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How can I get loving hubby to help? How can I get loving hubby to help?

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Unread 01-02-2003, 09:24 AM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Hi there!

I'm new and it looks like I have a month until my hyster. My name is Danielle. This is a great website! Thanks to all of you that have contributed. So many of my questions have already been answered.
There is one question that is staring me in the face, though. My dh, who is otherwise loving and supportive, does not seem to think that the housework will be much of a problem while I recover. I told him that I would be unable to do anything for three weeks, and his response was that if we all clean up after ourselves, and I make sure that our 9 y.o. dd cleans up her messes (she's the creative type), and the laundry doesn't pile up; everything will be fine. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out, because I know that I will be sitting around in a messy house, driving myself and the both of them crazy!
So, any thoughts on how to get dh to see the big picture? Dd will have some serious training this month (we're homeschoolers, so she will be HERE for the recovery time, and not off at school- pros and cons on that one!)

Mostly, I'm frustrated w/ dh, because he gave up on keeping things clean after three *days* of my cone biopsy recovery time; so I can't imagine three *weeks*. Yikes!

Thanks for your help!
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Unread 01-02-2003, 11:12 AM
How can I get loving hubby to help?


Welcome to Hystersisters! You will find all manner of stories & support on this site. It is a very diverse group of kind & caring women.

I'm afraid I can't help you much on ideas to get your Dh to help more. My Dh had surgery earlier in the year himself, so I felt VERY guilty asking him to do anything! He made sure the minimum got done; i.e. laundry, meals, trash. I just resigned myself to the fact that everything else could wait until I was able to get to it again.

I have worked slowly back into my normal routine. Even though things got a bit untidy, it cleaned up pretty well once I was able to get moving again.

s Try not to get too stressed out about it all. Take care.
Unread 01-02-2003, 11:18 AM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Well, I surely hope that he will change his mind after you have your surgery. I would say for him to go to pre op appointment with you and ask the Doctor these questions in front of him, such as house cleaning, etc. And then maybe this will open his eyes. I went to my 3 week post op on Monday, and Doctor still told me to becareful about lifting, etc. You still are not healed at 3 weeks and you could do more harm to yourself and have a longer recovery time if you do to much to soon. I don't now if you are having a vaginal or abdominal? My was TAH and I still to this day haven't vacumed or mopped. My Mom and Grandmother just left from cleaning my house. I'm having a problem with part of my incision not healing well, and I surely don't want to make it worse, as I'm planning on going back to work in 3 weeks. Best of luck to you.
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Unread 01-02-2003, 11:21 AM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Hi Danielle!

Will your hubby go with you to your pre-op appointment? Mine went with me and was able to have his own questions answered about my surgery, plus, hear out of the Dr's mouth how long to expect recovery to last, what you will and will not be able to do at first, etc.

Also, here is some great information you can share with him, that might help him to realize exactly what is involved and how best to support you.

Hysterectomy FAQ for Family and Friends

Hope this helps!

Unread 01-02-2003, 12:15 PM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Hi, Danielle here,

In reply to your welcomed responses:

It will be a TAH on Feb 10th (I just rec'vd my date at the castle )

My family lives half way aross the country (US). So, I don't think Mom will be coming to help Actually, she asked me to wait until April, if I needed her help, so she did offer, but I can't wait that long. You all are very blessed to have mothers and grandmothers helping! And I don't really feel comfortable asking our friends to come do the housework, although I would say yes to someone if they offered.

I am considering a one time maid service to come in at the end of the second week or early in the third week That would be a real treat!

I think he may be able to get off work early for the pre-op appt. Thanks for the great idea!

Thanks to all
Unread 01-02-2003, 12:22 PM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Hi Danielle!

Welcome to hysterSisters! The first thing I thought of when I read your post was to get one of those "wipe off" calendars and stick it to the fridge. Put a list of "chores" they each have to perform for each day. Dh was right when he said that if they don't let the laundry pile up, it will be okay. Write on it that every other day, they should do laundry. On the days they're not doing laundry, they should vacuum and dust. On every day put do dishes and pick up after yourselves. You can think of creative ways to do that. I think when it's in writing, right in front of them, it will be a good reminder.

Prior to surgery, you can freeze a bunch of dinners so they won't be whining about what's for supper and laziness won't kick in. For lunches, your daughter should be able to make a sandwich or heat up a can of soup or something for both of you.

Let dd and dh know that you are NOT allowed to do ANY lifting, pushing, pulling or stretching. You will be dependent upon them for a little while until you recover. Ask your dh to put himself in your shoes. If HE was having major surgery (yes, it IS major surgery!) what would his expectations be? Of course, it would be to rest and recover. Perhaps he can come with you to the pre-op appointment! You can also print out a list of family information from the main page of Hyster Sisters. That's helpful!

You'll do fine, hon. Don't fret if things don't get done. Housework and laundry will ALWAYS be there. You need to be able to relax and just go with the flow for a while. This is about YOU and your recovery. Keep posting and stop in to chat too! Lots of lovely, helpful, knowledgeable ladies there!

Unread 01-02-2003, 04:18 PM

This is a perfect opportunity to show your family what you do for them on a daily basis, and what life would be like without you around. Take full advantage of this, it will most probably be the only opportunity for you to do this with a great excuse!!!LOL Best wishes for a quick recovery!! I also have the attitude that you should never cry over anything that can't cry over you. This would include a perfectly kept house.

Unread 01-02-2003, 06:11 PM
Make lists, and stay in your room

All kidding will need a Honey-Do list. Start them NOW doing what you think has to be done to keep the house the way you want. But also just allow it to lapse for a while. And keep lists of Shopping, Chores...print them BIG on a pc and post them somewhere (Tues: Change Cat's Litter Box; Wed: Change Bedsheets; Thurs: Change Bathtowels; Fri: Laundry)...that sort of thing.

Don't make yourself crazy now. Menfolk (sorry menfolk) HAVE NO CLUE what's involved to keep a home running. NO CLUE. You will NOT be able to go up and down stairs, carry things (like laundry or toys), will NOT Be able to push a broom or vaccum, will NOT be able to bend over to wipe or scrub things, will NOT be able to go shopping.


You can have fun now, making lists of what you do NOW and turn it into a job description........and freak hubby out.

Unread 01-02-2003, 06:58 PM
How can I get loving hubby to help?

Okay, here is my hype about Hystersisters! Order the!! Start reading it immediately and share the stories with your DH. I had the same worries, but I would sit on the couch reading my book and then I'd say, "Jeff, listen to this....", "Jeff, did you know...", "Jeff, she has almost the same story as me...",etc. And LEAVE THE BOOK LAYING AROUND! This will show him how much it is on your mind and he might start taking heed. Also, discuss with him things you read on this site and make sure he SEES you on the computer.

My hubby really pulled through for me! For my part, I am overlooking the fact that the floor needs to be vacuumed and the laundry really isn't done the way I would do it. I WILL NOT complain on how things are being done (this is new for me), and I just turn a blind eye. I like this trait and I plan to keep it!:key:

The guys really like to be needed. Suck it up and let him pamper you ... he will!

By the way, re-read the book after your is great toilet reading material when you are sitting there trying to let nature take it's corse and not push!

Good Luck...

Unread 01-04-2003, 09:32 AM
Thank you!!!!

Hi Sisters!

Thank you for all of the great ideas! I've formulated a plan using your suggestions and resolved myself to putting on the blinders as needed

Your support has been very helpful! Yesterday I felt sunny all day


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