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Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question. Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

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  #1  
Unread 03-30-2003, 01:44 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

This question has to do with the HPV factor. I keep thinking about my previous sexual partners, especially my ex husband. Or more specifically his new wife. I want to tell her to be sure she gets her pap smears regularly on account of this HPV and that her husband is definately a carrier. He has a large, what I am sure is a wart, on his penis. He always told me it was just a skin tag. Well it wasn't there the entire time we were together, showed itself probably a year or so before I left. He was treated for genital warts in 1989 when we first started dating as well. I, however do not believe he is the one who started it. I believe it is the boyfriend I had just before him as he had the same prominent bump on his penis as well. I learn that this first one is a friend of my brothers, this friend recently had contact with him via the telephone. He lives in Lousianna. Well I also have this burning desire to call him and talk to him about it too, make sure his partner is "okay" and gets regular checks. Then there are a few men that I was involved with after my ex and before my current boyfriend, do I tell them. Sure all this giving knowledge might take a load off my mind, but will it be received well. And since I have a horrible memory, we may have used protection and I don't remember, but they still could have been contaminated from scrotum contact. I mean, is it like AIDS, should I contact my previous sexual partners and make them aware of this possibility? I have been having nightmares about the "first" one since learning of my brother's friendship. I should also mention that when his friend told me that he recently was in contact with this previous boyfriend of mine, I blurted out that he is the one who gave me the virus which caused me to have cervical cancer and thus have to have a hysterctomy. So he may have already repeated this to him. This is all probably so silly and I should just let it go and leave them be. Just wondered if any of you ever pondered this.
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  #2  
Unread 03-30-2003, 01:56 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

As hard as it will be, I would contact each and every person that you can. If nothing else, it may keep someone else from having to go through what you went through.

If it's too difficult for you, try to compile a list of names and numbers, then have a friend make the calls and just say "a former partner of yours." That way, they can be aware of the situation and get necessary testing and/or treatment.
  #3  
Unread 03-30-2003, 02:51 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

That is a tough question. I have been with my husband for 12 years. He was more promiscuous than I was and was with some women who "slept around." I am almost positive that I got it from him. He does not know who he got it from and I would not expect him to locate every single women he was with to let them know that they are at risk. A large percentage of the population has HPV. All women should made aware of the risks and should make sure that they have regular paps.
It is very nice of you to think about other women (who you probably don't know) who may have been infected.

I think that AIDS is a little different.
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  #4  
Unread 03-30-2003, 03:18 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

((Peaches))

I tend to agree with Denise. Although HPV is considered a STD it is not the same as most other types since it is believed a majority of sexually active people carry the virus and it can't be prevented by the use of condoms.

My DH was my only sexual partner. My first incidence of dysplasia occurred 10 years prior to my hyst, so I must believe in the theory that the virus can lay dormant for years. My DH passed away 4 yrs prior to the second occurance and I had no partners during that time. Neither of us ever had genital warts.

I even wonder if it wouldn't cause more harm than good to contact all the people who might be exposed. My dr never tested me nor did he ever mention it to me...I learned about HPV here. I can only assume that I have the virus and he didn't mention it to me because it I might react badly (you bet!) and no good would be served....my DH had no knowledge of the virus either.
  #5  
Unread 03-30-2003, 07:30 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

I think I would also agree that it is hard to know where the HPV might have come from and how long you may have had it. MY husband and I have been married 25 years and as far as I know, we have both remained monogamous. I have long ago lost track of any partners I had before I met him. We have no way of knowing which one of us had the HPV first. I asked my gyn if it is possible for it to remain dormant for 30 years and then cause dysplasia, and he said yes.

Since a majority of people may carry this virus, it is important for all women to have regular pap tests regardless of their sexual history.
  #6  
Unread 03-30-2003, 09:35 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

They do seem to think that the virus may be acquired most often before someone is 22 or so because the cervix is "softer" less developed and more vulnerable to infection. Then the virus lurks and at some point the immune system is weaker and it starts to cause problems much later in life. Very early cellular changes can even reverse if the immune system kicks back in. So it can, in some, even come and go.

So it's actually most likely that exposure was decades before a Pap test reveals changes.
  #7  
Unread 03-30-2003, 11:02 PM
more on HPV factor

I suppose I am most concerned about warning my ex husbands new wife since if something happens to me they would be responsible for my DS. Not to mention she is at the young age where her cervix is more "vulnerable" as mentioned, she is 20. They got together when she was 17 and he 28. I believe I was exposed when I was 18. My first abnormal pap was 12 years later. Since I had read about HPV after several abnormal paps, I did ask the Doctor the last time, just before my cancer diagnosis, if I had it. He said they didn't even test for it, but assume I have it because of the severe dysplasia. Maybe I should just print information out on it from the computer and send it to her, so she is informed of the risks. Or I could mention it to my ex-sister-in-law, who I am still close with, and ask her to make her aware of the importance of yearl check-ups. I am concerned that she may not have yearly exams on account of their low income status. Well, I am sure no matter what I do, it won't be appreciated much. Thanks for all your input.
  #8  
Unread 03-31-2003, 07:30 AM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

If you are still close to your ex sister-in-law, maybe asking her to speak to the new wife would be the most tactful way of approaching the situation. I understand that it is an uncomfortable situation and you do not want the young woman to go through what you have been through.

All the best
  #9  
Unread 03-31-2003, 06:41 PM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

Hi

I thought long and hard, and discussed this with my husband, before answering...here's what we came up with!

If you can possibly talk to your exhusband, and have HIM talk to his new wife...that's probably the best route. Ideally, he'll have an honest relationship with his wife, and will respect and love her enough to be open with her about this. Being a second wife myself, I know I'd feel a little..well..peeved if his first wife had given me the same news (despite it being the best of intentions, us second wives often already have a lot to live up to ).

Now, if he just won't do this, or you have absolutely no chance of getting through to him...then yes, I'm afraid it might have to be you who bears the news. Ideally, this should come from him, or perhaps another of his family - although you have the best intentions at heart (and bless you for that), people often resent and blame the bearer of bad news, even if it's to help them in the long run. Now..getting in touch with YOUR past partners is even braver, and a wonderfully altruistic idea. Even though this is in no part your fault, you're taking on the responsibility of perhaps preventing someone else suffering - and that's so incredibly kind, and compassionate of you.

Anyway..I think it boils down to, you've got the right idea. Kudos to you for this compassionate act - getting in touch with your past sexual partners is incredibly brave, and admirable. You go girl

Love and best wishes,

Tess
  #10  
Unread 04-02-2003, 07:30 AM
Fellow Cervical Cancer Survivors, I have a question, kind of like a moral question.

((Peaches)) - Thanks for asking this question - it has weighed heavily on my mind for years as well! My HPV showed up 10 years ago through a pap and at that time I had been faithfully married for 7 years. My dr told me that the virus shows up usually within 6 weeks of being infected. Of course all kinds of things went through my mind. After reading your stories, I know now that it could have laid dormant for years. Now that I am scheduling a LAVH, I am stressing the importance of the pap test to my ex to discuss with his girlfriend. I don't know her that well but I'm sure he's not saying anything and I feel horribly guilty. I don't want her to go through what I have but yet am afraid to say anything to her because she may leave him. My opinion is to let the guys handle it because if we say anything and break up their relationship the problem would be worse in many ways. Maybe drop little hints to her, if you talk to her at all, and mention the importance of a pap ("see what happened to me? thank goodness we caught it!") kind of thing. I know morally this is probably not "right" but it is a very common thing. I know I had a difficult time coming to grips with having a "STD" and felt very hurt and dirty but remember - we are victims and survivors - and we have done nothing wrong! Just my to you and good luck!
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