michele - I have two teenage daughter/drivers at my house plus younger son. The oldest finally killed the old car we had nursed along for them to drive by making a non-experienced driver's error. So now, there is no daughter's car. They are learning first hand about driving caution and really wanting since they are dependent on DH and I for transportation again. My DH and I have gone 'round and 'round about the job issue. My inlaws felt I was such a scrooge that they give all of the grandkids $10 per month so my children would have pocket money like the other grandkids do. We decided that we would fund 1 large activity ( like church camp or band camp) per child per year. Both girl's are excellent students and have a good collection of friends. They have given us no grief. For the smaller ticket items, (movies here are $3 all the time), it's more of a barter system. Movie $ - mopping the main level floors. New clothing item - we pay half up to $20 and they have to save the rest as well as cleaning one of the bathrooms properly. My Dh has work a 40 hr. or more week since he was 14 and strongly feels that there is more than enough time left in their lives to work but they are only children once. Between birthdays and Christmas, my children have all they need. I think wanting for something is not a bad idea. I think the kids have enough material things anyway and what we try for is as much family time at home as possible - they are only young once
  #6  
Unread 01-08-2003, 07:19 AM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

Wow Michele!!!!


Your post could have been mine!!!

I have a DD that just turned 18 in sept. She is still a senior in high school and is doing wonderfully. She like yours is very active in school and holds several positions as an officer in each of her activities. We are now on the Collage trip and doing all that goes with that.

I to have had a heck of a time trying to get her to understand the value of a dollar. She seems to think it's growing on a tree outside somewhere. I have always told her her education was the most important to me and going to collage and have never before pushed the "you gotta earn it" till now. I have this fear that she will go off to school somewhere and have no idea how to fend for herself if something was to happen to me.

I had told her just before Thanksgiving that this year I was NOT going to pay for her friends christmas presents and she was old enough to do that on her own now. I was glad I did. She had a hard time with it at first as mom sure wasn't giveing anything that wasn't related to school. ( I think she thought I was kidding) I watched her go thru the Interview process and all she learned from that alone. She did get a job in a childerens clothing store and has loved the independence it has given her. Mom can no longer say no to going to the movies, buying that new belt, or using the car. She has learned that gas costs money as do tolls...( it's her social life she pays for it) She likes being able to go shopping with her friends and knowing if she see's something she likes she can buy without mom saying "WHAT?"... She has even learned to be a smart shopper looking for items on sale and not spending 35$ on one top but three.

It hasn't been easy to say no and watch her sit home when she has no money to dinner/movies with friends because I stopped footing the bill. But it has been worth it. She has learned time management, compassion for those that work 40 hours, and has also learned to appreciate when I do give her money for going that extra step to help me out. It means more now.

It took awhile...and not without it's frustrations...but I think in the long run it was very well worth it.



Dawn
  #7  
Unread 01-26-2003, 10:12 AM
idea for you

A couple of years ago my SD came to live with us for a while; she was 13 at the time. I was used to her being here for the summer, but having her here for school was a big difference. We had a lot of adjustments to make, as I had never had to deal with a school-age child, and she was used to her mother doing everything for her. We got off to a pretty rocky start because she expected me to clean her room, and, get this, do her homework for her, while she sat around talking to her friends on the phone, planning overnight stays, what they were going to wear to the next dance, etc, etc. Well, I knew I had to put a stop to it right away. My solution? A reward chart. I took a posterboard and down the side I wrote chores for her to do, (making her bed, washing the dishes, cleaning her room, etc). I also put things such as making 100% on a test, reading a book, helping a neighbor with chores, etc. She earned so many tokens, (I used poker chips), for each thing she done without having to be asked. She could then use those tokens as money to buy a half hour of telephone time, an overnight stay with a friend, a new CD, etc. It taught her not only the value of money, but the value of giving, as she earned more respect for others in the process.

I don't know if this would work on an older child, but it sure did wonders for my SD. She lives with her mother now, and has become much more responsible, I like to believe, as a result of my determination and patience.

Good luck to you! I heard somewhere that rearing a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree. I guess we all could use some luck and prayer!
  #8  
Unread 02-03-2003, 02:10 AM
Talking - Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl Teenage girls!

Hi there
I am blessed with two teenage daughters! The oldest is 18 and the youngest 15. Both girls do well in school, have a lot of great friends, and are both polite and outgoing. I am very fortunate to have such caring kids. The youngest was having a little problem with money for a while, but we fixed this little problem in a hurry. She also had a little problem with selective hearing. She would want to go places and do things with her friends and had that little hand out for money all the time. When I would ask her to do something for me, of course she either didn't hear me, or forgot! I finally got to the point where when she wanted something, I either didn't hear her, or I forgot. Now she does chores around the house and concentrates on her school work. She knows now that if her chores aren't done or she forgets, mom forgets too. So far this little strategy has been working. It is a give and take situation. She has also been encouraged to save some of her hard earned money too and has done very well with that.
Now that she is helping out around the house and yard, she does great at that, but she still doesn't like to clean her room! But, I guess I can't have everything!
Good luck and keep the faith and when all else fails, go to the store and bribe her with chocolate! Usually works every time!\

Sherri
  #9  
Unread 02-03-2003, 11:44 AM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

I think I am a few years too late for this conversation.. As you ladies are learning the hard way, you have to start young! Teaching kids about the value of a dollar has to come when they are pretty young, otherwise they hit their teens and their hands automatically snap out at attention for the mighty money machine to dole it out.

My older son is 18 and bought his own first car when he was 15. I told him that if he saved enough money, I would throw in half of the money for it. Turns out that I paid 1/3 of it and he paid me back within a year. It was too good of a deal to pass up and he worked hard to fix it up (72 Dodge Dart). When he turned 17, he bought a VW bus and now drives that around. He sold the Dart back to me and now I have a cool kid car to drive LOL

My younger son is going to be 16 next month. He decided that he would rather have a really nice guitar and saved for years for that. He bought it right after Christmas, on sale and got a great deal on a really great bass and amp.

I never had money when they were younger. I had to look for deals, sales, clearance racks. Our food was scarce and every penny counted. I took them with me and we counted out the money and figured out what we could afford. Every extra bit of change went into a bank and we saved that for our Christmas presents. We saved enough each year for one nice, big gift for ourselves (usually a game console, Nintendo, etc).

For anyone reading this with young kiddoz.. start it now.. kids learn by doing. Give them a budget and let them figure out how they want the money spent. Show them that a package of mac n cheese costs $1.29 and gets you one meal, but a bag of mac and a package of cheese costs $4.00 and gets you several meals, plus cheese sandwiches and snacks for days on end!

as for the teens who can't seem to realize that money doesn't fall out of ATMs for free. Give them a budget and make them stick to it. Don't buy their haircare products, soap and toiletries for them. Give them the money and let them know that coupons go a long way, sales should be looked at closely and the bigger the bottle, the cheaper per ounce. Have them balance your checkbook, have them budget the monthly bills.. have them help you with your income tax returns! Get them involved with the real life issues surrounding money. Give them a taste of what it is like to have to pay for everything that comes into the house and account for every penny that goes out.

Most people learn by doing.. they won't learn by telling or by nagging.. that just drives them further into denial. Mom is just a nag since she tells us how much this and that costs, yet always has enough money for *her own* stuff. Show them the money, show them where it goes. It's amazing what happens when kids learn just how much a paycheck has on it, how much is taken away in taxes (my 18 year old was flabbergasted about his first paycheck) and how much a mortgage payment is and yes, it is EVERY month that it costs that much LOL!
  #10  
Unread 02-03-2003, 12:36 PM
Creative ways to disapline a teenage girl

Just a funny note here:

My neice upon receiving her first paycheck, called her Mother and told her to call the goverment and tell them she wasn't going to pay any taxes. And she wasn't kidding. She was very upset when she realized that $250.00 per week was before Uncle Sam got his cut. She truly thought her Mom could "fix" it.

I have a 14 yr old DD who is constantly wanting money. We've set her up on a schedule for household cleaning, she does "x" to help out on household chores every week w/o being reminded and she gets $20.00. She does not get paid to clean her own room and bathroom. Those are things she must do. She gets paid to help out with all the chores me and her stepdad do every week. The result is that her room is a mess. She made a deal with her stepdad last nite that if she doesn't have to do the dish washer anymore than she will concentrate more on her room. So, he's picking up kitchen duty in exchange for the room. Did I mention that he has a hard time rinsing a dish before throwing it in the sink..This should be interesting!!!!!!!
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