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Finally Have a Date Finally Have a Date

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  #1  
Unread 04-16-2003, 10:10 PM
Finally Have a Date

I can't believe it, I'm leaving tomorrow for MD Anderson in Houston.

I didn't expect to get a surgery date this quickly, but I'm happy to get the ball rolling.

I'm so nervous and scared, it's almost numbing. I could barely handle having an IV in my arm last week, so I don't know what's going to happen when I am actually in the hospital.

I'm so scared about the side effects, lymphedema and chronic urinary incontinence, and not to mention the thought of the cancer recurring.

I feel like I'm being robbed of my youth, having to worry about things like this at 30. I bought a bunch of loose clothing and granny underware today for my post-surgery attire. It's very depressing, as I finally reached a point in which I was really happy with myself and my body, and now it's all going to change.

I haven't even begun to comprehend the fact that I'll never bear children yet either (I'm single and childless).

I'm sorry, but I just had to rant and rave for a bit before this ordeal. I know I'm really lucky all things considered, I'm just a bit angry that I'm dealing with this. I've accepted the cancer aspects, now I'm dwelling on the smaller details.

Thanks for listening to my whining. I promise I'll come back with much more uplifting messages once this is over.

Kristine
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  #2  
Unread 04-16-2003, 10:48 PM
Finally Have a Date

(((Kristine)))

How wonderful that you have a date now (tomorrow!) and are going in to have this taken care of. You will be cancer free before you know it! It's totally normal to be numb and disbelieving at this point. And all of us worry about cancer recurring, but the worries seem to lessen over time. It does get better, and a normal life will be possible once again.

Try not to focus on the possible side effects. Not everyone gets those side effects, and most women don't get any of them. You're young, you're body is very resilient. And you'll get your figure back--don't worry about that. Remember that swelly belly is common for several months, so don't get frustrated and push yourself too hard.

I'm sorry you are going through this at such a young age and before you have had the opportunity to have children, but remember that there are children out there to be adopted--or you might hook up with someone who has children and needs a partner to help parent them.

You're welcome to come here anytime and rant and rave. Most of us have done it at one point or another and I, personally, think it's very therapeutic. This is a big issue in your life right now and there is no clear or certain way to deal with it. So just let it out. We have very broad shoulders here and are happy to support you through this.

Good luck, Kristine! My thoughts and 'ers go with you tomorrow. Take good care of yourself. Follow the doctor's orders and get plenty of rest. Be a good ! Come back and let us know how things went when you are feeling up to it.

  #3  
Unread 04-17-2003, 09:12 AM
Finally Have a Date

((( Kristine )))

I'm glad you have a date, but I do understand how you are feeling about everything that's happening. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and I'll be looking for your next post.

Good Luck!
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  #4  
Unread 04-17-2003, 02:01 PM
Finally Have a Date

Kristine,

A HUGE hug from me to you, I'll be sending positive thoughts your way. My heart goes out to you, and I empathize with you so very much. I am possibly facing a hyst. myself and it seems horribly unfair to have these concerns at any age, let alone such a young age.

But please please know that getting rid of the cancer will be the first step in a new life, where you will have a healthy body to carry you through many more years. Stay strong, and come back here when you need to vent, or share, or anything at all. I will be thinking of you. Best of luck, Kristine, and take very good care.

Beth
  #5  
Unread 04-17-2003, 03:15 PM
Finally Have a Date

Dear Kristine,

It seems entirely reasonable to me that you should be feeling angry and sad about all this. I am fifty, and feel upset to be betrayed by my body in this way (scheduled TAH / BSO for suspicious ovarian cyst), so I can certainly see why you would feel this way at thirty.

You won't be wearing those granny pants for ever though: you will be able to ritually burn them soon enough! This operation should cure that early stage of cancer you have, so look on it as guaranteeing an entire new lease of life - healthy, living to the full life.

I particularly sympathise with your feelings about children. I have faced infertility myself and know the pain, but I had plenty of time to come to terms with it and no cancer diagnosis to go along with it. I now have five children, adopted as babies, the last one as a new-born. I can honestly say that I love them so much and we are so close that I am GLAD my life turned out this way. I am so happy with these children of mine, feel that they were always "meant to be mine", that I wouldn't swap them for anything. You never know what might be waiting for you in the future, and you HAVE a future - a great one.
  #6  
Unread 04-17-2003, 04:14 PM
Finally Have a Date

Hugs to you Kristine. I am so glad you got a quick surgery date. Soon you will be through with the surgery and on the road to recovery. You will get through this and you will be strong and eventually will feel young again. This is something you have to do before you get on with your life. Stay strong.
  #7  
Unread 04-17-2003, 05:24 PM
The Sooner the Better

and MD Anderson is THE BEST I've heard so you will be in excellent hands. You're very young to face this. I hope they get it all and it never rears its ugly head again--ever. Remember, not everyone has side effects from surgery--I had a TAH/BSO and other work and have yet to have incontinence and lymphoma.
You will survive the hospital experience--I hate needles and IV's too--my best advice for the hospital is--avoid the "food" they'll give you. They ship in rubbery tasteless green jello and oversalty cow-hoof broth from some terrible central place in the US. If you hit a spot at the hospital where things hit you just remind yourself--you're doing it--you're getting through it--things will improve. And Please keep us posted when you get home and can.
  #8  
Unread 04-17-2003, 05:28 PM
One More Note

I'd advise acknowledging and mourning the fact you won't have children. I was 57, post-menopausal, and never married/had children. In fact, I didn't want children as I felt I wouldn't be the type of mother I'd want to be for them. A couple months after surgery I had problems with my HMO billing (I have a point of service) and called and while on hold was forced to listen to their ads on the phone--and they mentioned their great prenatal care, child safety, etc.--and when I got a person I just exploded at her for forcing me to listen to this when I could never have kids. It hit me--never, ever. I had to do some work on this. Many of us go through this, whatever our ages.
  #9  
Unread 04-17-2003, 05:49 PM
Finally Have a Date

I don't know how I missed your post yesterday, so I hope you get all these messages before surgery.

I'm 37, single and childless, too. Learning that I had cancer and losing the ability to have children -- all within two weeks -- was a difficult blow. (Of course, adding to my fun was that the guy I was dating freaked out and ran, but . . . that doesn't bug me as much since he wasn't right for me anyway.)

Like Ellen (Margaret321) said, I can only hope that I meet a man with kids or feel compelled to adopt. I may not get a healthy newborn, but there are older children who need a good home. I'm not at the point where a child would make sense in my single life. But . . . it's good to know that there are other "child" options available to me . . . and to you.

As for granny underwear, a friend of mine came up with a great solution -- as a pre-surgery gift. He went to Wal-Mart (of all places -- we don't even have one around here) and bought large men's boxers (the exact ones he wears). After surgery, and to this day, those boxers have been the primary staple in my wardrobe. They're totally comfortable, and I can walk around the house in them without feeling naked. A cheap solution, and one that I recommend! :-)

Before surgery, I cried anytime anyone mentioned that I would lose my hair. Now that it's falling out like mad, I don't even really care anymore. It just means the chemo is working. And it'll grow back. I may look like an alien soon, but the punctuation joy of eyebrow pencil and dark red lipstick should help.

If you'd like to talk, send me a PM with your phone number. I'd be happy to chat with you, since I just went through this surgery last month and am dealing with a lot of the same issues. :-)

If not, just know that I'm sending you s and prayers!
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