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Unread 02-03-2003, 08:16 AM
not a woman

Hi, this is my first visit here, and I was ok until this week(my surgery is this friday the 7th) suddenly just the thought of children makes me cry..really I dont want any more..but I guess that the knowledge that I CANT have any seems too much. I feel like I am not gonna be a woman anymore. They are takin' out EVERYTHING. Isnt that what makes women special? the ability to have babies? and I dont feel old, but I guess I always thought of this as an "old" thing..and I am scared.
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Unread 02-03-2003, 08:30 AM
not a woman


Sounds like you are feeling the same as most of the women who have posted on these boards.

This is a loss. There will be a grieving process, as with any other loss. But, you will feel better over time. Try to concentrate on your blessings.

Originally posted by Freebird

They are takin' out EVERYTHING. Isnt that what makes women special? the ability to have babies?
No. Certainly that is one of the things that sets us apart from men, but we are all special as individuals. We each have things to give and our unique ways of giving. You are sooo much more than a few body parts!

There are many on these boards who are younger than you and having this surgery for a variety of reasons.

Please keep reading and posting & I am sure you will find some peace.

God bless.
Unread 02-03-2003, 10:23 AM
not a woman

Hi Freebird66,

I had a TAH BSO on Jan. 21st - absolutely everything came out. I am 38. I had never been able to have children.

When I found out I needed to have the hyster I felt that I wouldn't be a woman (I figured, and I know that this is not the case, that my breasts would even fall off after my ovaries were removed - I felt that unwomanly). I cried and grieved and howled at my DH, and eventually came to realize that the only thing about me that was changing was that I was losing my periods and my constant pain. What I would be gaining was a new life!

You will need to greive your loss as that is part of this process and of any process in life when we lose something or someone. It is healthy to face the grief and be as mentally prepared as possible for your surgery and your new life.

The loss of your internal body parts (and if they are like mine were and never worked properly) doesn't define who we are. We have whole and complete personalities - as women we tend to be giving, nurturing, compassionate and caring. We can do more than one thing at a time - definitely a female trait! We can be strong, capable and competent at anything we want to do! We are defined by who we are! Inside each body is an incredible soul!

While the ability to give birth is indeed a miracle, for those of us who haven't been blessed with the children we have so wanted, we can still love ourselves and others, as women!

I apologize if this waxes philosoplical, but please allow yourself greive and when you have healed from the grieving process, please consider all of the amazing and wonderful things you, as a woman, have to offer yourself and others!

Best of wishes to you!
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Unread 02-03-2003, 10:29 AM
not a woman

I am 39 years old and would like to share my feelings with you. I feel like the recovery from my hyster. was about 10% physical and 90% emotional. I had my days when I truly felt the loss, didn't want to see pregnant women or baby's on TV but I'm over 2 mths now (can't go back and count the weeks at the moment but surgery was 11/26/02) and I can tell you that I feel more like a woman than I have in the last year. It was like coming alive for me again. All my feelings and thoughts were so concentrated on the pain and getting through daily life that I had nothing left over for anyone else. Now it's like springtime. My DH is getting his wife back, my daughter her mother, my parents their daughter and me the ability to love and be happy. The way I used to be. I feel love, happiness and laughter in my life again and that is more of what makes me the woman that I am, not my body parts.
Unread 02-03-2003, 01:03 PM

Hi, Freebird! Welcome to HysterSisters! I'm one of those women who is glad to have had my TAH BSO, too, and I feel just as feminine as before surgery (taking Estrace). But it is true that many ladies grieve the loss of female organs. That's perfectly understandable, even if we don't really want another baby! As Sandra said, allow yourself a time for grieving. If you wish, you can post in the Aching Hearts forum and get more support from hystersisters there.

Then you might want to read this very positive thread, which is a favorite of mine A hyst can be a very positive step in your life. Also check out the pre op hints and articles on the home page. The more you know about what you will face, the better prepared and calmer you will feel. Ask any questions you have, and someone will be along to try to find answers for you. s and best wishes!
Unread 02-03-2003, 01:10 PM
It's the two X chromosomes that make you a woman

Yeah! It's not the uterus that makes you a woman! It's those two X chromosomes!!

I know it's an emotional roller coaster and your feelings are shared by many. Of course you're scared. But by getting yourself well informed you'll gain some confidence and realize that you are still in charge of your life and will choose to do what's best for you.

Unread 02-03-2003, 01:23 PM
not a woman

I'm sorry you're feeling this way..........maybe some of it is the stress of knowing your surgery is coming up soon...........this is an emotional surgery for any woman to face.

I was 45 when I had my hyst, and I never had any kids. My husband is a quadraplegic and he could not father children........and I actually had a friend of mine ask me once (she had two little boys) if I didn't feel "unfulfilled" since I had never had any children. (she's not much of a friend anymore ) didn't. There's more to my life than that. I always figured it just wasn't in the cards for me, and that's ok. I have more neices and nephews than I can count, and when I feel the need to borrow a kid for a day.........I can always find one (or more!)

There was one brief period after my hyst when I went thru a "what if" stage......what if things had turned out differently......but, they didn't.

There is a whole lot more to me as a woman than the parts they removed. I'm a woman, thru and thru, even without my uterus and ovaries (TAH/BSO 1/5/01).

It's normal to be scared and emotional before your surgery.......every woman who posts on these boards has been there. As Joselle's an emotional roller coaster. But Hystersisters is the best place for you to be, for advice and support. Have you visted the chat room and talked to other gals there? They're great and talking one on one is sometimes better (more personal, I mean) than posting here on the boards.....but by all means keep posting here too!!

Hang in there, in my case my hyst was the best thing that happened to me.........I feel better than I felt for years. It does get better. Please continue to let us know how you're doing before your surgery and afterwards.

Take care and best of luck to you --

Unread 02-03-2003, 01:44 PM
thank you

thank you all for your replies, I thought maybe I was strange for feeling like this but I guess once the rain clears the sun will come out. thank you so much ! :-)))
Unread 02-03-2003, 02:00 PM
not a woman

Hi Freebird!

I had some of the same feelings as you and when I mentioned it to my husband, he said (God love him!) "I didn't fall in love with your uterus, I fell in love with you!"

I like your saying about the rain clearing and the sun coming out. That's a good one to remember.

Best wishes!

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