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My life is in shambles! My life is in shambles!

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Unread 01-14-2003, 05:21 PM
My life is in shambles!

I am really needing some spirit boosting right now. I just feel like my life is in shambles!!! I chose NOT to return to my job -- this was based on some horrific ethical issues that I just couldn't handle being a part of. I know this was the right decision. However, I am now without income and without insurance and continue to have medical problems. I have gained SO MUCH weight during the hyst and recovery. I can't "exercise" or even be very active because I have such severe leg/hip/back/joint pain (supposedly fibro -- however, I am still not sure about that). I walked 1/2 mile the other day and spent the entire weekend in bed regrouping. Then there is my ex husband who is doing everything within his power (and believe me, he thinks he has quite a bit of it as a state cop) to make my life a living hell! I AM SO STRESSED!! I don't feel like I can take another minute of it physically or emotionally and don't know where to turn. My BF is wonderful, but I am dealing with so much that I know I am rather hard to get along with right now. Help me sisters!! And thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 01-14-2003, 06:49 PM
My life is in shambles!


Here is a great big & ! I am ing for you!

God Bless!
Unread 01-14-2003, 09:44 PM
My life is in shambles!

I'm so sorry to hear about the problems you are having.

Please, please think positive thoughts. And know that in due time things will work out. Also please believe that your ex will reap what he's sowing.

You will get through this.
Please, please don't give up.

You are in my prayers.

Polly Puff
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Unread 01-15-2003, 04:00 AM

Geesh girl! I would be overwhelmed too!

The only thing that helps me is too chunk the big problem down to its base components and attack them one at a time. You are an intelligent woman, you can think your way thru all this, I know.

Job, health, ex-dh, wow!

Health is obviously first, but you have the lack of insurance thing going. What can you do to help yourself using strategies that don't involve a doc and don't cost much?

Job, figure that out as you have the health and energy to deal. You found this job, you probably found other jobs in the past, you know how to do this.

Ex-dh , I know this is a hard one since you have kids involved, but think how aggravated he will be if you can manage to detach from his headgames? Limit your interaction with him as much as possible.

Hang in there! You are going to make it!
Unread 01-15-2003, 12:13 PM
My life is in shambles!

Natalie-- we all have a WONDERFUL sister in you! You always manage to lift my spirits with your posts! I am trying so hard not to let the ex see that he has any affect on me. Hopefully, that will take the fun out of his game and he'll find other things to do. Having kids with him does make it hard, especially considering he has physical custody of our 15 year old.

I am trying to work on the health thing on my own when I feel up to it. Mainly trying to figure out what triggers the pain and stay away from that and also what helps it and make a point to do those things. Today is not a good day -- bladder is having extreme fits!! I have realized that caffeine and alcohol are still a no-no as far as that is concerned. I have to run to town for a bit, but other than that plan to do quite a bit of otherwise. Luckily the kids go to their dad's tonight and I've got a good book on hand.

How true that I was looking for a job when I found the one I just quit! And I do have experience and education going for me. With the health concerns, I don't think working full-time right now is an option right now anyway. And I definitely don't need the added stress of staying where I was would have been good on me. I just need someone to remind me of these things now and then.

Unfortunately, it all feels like a vicious cycle and I don't even have a clue where to start to break it. So glad I have you sisters!! Because of you, I know I am not alone and at least one person has been where I am now.
Unread 01-15-2003, 12:25 PM
I need to turn you on to transactional analysis LOL!

Showing my advanced age, but anyone remember the "I'm okay, You're Okay" books from the seventies? Brilliant stuff there even if it is passe, but it breaks down the headgames people play to get their healthy and unhealthy needs met. Susan Forward and Lillian Glass also have written some really down-to-earth books about dealing with toxic people and situations.

I dunno about anyone else, but with my crone-dom and sudden menopause, I just don't have the willingness to tolerate bull anymore. I've realized my energy is a finite quantity and I conserve it for the important areas of my life. Play it true or don't play with me at all.

Favorite bumper sticker: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine

Second favorite bumper sticker: Deja Moo, where have I heard this bull before?
Unread 01-15-2003, 05:05 PM
My life is in shambles!

's Vicki!
<sigh> Why oh why do men always pick the worst times to act like infants? Ok you are just going to have to ignore this guy the best you can for now. I don't know exactly what it is that he is doing, but, maybe if you can make some kind of list. Detail the things you can ignore and things you have to address where he is concerned. When he starts on a verbal ramble try to use statements that will close the conversation such as "I understand everything you've said, I have to go now." I have an abusive person in my family who just loooooves to verbally ramble on me, and I've learned to get OFF that phone as fast as I can. Retain the information you need from dh and throw the rest in the garbage can. You just don't need that right now.

Would working from home ever be an option for you? My sister works for herself...although she has to leave home do to her speech therapy. She took out blue cross/blue shield insurance. It's never real cheap but at least she has coverage. My sister's husband is in the Air Force reserves so sometimes his insurance lapses..she goes through all of this, too. Insurance stresses her out big-time. Whenever her husband's insurance lapses because of his air force duties, she takes out blue cross/blue shield for a month or two.

Just so you know you're not alone...I ate too many cheat-o's yesterday and I feel like a beached whale today. I needed some comfort food, and today I'm paying for it. I also drank a Mountain Dew and today my bladder is really ticked at me. I've tried to do some kind of activity each week but the wind chill was -6 this's colder than you-know-what here and hard to get outside to walk.

((MeDh))...You're killing me! Those bumber stickers...wish I could use the "lack of planning" line on some of my clients.

Don't be too hard on yourself Vicki, I know it's easier said than done.
Unread 01-15-2003, 11:38 PM
My life is in shambles!

Vicki and Jeannie -

Oh my sisters...... you are not alone. I feel so bad for you, for us... it makes the whole recovery thing seem to get blown into oblivion. I mean how the heck are we supposed to be recovering when we keep having to fight! People like that wanna kick you when you're down, it gives them a sense of power. I am so mad, I wish we could hook up and start some kind of group to help people like us in situations like ours. I'm not making a whole lot of sense, I'm tired and crabby and sore - but more than sick, I feel like someone is always rubbing salt into our wounds. As a group, we are harder to beat. We gotta stick together in this. None of us are all that far apart (distance-wise) that we couldn't make this thing work if we put our heads together. We'll talk more about it after I chill out... or I'm gonna set fire to this screen. I love you both, so much! Hang tight, I'm on the other end of your hand! X

Love to you all, especially to my sisters listed above. E me or PM me if you need to, any time.... doesn't matter when! We'll beat this thing, just like we always do somehow. Keep the faith, and we'll make it work.

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