all alone - Page 2 | HysterSisters
HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support and Information
Advertising Info HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support Tutorial

Go Back   Hysterectomy HysterSisters > Hysterectomy Special Needs > The Road Less Traveled is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.

Our community is filled with women who have been through the Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators. is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.

With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.

You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
join HysterSisters for hysterectomy resources and support
Unread 03-09-2003, 07:59 AM
all alone


You will never be alone as long as you are here with us, Terri!

I know all the health problems you're having right now, and I feel just awful that there's not more that we can do for you.

As for your DH and the affair. It is NOT (let me repeat) NOT your fault!!!! That is a problem that he needs to accept responsibility for.

As for your kids. They love you Terri. You are and will be a great source of love, care, and comfort to them.

As for your friends. Someone already mentioned it, but true friends won't leave you when you need them the most. Again, NOT your fault!

Terri, please just concentrate on YOU right now. Get yourself healthy and happy and the rest will follow.

You KNOW you are in my heart!!!!!!!! We LOVE you!

Love & Hugs
Sponsored Links
Unread 03-09-2003, 10:57 AM
all alone

Oh ((((Terri)))))
Pls know you will always have us for love, support & understanding of your pain
I separated in Jan 2002 b/c he couldnt deal with all my complications & neverending are not to blame, he is for not trying to understand what you are going thru & to stand by your side for the support you deserve...
I have lost many who just dont understand or want to hear it..some think it's all in your head or if you'd just try harder to fell better you would, that's nonsense, IMO..
Suffering Chronic pain of any type can take a huge toll on is physically & emotionally. To think anyone would wish this upon themselves
I see a Therapist to help me deal with my Pain mentally, it's a hard pill to swallow, thinking you will never be better. Maybe someone like this could help you as well?? Just a thot..
Here is some good info I have found that has been of a great help to me in understanding pain:

Chronic Pain:
Millions of people world wide seek treatment for chronic pain every year. On occasion certain medications, nerve blocks or physical therapy can make a big difference, however, in most cases a multiple-part approach to ending the downward spiral of chronic pain is required. Reversing this spiral is now commonly referred to as pain management. Pain management includes, not only medication, but also a comprehensive plan of relaxation, exercise and behavioral change. There is no magic bullet for relief of chronic pain. Managing pain is not about making the pain disappear, it is about keeping pain tolerable and there are several ways to accomplish this. Keep a Pain Journal: Record the various activities and therapies that reduce or alleviate your pain. A journal also helps track the ebb and flow of pain, so you are aware of them and know when the pain worsens and how to ease it.

Get Started on an Exercise Program: Exercise improves overall fitness, increases strength and flexibility and can reduce the risk of further injury and helps control pain.

Balance Your Life: Find a healthful balance of activities, which should include work time, exercise, recreation, hobbies, relaxation, rest and socialization with family and friends. This balance can ease pain and elevate your mood.

Medications: All medications have side effects and there are toxic risks with all medication. So which medication to use and when to use one for chronic pain is very complex.

Complementary Medicine: Unconventional therapies used (yoga or Tai Chi), which promote physical strengthening are safe and sensible when combined with exercise, diet and treatments prescribed by your doctor.

Alternative Medicine: This therapy is used instead of, or in conjunction with, traditional medical care, including homeopathic or naturopathic practitioners. The Food and Drug Administration do, not regulate herbal medications, while they may be beneficial; they may also be toxic and may interfere with prescription medication. Take with care._

Some Tips to Help in Managing Chronic Pain:

Write yourself a contract: Pledge to yourself that you are committed to managing your pain.
Keep your home environment healthful: Remove all items from your home that might lure you into unhealthy habits. Your home should reflect your positive active attitude.
Set goals for pain management: Set specific goals to address your greatest pain problems.
Monitor your progress: Prepare some type visual aid or chart to display your progress.
Accept support: Support of family, friends and physician will help you keep going on track on difficult days.
Team up with your doctor: Your doctor can work with you to overcome obstacles, keep him/her posted on your progress.
Plan each day: Schedule your exercise, relaxation, rest, work. Make a list of things to do in order to accomplish your goals.
Stay positive: Think that you will control the pain. Keep your spirits up, this will help to maintain your ability to overcome and manage pain.
Reward yourself: If you treat yourself to something enjoyable, when you reach a goal, it will reinforce a positive attitude._ _

Pain Terminology:


There can be psychological effects from chronic pain. It can produce feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness and despair. It can alter your personality, disrupt sleep and interfere with work and personal relationships.
There are numerous forms of relaxation therapy that are helpful to patients. Relaxation training and stress management, biofeedback and meditation can all be beneficial.

We believe that a time set aside each day to close your eyes, take some deep breathes, listen to some relaxing music and think only pleasant thoughts, with the idea of you controlling the pain rather than the pain taking control of you. Perhaps 15 minutes twice a day.

b] Psychological Management:[/b]

Chronic pain is a complex condition, which may begin with a_ physical trauma, but is always maintained by a combination of physiological, neurological and psychological factors. In recent decades, it has become increasingly accepted that effective treatment must address both the physical and the psychological aspects of chronic pain. The psychological treatment of pain is important for a number of reasons. Firstly, psychological factors play a crucial role in the onset and course of chronic pain. People with psychological problems are more at risk of injury and pain (Tunks, 1996). The author has observed for example, that poor people who get hurt at work {particularly repetitive strain_ injuries] often do not report the injury for fear of losing their job, leading to delayed access to medical treatment and aggravation of injury. People with pain are also more likely to develop anxiety and depression - some studies have found up to 60% of chronic pain sufferers have either_ clinical anxiety or depression (Tunks, ibid). Although anxiety and depression are effects of pain, they can also undermine a person's ability to cope as well as increasing their perception of the intensity of the pain. A kind of pain-stress feedback loop is created. Chronic pain also presents a number of diagnostic dilemmas, as the physical cause is often unclear. This presents the clinician with a dilemma, is it_ psychogenic (e.g.; a somatization disorder) or a medical problem of_ unknown origin? Treating a somatization disorder as a real medical problem can lead to unnecessary treatment, while treating a medical disorder as 'psychological' can lead to withholding of treatment and_cause added suffering and complications. In addition, chronic pain is often poorly managed, not because of lack of know-how, but because of psychological factors. For example, one study {of cancer patients} found that over 50% were under-medicated. The reason was poor communication between doctor and patient. Other_ studies indicate underreporting of pain by patients is a major problem. Cultural factors such as macho attitudes may also predispose people to "putting up with it."

Thus although chronic pain may start out with physical injury, it quickly develops into a major psychological problem. Psychological factors play a part in the whole course of the development of chronic pain, including diagnosis and management. Clearly, psychological treatment is an essential part of any treatment approach. Given the difficult nature of the disorder, a preventative approach founded on early intervention is indicated.

Psychological treatment can help by:
Education - many people with chronic pain are ignorant about the causes of pain, or their rights and responsibilities as a patient, or even just how to deal with the effects of pain on their relationships. Education in the form of information about pain, communication skills, and the treatment process can empower the chronic pain sufferer and enable them to benefit more from treatment.
Provision of adequate support - adequate psychological support is known to be an essential prerequisite for coping with life stressors, including chronic pain.
Reduce anxiety and depression - this is largely achieved through changing negative feelings, thoughts and behaviors associate with pain. Once a person knows what is going on and has some ability to control things, their confidence increases and anxiety and depression are less.
Case management - the pain management psychologist is the best-qualified person to identify any psychological obstacles to recovery, and advise other treating professionals.

Physical & Occupational Therapy:

Physical modalities, if appropriately used, can be effective in reducing acute or sub-acute pain and can be very beneficial for chronic pain. The use of physical therapy does not ensure the elimination of pain. This is due to the fact that the perception of pain is different from patient to patient. While total relief of pain may be ideal, it is very difficult and not always attainable, particularly in chronic pain. However, even if there is residual pain, it is very frequently less intense and is at a bearable level
and may allow the patient to engage in his or her daily activities and/or function better in work activities.A list of specific physical therapies includes:
_Thermotherapy - down through history heat and cold have been used for the relief of pain. The sedative, antispasmodic, analgesic, and decongestive effects of heat are well known._ Superficial heat includes hot packs, paraffin baths, and heat lamps. Hydrotherapy, (warm
or hot whirlpool bathes). Deep heat includes ultrasound, short wave diathermy, and microwave.
_Cryotherapy - there is no agreement on the effectiveness of cold over heat in the control of pain, however, application of cold to local areas produce some therapeutic effects, including reduction of temperature, reduction of neuromuscular transmission, analgesia, and an anti-inflammatory effect._ Cold packs, (many sizes and shapes are available commercially), are composed of a pliable gel in a thin plastic pouch, that can be stored in the freezer until ready to use. They may retain their cold for up to 30 minutes after applied. Vapocoolant sprays are available, containing either fluorimethane or ethyl chloride and are useful to relieve pain of muscle spasm and trigger points. They must be used very carefully to prevent tissue damage. Ice water is a good and inexpensive method of cold therapy, where the extremity or part to be treated is immersed in ice water. The ice stick or block method involves moving an ice stick or block, back and forth in a massaging manner, over the painful area.
Electrotherapy - has been used since ancient times for the treatment of pain. Both direct (galvanic) current and
alternating current have been and are being used in the treatment of various pain syndromes. Transcutaneous
electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) is being used with varying degrees of success for pain relief. There is the
possibility of abuse both by the physician and the patient and its usefulness has been question in some studies._
Ionophoresis is a procedure, in which, molecules or atoms (ions) are force into the tissue using an electrical field.
Mechanotherapy - massage has been used since early times, and still plays an important role in pain management. The physiologic effect of massage is to increase or regulate muscle tone. The therapist's hands, stimulates the transmission of impulses to the higher centers in the brain, producing, sensations of pleasure and well being. The mechanical effects include, increasing the circulation of blood and lymph, and produce muscular motion, stretching of adhesions and reducing the accumulation of fluid. Common techniques of massage are stroking, kneading, rubbing and percussing. Indication for massage include reducing swelling, relieving pain, and mobilization of contracted tissue. There are some contraindications for its use such as; infection at the site, thrombophlebitis, burns, malignancies, and skin disease.
Therapeutic exercise - is a cornerstone on the treatment of sub-acute and chronic pain. Body movement improves musculoskeletal function and helps to maintain a state of well-being. An exercise program that helps to increase range of motion, increase elasticity of soft tissue, decrease spasm and tension, is usually followed by exercises that increase strength and endurance. Some of the various types of exercises include isometric, isotonic, aerobic and_ aquatic. Traction and passive manipulation are other modalities used. There are physical exercises that are used for various part of the body, such as shoulder, neck and low back. Lists of the various modalities are listed in many texts.
Occupational therapy - is used to help return the patient to work activity. When physical or occupational therapy are ordered by the physician, it should be remembered that the therapist is a trained professional, and should be treated as a member of the treatment team. The therapist will see the patient more often than the physician and therefore may give insightful information regarding some physical and psychological problems. The order for therapy should include: evaluate and treat; specific requests by the physician; a working diagnosis; frequency of treatment; length of time treatment is to be continued; possible contraindication to treatment and precautions.
Hands on therapy - depends on the skill of the therapist regarding dysfunction of muscles and joints.
Programs to restore function - are some where between, physical therapy and the fitness center type
programs. This may consist of physical conditioning with a group of patients. Patients attend such a program two or three times a week, with sessions lasting up to two hours, during which time exercise_ consists of stretching, strengthening and aerobatics. It may also include education and back to work activity.
Gym programs - usually begins as the physical therapy program is ending and the patient continues to exercise in the gym independently. The gym can be and appropriately is a part of the physical therapy department or may be private. Some supervision may be provided, however, the individuals are usually on their own. It is important that they follow instructions from the therapist in order to prevent further injury.
Vocational rehabilitation - is used for those chronic pain patients who wish to return to work and it should be an integral part of the pain management program. The effort is to help these patients learn or relearn skills necessary for return to gainful employment._
Managing Chronic Pain:

Additional Resources for Patients and Patient Advocates:

Battling Back: Overcoming the Undertreatment of Chronic Pain:

Questions You Should Ask About Pain & Pain Treatment:

Pain Management:

Pain Clinics - a personal view:

Deal with Depression:


You Can Overcome the Affects of Stress:

Fatigue Takes a Special Toll on Women:

Women and Pain:

Anxiety Disorders:

Self-Discovery Through Journaling:

My thots & prayers will be with you ((Terri))...remember we are here for you anytime
Unread 03-09-2003, 03:28 PM
Hi Terri,

I just wanted to send you and 's and let you know that you are not alone. It really is a terrible feeling. These people must be nuts to think that we actually enjoy our lives being like this, it's not like we have a choice and can "snap" out of it.

I'll be having my 3rd surgery in just under 2 weeks from now, all within the last 10 months. It's certainly been no walk in the park for me either. Since my first surgery in June I have lost many friends, they haven't actually came out and said they were tired of my being "sick' but slowly they just quit calling or coming around. And when I do hear from them I can hear the sarcasm in their voices "what is it now?" It's probably better that they don't call.

My husband was deployed almost 3 weeks ago and filed for divorce just before leaving (on Valentine's Day). I heard rumor recently that back in October he told one of his buddies that he wasn't attracted to me because I had gained weight, that was a hard blow to swallow. We've been together 8 years and all of a sudden as soon as my health problems hit, it was like a bomb blew and my whole life changed. It has shown me how shallow many of the people in my life really were.

I try to remind myself on a daliy basis that I am almost through this struggle and soon I will regain the health that I once knew(hopefully) and that my period of ill health served to weed out the people in my life who weren't worthy of what I have to offer. I am not perfect but I am a good person, I am true and honest and loving to my family and my friends, NOT only when it is convenient for me but ALWAYS and I want to be surrounded by people who hold the same values. While right now these revelations are quite painful and come at an inopportune time.....there are better days ahead and I want to know where to focus my energy and these hard times have shown me where my energy should be children........who my TRUE friends are and what true happiness is all about. At the same time I TRY very hard to remember that some people just aren't capable of coping and being here for us as we would like them to and that we should try (as hard as that might be) to maintain the virtue of forgiveness to a certain extent. This does NOT include accepting THEIR mistakes as our own because WE have somehow forced them into it. What others do, they choose to do of their own regard. You are only responsible for YOU and the children that you are raising and molding their values. Don't accept the faults of others.

I didn't intend to go off on a tangent like I did, but reading your post brought me to tears and reminded me so much of the struggles that I have been going through for the last 10 months. We cannot control our health problems, if we could.... none of us would be on this raod. I accepted so much blame for everything in the beginning and really only recently have I began to say "no more". I cannot control the feelings or actions of others. I have a long way to go but I can tell you that coming to this realization has helped me tremendously, it won't bring your friends back (as if you really need THOSE friends) and it won't change the fact that your DH cheated on you,( I think mine might have as well) but it makes me realize I am in control. Maybe not in control of my health but in control of my heart and what I am willing to accept blame for. Gee, I'm off on another tangent............

I feel for you and I wish you all the best in the world..this is a VERY hard time........I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but we will make it. This board is wonderful! I know without a doubt that without it I would be a nutcase. Come here and vent any time you need to. These Ladies have seen me through so many hard times and I hope to soon be over them and be here to help many other sisters. If you ever just want to chat feel free to e-mail me [email protected] and there are many other sisters on the chat board who are always willing to lend an ear. Lots of love to you honey. We care about you.

Sponsored Links
Unread 03-09-2003, 06:28 PM
(((((((((( Terri )))))))))

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this. Please know one thing... We are always around if you need us.... You have been through so much... It makes it difficult not to have the one's you love supporting you.... I'm so sorry you feel alone right now. I hope things change for you soon... I wish I could give you a in person..... Just keep fighting. Keep us updated so we can help you!!!! Rest sweetie!!!!!
Unread 03-10-2003, 06:17 AM
Re: Hi Terri,

Originally posted by Dawn33
It has shown me how shallow many of the people in my life really were.

I try to remind myself on a daliy basis that I am almost through this struggle and soon I will regain the health that I once knew(hopefully) and that my period of ill health served to weed out the people in my life who weren't worthy of what I have to offer.

You are only responsible for YOU and the children that you are raising and molding their values. Don't accept the faults of others.

What powerful statements these are Dawn!! I couldn't agree more. That is something positive my illness has done for me. My counselor suggested I "realize where my true support system was and to disconnect myself from those that weren't a part of it." The "realizing" part was easy since these people showed their true colors under stress. The "disconnecting" was a bit harder but came when I realized that they alone were responsible for their actions and I was much better off w/o them in my life. I have one true friend here and I've come to realize that I'd rather have that one true friend than 100 of the ones who cracked under pressure. I strongly suggest reading the book "The Dance Of Anger" by Harriet Lerner for anyone who is into self-help books. It really helps put the focus where it should be.

s to all my sisters and an extra to those that feel alone right now.
Unread 03-10-2003, 06:42 AM
all alone

Sweetie You are not alone with all of us sisters here!!I Really Wish i lived closer to you then i could give you real sss We know you have been going thru a hard time and I sure wish i had a magic wand to take away all your Pain! Please sis Call me whenever you want to vent or just talk you have my number call me collect even i will accept it from you!! I keep you in my ers all the time for your Health and Happiness! SWeetie what your Dh has done is not your fault You can't help being sick.He is just not worth your agony and heart if he Truly Loved you he would be there thru Health and sickness as well as Your old Friends! Friends are there for you to confine,Hug,Share and Care and Honey You have that here We are all here for You Sis!!
Unread 03-10-2003, 07:17 AM
all alone

Dear Terri,

Hang in there. I know a lot of the other women here have said it, but I'll say it again: If your husband has been behaving like a jerk, it's his fault, not yours. And, true friends stand by you when you're feeling down.

When I was younger, some of my (now former) "friends" treated me badly while I went through a bad bout of depression. In fairness, much of it was because they were ignorant, not because they were deliberately cruel. A lot of people don't understand depression or anxiety. And, many don't understand that a person can have really painful and unpleasant health problems without appearing to be deathly ill. I never realized until I was an adult that my mother worked her rear off taking care of us while suffering from miserable migraines and menstrual disorders.

You mentioned that your medications weren't giving you any relief. Have you worked with your physician, or with a therapist, to change meds or dosages under supervision until you find something that helps? Antidepressants can be tricky; one that works just fine for a friend may not help you, but a different med (or combination of them) sometimes works wonders. It's true that medications can't fix a broken heart, but they *can* help a hurting brain so that the rest of you gets some healing space and can take charge of your life again!

Will be thinking of you -- many hugs!

Julie S.
Unread 03-28-2003, 12:27 PM
all alone


I love you, gal. I'm here for you and with you. Always. I wish we lived closer.... you'd get tired of seeing me around! It seems to me that medical issues really show you who is there as a TRUE friend and who is there as a 'fair-weather" friend. The fair weather friends you can do without, although it saddens you that they don't REALLY care as YOU would care for THEM in similar circumstances.

Sweetie, All I want is that the doctors get to the bottom of this and get you the help you need. You've gone through so much lately that it just doesn't seem fair.

Know that WE are here for you and with you, every step of the way. You're not alone with your Sisters around, hon. We, of anyone, understand and we're holding your hand in Spirit.

Terri, please know that I am ALWAYS here and you have my E-Mail address to use ANY time you need to vent, scream, cry... I realize it's not the same as having someone in the room with you, but I am extending my hand, my love and my support to you.

I care, Terri. I'm here. You're my sweet, dear Sister. You're always in my thoughts and prayers. I hope today went well at the doctor's office.

I love you, gal

Lots of Love,
Unread 03-28-2003, 02:25 PM
all alone

Hi terry BIG to you!

I wish i had wonderful words of wisdom as so many of the other sisters do but i do not. I just know that it would almost destroy me to lose my friends and my DH during all this. I jsut hope you know that we are here for you hun anytime you need us.

We simply just love you hun.
Unread 03-28-2003, 06:57 PM

Oh my goodness I can't believe people are so cruel and hateful...IN your time of need people dump on you like this..Iam truely sorry for your hard times...I to have been ill with many things that require the help of family and friends and they never have done this to me.. I can not imagine the heart ache you are going through...IM sorry its happening to you ....Of course your depressed.. Who wouldnt be....Its a hard thing to go through an illness alone...It really upsets me about your family most of all..They are the ones who should understand and be there no matter what...I just want you to know you are in my prayers and I am sorry for what they are doing to you ...Im on here everyday and find it a big help to talk to people so anytime you want to talk find me.. Please take care and try not to let them get you down..I know easier said then done but you need to heal with or without them so you can be better.. We like having you around sister.. Take care..Your new sister friend :

Our Free Booklet
What 350,000 Women Know About Hysterectomy: Information, helpful hints as you prepare and recover from hysterectomy.
Answers to your questions

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


Hysterectomy News

June 24,2021


HysterSisters Takes On Partner To Manage Continued Growth And Longevity
I have news that is wonderful and exciting! This week’s migration wasn’t a typical migration - from one set ... News Archive


Calendar - Hysterectomies - Birthdays

Request Information

I am a HysterSister


Featured Story - All Stories - Share Yours


Your Hysterectomy Date

CUSTOMIZE Your Browsing