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  #1  
Unread 03-15-2003, 01:28 AM
sex

Anyone, please:
No one seems to address what I need to know. I am sincere about this and am speaking with honesty and with desperation. Is there coital oragasm after hysterectomy? I regret to say that I had to have a laporoscopic vaginal assisted hysterectomy with vaginal repair May 17,2002. I had sex with my hubby for the first time last week or 10 mos post op. Otherwise I have been using hand manipulation, dilators,anything to bring life into my body. I used to have great sex. I have experienced some kind of ejaculation, and relied heavily on the contractions of my uterus and cervix. I also enjoyed the fabled "G" spot. Now, I do not have those organs and have only "one-dimensional" hand-manipulated orgasms; they are shallow and unsatifying. Every message I read seems to indicate that sex with hubby is great. Am I missing something? or is everyone lying? What does great mean? Is coital orgasm possible?
Can nerves be rejuvenated? Stimulated? I feel like a mere tube.Making love is now a source of anger and tears. How does everyone deal with this?
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  #2  
Unread 03-15-2003, 05:03 AM
sex

Cay, s

I can't really offer that much advice - my surgery was different (I kept my cervix) and before I had the hyst, my orgasms were focused largely around the clitoris, rather than the vagina and cervix itself (nothing has changed, incidentally!).

All I can do is offer you tea and sympathy, and some prayers and hugs that you can get some answers, or some relief (probably not the right word, but hey..I'm not yet caffeinated this morning ).

Because orgasms also tend to be psychological in nature, is there a chance you're still grieving for your lost bits, and this could be a factor? I'm probably grasping at straws here, but it's a possibility. Also, several ladies have undergone pelvic exenteration - whilst this is obviously much more severe surgery than a hyst, I'd imagine these Princesses would have much similar concerns regarding orgasms and sex (as most of the pelvic organs are removed). You might want to try posting on either the Cancer forum, or just running a search on the site.

Love and best wishes - I know how important it can be to enjoy a healthy and satisfying sex life - just sorry I can't really offer any advice!

Take care,

Tess
  #3  
Unread 03-15-2003, 05:12 AM
sex

oh (((cay)) my best advice is "practice" I too miss my cervix and have noticed a difference if not a lack in love making. Since it was both unavoidable that it was taken and is gone now and cant be replaced, I have tried to focus on what IS and not what is not.

Astroglide helps a lot with lubrication and relaxation providing an added boost to natural lubricants. Often post op tissues are dryer and some have even been identified as "atrophied" so a litle help might be in order. One lady described her vaginal tissues as paper thin and filled with a thousand paper cuts (ouch) so delicate tissues that are not at one hundred percent health can really interfere with pleasure.

Depression is a common complaint of post op ladies. I am not sure if it is all hormonal as mine also has a pre existing emotional component. But one documented symptom of depression is loss of libido, it is hard to enjoy sex when the desire is diminished and you are expecting disaster. For me a low does of anti depressants really helped my treatment in therapy and my depression. You and your dr will have to evaluate if this is a possibility for you.

Hormones are a strange and wonderful thing. Some ladies have had to try several hormones to find the perfect balance. I kept my ovaries so somedays they work and some days they don't. Some ladies have changed the dosage and some have even added testosterone to the mix. Again check with your dr to find the best solution for yourself.

Finally I have tried to focus on what IS. I have been married a long time and there have been other ebbs and flows in our relationship. (My DH had a heart procedure during my recovery so now the sound of his snoring is music to my ears.) My recovery body can really enjoy body massage and basicaly "foreplay" the stuff we had been too busy before to "waste" time on. I find then I am in a more orgasmic "mood" if you will feeling more loved and appreciated. It has improved over time just like your internal healing has taken time for the nerves and muscles to regenerate and heal. I believe those nerves do heal but it is slow growth and can seem even slower when you are in the middle of it.

You still have your clitoris and I think your g spot (not sure how extensive your repairs were) You seem open and ready to experiment so I would think DH would be invested in your recovery to continue your passionate sex life. Ten months is a long time to miss out and I hope your answer is right around the corner.

good luck

betsy
tah aug28 kept ovaries
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  #4  
Unread 03-15-2003, 11:43 AM
Hormones

I agree with ndeelou about hormones.

I have found over the past 7 months that the right balance of my bio-idetical estrogen and bio-identical progesterone simulate the "fertile phase" of my old cycles . The wrong balance made the big "O" almost impossible and the vagina tight, rather dry and unwelcoming no matter what we/he did. :cry:

Don't know it you still have your ovaries or not. If you do, they could be failing or hiccupping as is common after a hyst when you keep them. I don't have mine, but rely on HRT.

I was really scared, too. Things are great now, though. Hang in there. I know it's hard to be patient. Hopefully you DH understands and is supportive...that makes a lot of difference.
  #5  
Unread 03-16-2003, 03:49 PM
sex

Well, I can only relate my experience with full honesty. I had TAH (don't have cervix, have ovaries). I do take longer to get to the O, but do not feel a diminishment in the quality. And yes, they are coital. Some times I even will hit one of those long wonderful strings of one right after the other - but that is not any more rare than before the hyst (and maybe a little more frequent).

Every once in awhile I find that there is just no way I am going to get there. This seems to be more psychological in nature than physical. Has a lot to do with DH's attitude. Most of the times that I have an issue are when I have initiated sex and he is too tired for romance. If he's not really into it, then sometimes I have a problem having an O, but not always.

So that is my two cents and I hope this in some way helps you.
  #6  
Unread 03-17-2003, 04:58 AM
diminished orgasm

Don't despair - G, sounds like it's still relatively early days in the resumption of your sex life. This is a really controversial area and one on which it's difficult to get good information from surgeons. There is some evidence to suggest that women experience dimished orgasm after TAH due largely to nerve damage, however, other surgeons will dispute this saying that they're not anywhere near the orgasm related areas. or that they do nerve sparing surgery. However, not everyone experiences vaginal orgasms or uterine contractions etc so some people think its all in our heads. A woman called Winifred Cutler(I think) has done some research on this - check out the booklist or search the Net - she's really good. There could be a physiological reason for your problems for sure, but our bodies are capable of great healing and you also sound like you're a pretty intelligent and imaginative woman to me - do your research and do your best to express your love in all ways possible. Don't mean to sound trite here - I do sympathise.
  #7  
Unread 01-15-2004, 07:23 AM
sex

I feel much the same as you---there is no longer a "desire" to have sex, and it is very difficult to achieve orgasm and even then they are not as intense. No problems with pain or lubrication---just desire and feeling. DH is understanding, but I too, am afraid that eventually it will affect our relationship. Other than that, there are no regrets!

I am anxious to follow the replies to your post---surely someone has answers. Best to you...
  #8  
Unread 01-15-2004, 08:02 AM
sex

I have mentioned this in other posts on different subjects, but I am a HUGE believer in PT. I had not had a "real" orgasm since my surgery (Nov '02-vag hyst, kept ovaries extensive ant. and post repairs) After a month of therapy sessions I was able to acheive an orgasm like I hadn't hit since the good ol' college days! I was so happy I was giddy! I found out that my problem was/(still is, I am still seeing my PT) increased muscle tone. With the muscles always tight, blood flow is decreased and tissue sensitivity goes down. It can even lead to death of tissue. I am working on lowering my resting vaginal muscle tone. It also helps right before sex to do some quick superficial kegels with full relaxation. To do full relaxation it almost feels like the pushing muscles of childbirth. It is hard to describe. I am a true beleiver that ALL women who have had repair surgeries should go to a PT to at least check their muscle tone and learn safe abdominal exercises.

Best of luck to you,
Denise
  #9  
Unread 01-15-2004, 09:22 AM
sex

Denise--what kind of "PT" and who recommends it? i have never heard of having PT after a hysterectomy. why don't the GYN's order this as part of the post-op care, i mean after 6 weeks, what are we written off?

i'd like to know more.


fluffy lemur
  #10  
Unread 01-15-2004, 01:18 PM
sex

Denise..

I've gotta echo what fluffy is asking..I'd like to know what a PT is. I
've had 2 surgeries in 4 months now (2nd was vaginal) but would love to find out what kind of abdominal exercises will be safe for me to do once I'm 'in the clear'.

Thanks for the info!!
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