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I feel so alone, and cold feet. I feel so alone, and cold feet.

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  #1  
Unread 03-03-2003, 06:10 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

surgey is 17 hours away, I was so depressed last night. I got a spider bite, DH yelled "can't youlay still. between spider bites,and nerves I itch alot. I started to cry and had to bite my lip cause my crying made him even madder. he told me to stop feeling sorry for my self.
at the pre-op last week they said they would call today after 3pm, at 11:30 he got mad cause they had not called yet, and mad me call the hospital to find out checkin time. some day I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have a stuffy nose well no wounder I can't even cry. with out upsetting my family. because we live so far from hospital, hubby said he will stay with me tomorow, then we will come back to get me. When the dc sais i can go home.
I don't know how you ladys do it. lessing to my tears not to mention all the others. thanks for lessening to me. why don't guys understand. we need to cry, we get angery also. but we are sappose to be the pillers of sapport for them. I was there for him when he had is appendix taken out,
and all the other times he has been sick, Ihave cleand up after him when he pucks, and get the runns when he has a cold. that insiativaty thing keeps poping up its ugly head around here. he keeps telling me it is no big deal.
he is already making plans to move our family agian, we wants to move around july. where I don't know. with out follow up, how will i know if the cancer comes back or not?
now Igot a lump in my left breast, it has been there since january. when to I deal with that? or do I pray it is nothing?
I am sorry, I just dont feel so brave today.

Love and harmony always
Karen
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  #2  
Unread 03-03-2003, 06:37 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Tons of S for you Karen.

Your cancer is in such an early stage that they should get it with your TVH. I'm soooooo sorry that your DH isn't as caring as you would like him to be. Maybe it's his way of denying the whole thing?

I was 34 when I found out that I had cervical cancer, stage 1B1 in November of 2001. I had to have a radical hysterectomy. Thankfully they were able to get all of it. My doc left my ovaries 'cause they were fine. It is totally devastating news to hear that you have cancer. I mean that just happens to "other" people, right? You have to take things as they come and live one day at a time. Life doesn't have to end because you have been diagnosed with cancer. When I was diagnosed, my life just began.

You are having a vaginal hysterectomy, right? The recovery isn't as bad as with an abdominal hysterectomy. You do still have to take it easy. As far as follow-up goes when you move, can't you get a new doc? It is very important to keep "tabs" on everything that's happening with your body, especially now.

I don't know how true this is, but I've heard that it's very rare for the cervical cancer to reoccur. You said that you have a lump in your left breast. Can you get that checked out? Just because it's a "lump" doesn't mean it's "cancer".

You have to be strong now Karen. For your mind, body and soul.

Good luck tomorrow...you will be in my prayers tonight.

Take care -
  #3  
Unread 03-03-2003, 07:09 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Hi Karen,

Sending you lots and lots of good wishes for tomorrow. I am sure that everything will work out all right.

My husband was supportive, to a point, when I had my hysterectomy. I can understand what you are saying and know the pain you are feeling. However, I truly believe that men just do not understand, and that they do not know how to actually react. They are scared too and this what they do.

After my hysterectomy everyone in my family was very helpful, almost too helpful. Then when I was told I had cancer and would have to do chemo, they were supportive and helpful again. BUT as soon as the chemo was over and I was stronger, and they all realized that I was NOT going to die, the helpfulness began to dwindle.

Men are a strange breed. Give him time, he will come around.

Keep in touch.

Rosalie
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  #4  
Unread 03-03-2003, 08:48 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Rosalie, and Tmel, thanks so much for your responses,
I dont know when we are going to move. going to any doc is hard to do, let alone find a new one. that is another story.

your friend ship means alot.

Love and harmony always Karen Hart
  #5  
Unread 03-03-2003, 09:23 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Dear Karen,

When I told my most recent boyfriend (we broke up but were still kind of seeing each other) about my situation, he cried and cried for about an hour, then decided he couldn't see me anymore. We had been planning to get together that night, but he just couldn't. He said he was too scared.

I said I just needed him to be there, but he honestly doesn't know how to. He has just freaked out so badly that I'm having to completely let him go and just focus on my very supportive friends.

I think men just have a hard time when things aren't going smoothly. Your DH probably just doesn't know how to support you, so it seems like he's lashing out instead of comforting you. I'm so, so sorry you're having to deal with that. But, if it's any consolation, I'm sure many, many women on this board have had men in their lives react in some way that is highly contrary to how they themselves would react if the situation were reversed.

I'm noticing that a few of my friends are stepping right up to the plate, and a few others are shying away a little bit. It will be interesting to see how things go in the next few months. I think people just handle things in different ways.

Turn to this board for support, and keep your faith in God strong. Surgery is hard, and recovery takes time. Be sure to point out the lump to your doctors so they're aware of it, but don't worry about it. Right now, just focus on getting through the next week, and getting well. And surround yourselves with people who can be there for you. We're all thinking of you!

s!
  #6  
Unread 03-03-2003, 10:12 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Thank you Siren, Iam simply glad I have a place to vent.
it is so hard to hang on to tears alone. I don't know if Iwill get to talk with you agian for a wile you are going in just a short time after me. It would be imposable for me had this web page not been her to vent. I have great respect for the sisters that have kept this place going. all this time.

Love you all karen Hart
  #7  
Unread 03-03-2003, 10:19 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

I am so sorry to hear that your dh is having such a hard time with this. When I was going through the waiting to find out how bad/good my biopsy was, my husband started acting very strange. He was almost stand-offish and friends said he seemed very depressed. This is a man who should have been a stand up comic because he never lets anything get to him. He watched my mother die from cancer 6 years ago and I think the thought of me having something so bad really go to him.

After my diagnosis of only CIS/CINIII, he calmed down a bit but was still on edge until after the surgery and the final path report. I think each man deals with it in a different way and I pray that yours starts to realize you need him right now more than anything!

Good Luck to you!
Keri
  #8  
Unread 03-04-2003, 07:47 AM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Hi Karen,

I just wanted to add that men tend to want to fix things....now he knows he can't fix this so he just wants it all to go away. And your crying doesn't let him do that.

They also don't understand the emotional side of us...My kids always tease me that Mom can make crying a hobby....I wish that he were being more supportive of you...but that is what we are here for...so if you need to cry and vent go right ahead....

Don't fret too much over a move right now...you can always find a new doctor once you settle into the new place, but just keep in mind to get a copy of your full record, test results and all, to bring with you when you do move.

You mentioned a lump in the breast, let the doctor know so they can do a manual check up and once you are healed and feeling better maybe they can do a referral for a mammogram....maybe, while you are in the hospital if the doctor is concerned about that lump they might be able to do an ultrasound of it.

I hope all goes well with the surgery and we will be looking forward to hearing your story...

s and ers,
Carol
  #9  
Unread 03-04-2003, 10:53 AM
Praying for You

Vent away, cry to us, let it all out. That's one reason we're here. I think your husband is scared for and about you and it's his way of doing things. Who can understand men? Never could? Sending for successful surgery and an end to your cancer. Ellen
  #10  
Unread 03-04-2003, 06:54 PM
I feel so alone, and cold feet.

Karen,
hang in there, you have to be strong for yourself to get better.
My husband got real quite, didn't wanna talk about it at first, it felt like he was mad at me for being diagnosed with cancer. He did talk to his dad alot, and he became very supportive (took about one month). We were in the military and moved alot, I hated to find new doctor's, dentist's, job's etc. You will find a new doctor when you move, just make sure you have a copy of your medical file with you. I always keep a copy at home, and ran one for my new doc. People react to cancer differently, even my co-works did, some withdrew some asked questions other's just were there for me. Give your husband time, he might just be to scared to lose you and that's why he is directing his frustration toward you in anger. Have that lump checked out.
Sending you lot's of 's and ers, keep us posted.
Andrea
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