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MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!! MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

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  #1  
Unread 03-25-2003, 09:30 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

I am posting another post because I do not know what to do!!!!!

I am driving myself CRAZY and making myself sick I am crying so much. I had to take some xanax to try to calm down and I pray it works FAST!!

I am very disturbed by the pictures of my CT scan of my lungs!! There is a large dark spot on each lung and I am SOOOO scared it is lung cancer!!!!!

It runs BIGTIME in my family and I should have NEVER opened up the results. I know I am acting like I am freaking out, I guess I am!! Has anyone ever had any type of lung disorder or anything that said they had perfusion defects on the lungs??

I tried to get an answer from the cancer support group on webmd, but no one ever answers me!! I am just soooo scared.

Wouldn't they have written in the report that they found something that could be cancer or did they not know and they requested a Pulmonary angio? I dont even think I had one done.

I am sorry I am probably over reacting and thinking about it too much and need to talk to my Dr, but I ALWAYS do this to myself. They should ban me from my records!!

When they sent me home they NEVER told me it was not a clot. All he told me was there were 2 small spots on my left lung that were more than likely clots from my symptoms. What else could cause the same symptoms? They also said I had broncitus, but gave me NO medication for it and that really made me wonder.

I just think about my DH and my kids and I fall to pieces!!! JUST IN CASE I am going to write them each a letter and put it somewhere (probably the locked gun cabinet) so if and when I do go they will know just how much I love them and it will come straight from my heart!! I will also DRILL into them (As I always do) NOT TO SMOKE!!! I am only 33 ..

I thought I would get out and go and buy the kids and me and DH some summer clothes and we were at the mall for about an hour and by the time we got home I could barely stand up I was so weak. My whole body ached from head to the tips of my toes and I just dont understand why!! I have never felt this bad in my whole life.. After watching my mother-in-law die from colon and kidney cancer and then 10 months later coming home from England to see my mom and she dies 45 minutes after I got off of the plane. You would think that would have made reality hit hard, but stupid me, I kept on smoking.

I am so sorry to start this all over again, and all in one day. I feel helpless and worth NOTHING right now. I pray that if I do die, I will come back as a man, no, maybe a cat...

Thanks for letting me get it all out. It did ease the stress a bit knowing the ONLY one's I can even talk to other than my Dr is all of you 's that I know will give me the strength I need to cope with all of this evne though it is not hysterectomy or hormone related..

I love you all with all of my heart and will remember each and every one of you until the day I die!!



Pam
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  #2  
Unread 03-25-2003, 09:43 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

{{{{{{{{PAM}}}}}}}} Calm down honey! Please! You are making yourself sick. Listen to me.....call your doctor in the AM and demand to know your results. Tell him not knowing is making you sick. But to ease your mind, I am almost positive if it was CA that they would have told you already. Important things like that are usually taken care of stat! Most docs want to get things started when there is a big problem. Please hun go to bed and make that call in the morning. Let us know what he says..........I will pray for you!


Emily s
  #3  
Unread 03-25-2003, 10:02 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

Thanks Emily!!

I really wish I could STOP obsessing about this before I get an answer. I just fo not know what it could be that is showing up on the scan and I ALWAYS think the worst!

I have even had to stop myself from looking at the pictures I find on websites of a CT scan showing cancerous tumors. They look so similar to mine..

I am off to bed, the xanax is working so I can MAYBE be able to sleep..

Thanks again!!

Pam
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  #4  
Unread 03-25-2003, 10:07 PM
Perfusion defect lung

Pam,

I searched Google for "perfusion defect lung" and found this site:

http://www.pcca.net/VentilationPerfusion.html

Not too hard to understand. The first short paragraph should ease your mind -- not cancer.

Hugs and prayers,

Mary D.
  #5  
Unread 03-25-2003, 10:44 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

Pam

I agree about calling your doctor first thing in the morning to get the results. I know my mind tends to imagine the worst possible scenario........and it never turns out to be as bad as I think it is. Hang in there and let us know what your doctor says.
  #6  
Unread 03-25-2003, 11:06 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

(pam)) dear,

I am off to bed also, but wanted to send you this quick note in case you are awakened again.

God only knows dear and fear doesn't change anything except to make us ask a whole lot of "what ifs" that we just don't know. Been there and done that

Your DR should be able to shed some on this for you tomorrow so your torment can stop.

It always helps me when I am panicky and fearful to listen to relaxing uplifting music or watch something funny on the TV etc. I also pray lots, God is my only strength in times like this for me, sometimes I am really good at just accepting that and other times it feels like a war inside. So I will pray that you will get some peace tonight and good news in the morning.

Big s and pls. let us know what DR says ok?
lenee
  #7  
Unread 03-25-2003, 11:49 PM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

Pam, Pam, Pam,

Now don't go turning yourself into a film reader!! It takes a lot of training to read one of those pictures!!

I hope you learn some things from this. The obvious ones are to stop smoking and to leave medical reports in their envelopes until you can look at them with your But there may be others. Maybe something about why you get so scared and what you can learn from it. How you make yourself scared and how you can stop doing it? Sometimes an experience like this can help to get your priorities a little straighter.

Hopefully you are sleeping OK and will feel better in the morning. And yes, let us know what the doctor has to say.

Joselle
  #8  
Unread 03-26-2003, 07:00 AM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

Thanks sisters!!!!!!!!

Well, I made it throught the night with my bestfriend xanax.. I am still a little shaken this morning because I called the Dr and she has no appts for today at all.

I think I have gotten all of my negative thoughts out (somewhat) and accepted that it could be nothing and if it is something then I will deal with it when the time comes (I say that NOW).

I still have that DEEP DOWN fear, which I have had many times before, but this time it has really hit HARD!! I guess it made me evaluate my life and what I can do to make it better. Quitting smoking is my #1 priority!! I am going to try and call again tomorrow (and everyday) until I can get in to see her. I am very persistent when it comes to getting an appt. I WILL quit smoking and get her to give me the the Wellbutrin when I see her. Enough is enough!!

Thank you all for the prayers and talking some sense into me!! One good thing DID come from this, no blood clot!!

I will keep you all posted and be prepared to hear me vent again if my mind takes over again!!

I love you all!!!!!!!!!

Pam
  #9  
Unread 03-26-2003, 05:10 PM
(((( Pam ))))

Awww Pam.... IF it was something serious, you would have been told, and they will call you. Try to relax some, you probably are making yourself sick, which is easy to do when you are under stress. Take each day as it comes, and get through THAT first. You have alot going on right now... Hang in there, it will be resolved, and I know it's hard. One day at a time!!!!

Big 's to you.
  #10  
Unread 03-27-2003, 06:37 AM
MAKE ME STOP!!! I am making myself sick!!!!!!!

Hi Pam
I'm sending you lots of cyber s
You said you saw the pictures. I would not try to diagnose yourself. I did this one time when a blood test came back with a certain result. In the end the specialist I saw did a bunch of other test and said I didn't have what the original dr. thought. I stressed myself out for nothing. I hope you get the results soon. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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