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kind of personal....no desire kind of personal....no desire

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  #1  
Unread 11-14-2002, 06:05 AM
kind of personal....no desire

Ok. Ever since I was diagnosed with cervical carcinoma and CINIII, severe displasia, and since my first procedure (leep) I have had zero desire for sex. I've had a CKC and have another scheduled for Nov. 29th. I hate to even bring this up but it's becoming a problem and I can't figure out why I feel or don't feel this way. This sounds crazy but I feel like my body has sort of betrayed me and also, probably because when I my primary care doctor (who is no longer) about my diagnosis in the beginning he said "This condition is Eve's curse. Nuns don't get cervical cancer.". Can you belive he said it? Anyway, that didn't help the siuation.

Has anyone else had this problem?
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  #2  
Unread 11-14-2002, 11:18 AM
kind of personal....no desire

Hi jlgfhl, I just wanted to give you a and tell you you're not alone. I don't know if it will help you or not, but this thread helped a lot of ladies here a little while back:

https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/sho...ght=anyone+sex

I'm sorry the DR was so insensitive as to say that to you, and glad he's not your DR anymore.
s,
-Linda
  #3  
Unread 11-14-2002, 12:07 PM
Un-Believable

OMG!! I can't believe that dr said that. That comment was totally un-necessary and insensitive.
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  #4  
Unread 11-14-2002, 02:14 PM
kind of personal....no desire

A truly JERK of a doctor!!!

That's all I can say. As for your sex drive, you'll get it back
  #5  
Unread 11-14-2002, 04:44 PM
kind of personal....no desire



I'm sorry you are feeling so bad, and that your doctor was insensitive to your position. Actually, your doctor is not totally correct--even virgins can get cervical cancer (it's just very rare).

In the majority of cases, cervical cancer and dysplasia are caused by the Human Papillomavirus. It is a sexually transmitted infection that probably 50-80% of women carry. Most women are never symptomatic with it--only a few of us seem to lack the ability to fight it off. So, it's very important that you get your immune system in tip-top shape! Take a multivitamin, get lots of sleep, eat well, get exercise, meditate or pray. All of those have been shown to improve the immune function. There is also some evidence that folic acid is a big help in the fight against this situation.

As far as desire, well, I think it's kind of hard to feel very sexually interested when your female parts are on the "fritz". There's a lot to be worried about. The procedures are painful. The recovery (from LEEP or CKC) can take a lot of your energy. Waiting on results is absolutely exhausting! Wondering what the future holds also saps your strength--is it cancer? Are there more procedures? Am I going to be fighting this forever? It's just a lot for a woman to deal with. And then we think we are going to feel interested in sex? With all this stress? And with someone telling us we have "Eve's curse"?

I also felt very betrayed by my body, and I also felt like I had let myself down somehow. That I hadn't been taking good care of myself or that I'd made bad choices. So, I really beat myself up for a while. Then, eventually, with the help of my sisters here and a good kick to myself, I realized that all I can do is affect my future. And I started eating better, and resting better, and taking my vitamins, and doing my yoga, and I feel better than ever! And I do have a sex drive again. So, now I just figure I had an early wake up call. And I'm taking advantage of it.

Good luck! I hope your procedure goes well on November 29!

<--- you deserve a second one!
  #6  
Unread 11-15-2002, 04:48 AM
kind of personal....no desire

Your EX-doctor deserves a kick in the place that corresponds to where his verbal kick hit you! (Subtle enough? )

My gyn-onc (whom I am stuck with for a list of reasons) is a jerk as well. I first saw him while recovering from my CKC which had a slight infection. He informed me that when I returned in a couple of weeks to have CT scan and decide what we were going to do, he'd examine me and "give it the ole sniff test." Well, you can imagine how clean, pretty, and generally overall sexually attractive I felt after that. I think they have no clue how much these off-handed remarks impact us.

Anyway, I too am having problems with the sex drive now. I realize the psychological reasons for it, and I think that intellectually my DBF does too, but it is still causing problems. I have basically told him that I'm sorry, I know it affects him too, but we are stuck here right now (and for an untold time in the future) and he needs to make a choice to either feel sorry for himself or support me. He's trying hard, but I see in his eyes that he's suffering too. Men are wired so differently from us, so they can't really understand NOT wanting sex for anything other that physical inability. It makes them feel rejected.

This cancer/hysterectomy roller coaster is a never ending joy, isn't it? And you and I are just in line, we haven't even boarded the thrill ride yet! Hang in there. You've come to the right place. I am continually amazed by all the supportive women here, and how much they truly care about one another.

  #7  
Unread 11-16-2002, 06:47 AM
kind of personal....no desire

's to you!

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such callous (sp?) comments thrown into what you're already dealing with.

Jeanine described it perfectly! Please don't beat yourself up on what you should or should not be feeling. Allow yourself and your body time to deal with everything. Things will fall into place when they're ready.

I hope everything goes well for you on the 29th. Please keep us posted on how it goes.

{{hugs}}

Vicki
  #8  
Unread 11-16-2002, 07:42 AM
You are not alone

I too feel betrayed by my body, in the fact that I have no desire to do anything. This has been since my diagnosis of possible ovarian cancer. My dh wants it and I want it for him, but I just know that I won't enjoy it. As far as your former doctor he is a jerk. I have been diagnosed with cervical cancer Stage 2 and am not going to let this beat me. I have to go thru chemo and radiation, but am going to preservere
  #9  
Unread 11-16-2002, 04:32 PM
kind of personal....no desire



I think many of us have unreasonable expectations about sexuality after surgery. You know after childbirth, docs release moms to have sex after 6 weeks, but very few moms feel up to it, and not all enjoy it. Those feelings come back, but they come back on their own timetable and there's not too much you can do to speed it along.

I know that it was a full six months before I wanted sex, and a few months more before things felt as normal as before my hyst. In the meantime, I do think there is mind-body connection at work here, so I would avoid all things and people that made me feel my body was inferior and actively seek things (yoga, bubble baths - watever) that make my body feel good.

As for that *&?! of a doc, if he couldn't explain the causes of cervical cancer as plainly and sensitively as Jeanine did, he should just keep his mouth shut.



Dorrie
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