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The Control Factor The Control Factor

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Unread 11-16-2002, 10:53 PM
The Control Factor - PLEASE READ!

As I look back, I feel the most frightening thing about the entire scenario was the fact that I felt like I had no control. All of a sudden, you're speaking with gynos and surgeons and throwing words at you and, well, SCARING you! You come away from these appointments and feel bewildered, like you've been smacked on the head. What does it all mean? Do I really need this? Why are they rushing me into this? Why are they scaring me like this?

The common denominator is the word "ME" All of a sudden, you are not a person anymore, you're April 24th, 2002 at 10:45 a.m. Total Abdominal Hysterectomy (that was "me"). These professionals are all around you and you are made to move through this maze of medical terms and rather impersonal personnel who do this every day.

And all of a sudden, you don't seem to have any control over your life anymore. I am a control FREAK. I need control so that I know exactly where I'm going, what I'm doing and that it will be ME driving. It's like I moved into the passenger seat and let a complete stranger drive. It's uneasy, to be sure. It's frightening. There's no "ME" anymore: there's just another scheduled Hyst on the OR boards.

How can one gain any semblence of control when everything is coming at you from 100 different directions and casting your normally ordered life into complete chaos? You take control of how YOU deal with it. I made myself stay calm and took control of my mind set. I was scared and nervous and wary, but I concentrated on waking up in the recovery room. I concentrated on "IT" being all over and then THEY would no longer be in control, *I WOULD*!

I vowed to be a good Princess and do whatever it took to heal properly. As tough as it sometimes was, I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to. This was in MY control. So when you feel like you're situation is spinning away from you, concentrate on the things that YOU CAN control. Let "THEM" take the helm until it's all over and done with. Then it's all back to you. Start thinking about what you can control and concentrate on it. It will help you get through.

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Unread 11-17-2002, 05:42 AM
The Control Factor

Thank you!
Unread 11-17-2002, 06:58 AM
The Control Factor

Hi, you are so right! That is exactly how I felt, kind of like "case # So & so " instead of Jean so & so . But I did get excellent care and that made it better. Thanks for sharing your feelings , you hit the nail right on the head! s
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Unread 11-17-2002, 08:15 AM
The Control Factor

your post summed it up so well. i would also like to add about how my family reacted to my hyst. my dh proved to be more wonderful than origionally thought . my family (especially my dh) waited on me hand and foot and made sure i didn't do anything i wan't supposed to with constant "can i get you anythings?" my dh even slept on an air mattress on the bedroom floor for a few days til i gave him the "ok" to come back in our bed. i felt completely humiliated and humbled as i am the MOM...i do for everyone else...not everyone doing for me. this whole hyst thing had many plusses and minuses but i'll tell family appreciates me more than i ever knew. and just an update....15 mths after surgery....everything is back to normal just the way i want it.
Unread 11-17-2002, 09:02 AM
The Control Factor


Thanks so much for sharing this! You hit the nail on the head about how I felt and how I got through my surgery. I set my mind to what I knew I could control. I also did a lot of visualization those last few days before when I was feeling anxious. I visualized the OR, the surgeon, the medical team, the instruments, all there helping and supporting me through my surgery. It really did help to take the edge off. When I woke up in recovery, I was literally smiling with relief and gratitude!

Unread 11-17-2002, 12:03 PM
The Control Factor

Thank you lovely Sisters!

I feel this information and these feelings are shared by ALL sisters, and our ladies-in-waiting should read this to know that they are not alone!

I've read so many posts recently by our ladies-in-waiting that were expressing the loss of control and the scariness of the whole thing, I really thought this would help.

Unread 11-17-2002, 03:44 PM
The Control Factor

This is an awesome thread! While I was reading it, I was thinking that it could be aplied to our lives as woman, on a daily basis. Great insight NorthernWolf Karlene
Unread 11-17-2002, 06:58 PM
The Control Factor

Wow Karlene,

I never even thought of that! LOL! I was so wrapped up in my feelings from my Castle experience, I never stopped to look at it that way. Hmmmm. I see what you're saying. It's true! LOL!

Unread 11-17-2002, 07:09 PM
The Control Factor

Great post, Northernwolf!

From one control freak to another your post really spoke to me! I had that same bewildered feeling, particularly in the hospital after surgery. I just could not get oriented to what their schedule was (sure wasn't MY schedule) and what was going to happen when. I think your advice for all the LIW is just great.

Unread 11-17-2002, 07:34 PM
The Control Factor

I have to admit that I can see where you are coming from. This, so far, has been a unique experience for me.
I work for an ob/gyn, and one of my (many):0) duties is to schedule surgery. It is a great eye opener to be the 'schedulee' rather than a 'scheduler'. I had the honor of scheduling my own surgery!!! My doctor(boss) offered to have someone else do it, but I thought it would help me connect more with our patients to go through the whole process myself. Although I am big on making patients feel important and not just a 'number', you have no idea how someone feels until you go through it yourself. By the time all of this is over, I will be able to add more to the 'surgery process' in our office!


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