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Sad and feel selfish Sad and feel selfish

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Unread 01-16-2003, 08:30 AM
Sad and feel selfish

I have written before, I had surgery with Dr. Albee Dec 11, and have no pain, but told I have pelvic adhesion disease and my chances of having surgery on a regular basis, every year or 2 to clean out adhesions.

Anyway, I feel very selfish and ashamed. I have 2 very healthy children, and so sad that I cannot have anymore children. I was told that there was no reason that I needed to have a hyst. I know there are many women here that have not had the ability to have children so I fee asamed even writing. I am 27 wth a 7 1/2 year old daughter and 22 month old son. I love my family, but just sad that I have to deal with hot flashes and and menopause.
God Bless all of you.
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Unread 01-16-2003, 11:12 AM
Sad and feel selfish

Hi Denise why should you feel ashamed? You are entitled to your feelings, there is nothing wrong with them. You are very young to have had this surgery, and it changed your life in ways you didn't anticipate or want.

You have two children, but you wanted more, and so you are still going to feel some disappointment at not being able to realize that dream, at least not biologically.

You are having to deal with menopausal symptoms suddenly and much earlier than you would have naturally... that is a big burden on anyone. For me, I was going to be menopausal any minute now anyway, so it wasn't such a big deal, but if I were your age I can imagine I would feel very frustrated and angry about that.

You are welcome here, regardless of whether you have children or not ... we all have our feelings about what this surgery has changed in our lives, and we all help each other get through them, that's what makes this place so special

Lots of s,
Unread 01-16-2003, 03:06 PM
No reason?

You were told you had no reason to have a hysterectomy? And you had endo and adhesions? Did I miss something?

Whatever the situation, Linda is right. You have a right to your feelings. No need to feel selfish OR guilty. I mourned the removal of my organs even though I was through menopause when they were taken. In my mind I guess I'm still in my youth!

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. I'm glad you're telling us about it.

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Unread 01-16-2003, 03:47 PM
Sad and feel selfish

Hi Denice....

I met you over on the "road"....and wanted to let you know you are in no way alone in this feeling. Like our sisters here have said there is nothing to feel guilty for, and nothing to be ashamed about.

I also have several children and just now turned 40 ( oh boy!!! ) and have gone thru the grieving process myself. I think to some degree a lot of women do. There is still that subconcious (sp) thought that our female organs and the ability to have children is our whole female identity. This was true for me even tho I had my tubes tied 17 years ago.

This may sound a little off the wall..but if you think about it we've gone thru a lot with our reproductive system since we first came to realization as little girls what an important role these organs have on our entire lives. We look forward to our first periods "making us a women"....we baby our parts thru periods, pain, our first encounter. I think we become quite attached to this part it's what made us what we are today. When we lose this it's like losing a part of what we knew we were here for. I know for me I had a myrid of thoughts...who am I now? What will I become? and even the thought of what purpose do I have now? Told ya it was a little off the wall!!! But that was me.

It's been 18 months now since my original hyst date, and I have discovered a lot about ME in the past months. I have learned to look deeper and find a new meaning in life. I was given my small joys to hold on to and no more. I'm hoping that it's because I have other exciting things to do now with my life. I have lost a part of the old me......but I'm begining to get past her and find a new one.

Don't ever feel selfish for having feelings of sadness....or guilty for being the person you are. I had a lot of sisters help me thru and I know they'll do the same for you....

We'er here anytime....


Unread 01-25-2003, 09:47 AM
Sad and feel selfish

Hi Denise, Thank you for sharing your feelings. I have children but planned on a big family. 4 years ago, I thought I would be adding on to the family, the house was built, jobs secure, everyone healthy. Then it didn't happen. I went round and round until I found a doc ( 3rd gyn) for the continual pain I had been told was psychosomatic. Surgeries began Oct. 02 with TAH-BSO on 12-18-02. I know how it feels to be both - fortunate for what I have and hurt/jealous for what I lost. I've had a recent rash of baby showers, births, adoptions at both work and in the family. I have cried myself to sleep many times. It's a constant reminder that I can't do what I had planned. I am trying to set some other goals for myself to ease the hurt. But it still does. My 6 week post-op is in 3 more days. I chose not to HRT but maybe I should give it a good girl scout try. Pam

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