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ANOTHER DH vent session..... ANOTHER DH vent session.....

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  #1  
Unread 02-27-2003, 09:52 PM
ANOTHER DH vent session.....

Thanks again for all of your support... I had a horrible day today because of my back. I stand it kills me, I sit it kills me, all I can do is lay down.. Same **** different day.. I am really trying to do what I need to though, homework and a few chores around the house.. I KNOW... lay down and rest!!!! I wish I could, but my obsessive compulsive disorder takes over and I can not control it until I am in tears. Hopefully once ALL my meds work properly I will be able to get back control over my emotions and my actions..

Maybe I should buy some handcuffs and handcuff myself to the bed... But then my DH will just think I am trying to get kinky..

Had to throw a joke in there.. He is working 12 hour shifts right now 7 days a week so I dont even get to see him except for about an hour or 2. On Tues and Thurs he is gone from 5am to 10pm going from work to school. I guess that is why we are getting along right now. He is not here to have to deal with me and my pain and I dont have to deal with any sarcastic remarks.. I understand how hard his job is and the stress of possibly being deployed in case of war so I try not to give him anything else to have to worry about.. I think I handle it better alone anyway. I thought about leaving, in fact I had my mind set on it, but I am willing to give him a chance to prove he meant his vows he took.. I guess you can say he is on probation.. I love him with all of my and do not want to leave, but if he is constantly going to put me down and make it all out to be my fault and keep throwing around the smart comments that he thinks I wont pick up on, then I will have NO choice but to leave.. It is sad that I used to constantly tell me 11 yr old son not to EVER treat his wife like that and my 14 yr old daughter NEVER to let a man treat her that way because he says it all in front of them. But in turn I sit back and let him do it!!! What is wrong with that picture?????? Not a very good role model I am.. It is also sad that they dont see me letting him have it behind closed doors because that is where I think things between me and him need to be kept.. They seem to only see the bad things he does and it looks like I just sit back and say nothing about it. Hopefully he has heard enough in the past month from me to get the BIG picture that I wont take it anymore.. He is a good man, and like I said, I love him, but I guess sometimes love is not enough to keep people together. I am going to go into this a new, stronger person, unlike my previous surgeries and hopefully he knows where I stand because I am not going to justify myself for the 100,000,000th time. He can either join me on this rollercoaster ride I am on and be there for me, or he can GET OFF and hang his head in shame..

Well, there goes another from the heart speech. Thanks for listening once again... My guardian 's!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you all!!!!!!


Pam
__________________
Pam Lambremont
TVH/BSO
for endo, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts/pre-cancerous
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  #2  
Unread 02-28-2003, 08:44 AM
ANOTHER DH vent session.....

Pam, I think a light bulb has been turned on for you......I think there is a saying that goes something like, "what doesn't kill us, will make us stronger"....I am not sure how it goes exactly, but you get the jist of it.....

Just hang in there and keep a positive attitude for your sake...and your children's sake, don't let the negativity get you down to the point it interferes with your recovery....make a plan and stick to it.....take care..bj
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